As the frantic cries pierced the morning calm, a simple act of babysitting became a race against time. The weight of responsibility pressed heavily on the shoulders of a roommate who never imagined that a brief absence could lead to such a heart-stopping emergency. This story is a raw reminder of how quickly love and care must be paired with caution, especially when the stakes are a child’s life.
My roommate’s son, Sam (4M) is allergic to strawberries. He gets an allergic reaction only if he eats them. I recently made a batch of strawberry shortcake cookies. Some of them were in a jar in the top shelf.
She mostly works remotely but sometimes she will have to go to the office for a few hours (1-2 max). As I always work from home and the kid is really sweet, I don’t mind babysitting.
One day last week, I woke up to Sam screaming/crying bloody murder. When I ran to the kitchen, it was very obvious that he was experiencing an allergic reaction. It didn’t seem severe but his face was red and he had the cookies in his hand.
I freaked out and called 911. They took the kid to the hospital.
Turns out, she banged on my door and yelled that she had to go to the office urgently and asked me to take care of Sam for an hour. He was already fed and all I had to do was look after him.
I guess I was deep asleep and did not hear her. Sam was playing in the living room, saw the cookies and went for it.
My roommate is now mad at me because 1. I was supposed to look after him. 2. I called 912 instead of just using the EpiPen which is kept in the living room.
In the past, the banging-on-the-door thing has worked (a couple of times) but this time I genuinely didn’t hear her. She has also explained about the EpiPen and how it works, but I freaked out and my forgot about that.
She now expects me to pay for the medical bill. I have obviously refused to. She is going to go broke and she is blaming me.
Yeah yeah. The real asshole is the American Healthcare system. Still, who is right here? Aita?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between their roommate’s expectation that they should have managed the childcare situation and administered the EpiPen, and the OP’s own reaction of panic and subsequent refusal to cover the resulting medical bills. The central conflict revolves around shared responsibility for a child’s safety, the failure of established communication methods, and the financial consequences of an emergency.
Was the OP primarily at fault for not hearing the roommate’s request and failing to use the known EpiPen during a panic, or is the roommate responsible for relying solely on a deep sleeper for emergency childcare and for the ensuing financial demand? Where should the responsibility lie when a severe allergy reaction occurs under shared custody?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your roommate has a son with a disability. (Yes, life threatening allergies are an ADA covered disability). She’s responsible for keeping him in responsible hands and no, banging on a sleeping adult’s door and leaving the premises without receiving an answer is not adequate.
Office emergencies are difficult matters, it’s true. Usually it’s possible to navigate that with adequate preparation: work out contingency plans with the supervisor, with HR, and with a sitter. Work out a procedure for securing allergens. Train the adults in anaphylaxis response protocol.
Given how this child is only four, this is probably the first time he’s raided food from a top shelf. Maybe that could have been anticipated from his growth and curiosity/climbing abilities, in which case the bulk of the responsibility rests with his mother for predicting that and making new arrangements such as child safe locks on the cabinet doors.
You did forget to use the epinephrine injector–which is a major omission that might have resulted in his death (worst case scenario) or significant medical complications. Under normal circumstances that would put this in ESH territory, but this emergency woke you up from a sound sleep while you had no idea you were alone in the residence with this child. You got blindsided. *And you getting blindsided was the result of his mother’s bad decisions*.
NTA. It’s heartbreaking but this wasn’t your fault.
Suggest putting this sequence of events in writing asap and sending it to the roommate via email. It’d also be good to either have a household meeting and work out a better safety plan or else start looking for a new apartment.
*edit*
Although it’s outstanding if someone else’s four-year-old knows to ask about gluten, not every child that age can be held to that high standard. A few four-year-olds can also swim in the pool and read books but I wouldn’t blame the parents of those who don’t. A four-year-old might not even remember what their allergen tastes like if they were diagnosed during infancy.
The protocol for anaphylaxis is *both* epinephrine and a 911 call for an ambulance, not either/or. About 20% of anaphylactic reactions are **biphasic** which means life threatening symptoms return later. So even if the person appears to do well after epinephrine administration, they still need to be under medical supervision. Further reading at the links below.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/first-aid/first-aid-anaphylaxis/basics/art-20056608
https://www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/knowledgebase/biphasic-anaphylaxis/
Also, now I’m genuinely confused how this sub’s bot works.
This is reality; after an EpiPen use there’s still an important step to get the patient to a hospital pronto. Yes, it could have been by car rather than ambulance, but the end result is the same that her kid was going to cost her money the minute he ate the cookies. Either way, he’s going to cost her money. The ambulance ride, in comparison to all the stuff at the ER, is a pretty negligible expense. IMO, having a friend who “overreacts” and errs on the side of caution is preferable over a “maybe I just stab him with this pen thing? Right? Or just wait until he starts turning blue?” When in doubt, I prefer an overreaction over pensive inaction.
If she presses the issue with a lawsuit, just remember that this whole mess started because she did a drop’n’knock and had no way of knowing for sure her kid wasn’t just going to wander into traffic. I’m thinking if she really gets snotty about it, Child Protective Services might find her story of substantial interest. There’s no way to say “I banged on her door and left after I dropped off my kid without even getting full confirmation she wasn’t dead or gone with a friend” that CPS is going to look at positively. She might forget that. You shouldn’t.
Everyone who votes for people who let these kind of things happen sucks. If you’re American and reading this, you’re part of the suck that let this happen too, because you’re participating in the system that lets this happen. If you are working to change the system for the better you suck less than the people working to change things for the worse, but we are all collectively responsible for this tragedy, and many more like it that happen every day. We need to do better.
Edit: all the excuses about why it’s not OP’s fault don’t matter because obviously the precautions weren’t enough because the kid got into and ate the cookies. Cookies op made knowing full well that the kid was allergic to one of the ingredients. Then op decided to call 911 instead of using a EpiPen or calling the mom when it was only a skin reaction, not a breathing reaction. OP made the decision to make the cookies and then made the decision to call 911 which would be the kid’s mom’s financial responsibility, not OP’s. The mom screwed up by not making sure op knew to watch the kid so it’s both thier fault.
You might not have even been home, what mother would think it’s reasonable to leave their child this way????
Also it’s an allergic reaction, you did the right thing, what if the epi pen was faulty??? What if it was expired?! What if you couldn’t find it??? Calling emergency ensured he was treated by professionals.
As a mother, if it happened on her watch it would be her responsibility to decide if she’s happy taking the risk, you’re a baby sitter, you haven’t been trained to use the epi pen, you haven’t been taught how to deal with these situations, you did the safest thing possible.
You are not his parent. It is not your responsibility to look after him unless you have agreed to.
NTA.
Your roommate should pay the medical bill and just be thankful that her negligence didn’t cause any more damage.
(Though, maybe keep your strawberry goods in your room next time, just in case she pulls a stunt like this again)
It sucks for her, but she’s a ~~little bit of an~~ big arse for not handing the kid off properly. The rest of it wouldn’t have happened if she had, right?
Also an epi-pen buys time for proper medical treatment. You still need to get checked out/treated/etc after using the epi pen!
She never confirmed that you had agreed to watch her son. She left her son effectively unattended. Beyond that, even if you were watching him like a hawk, his accident is just that: an accident. You aren’t responsible for him accidentally getting hurt by eating something he shouldn’t have had. You did what you felt was right.
But as you rightly say, in any civilised country this would not be an issue, so make sure you vote for candidates who are going to make the health system better, not worse.
That can be counted as neglect for CPS