The wife complimented the neighbor on her weight loss but then warned her not to lose too much weight too quickly, which the user interpreted as an attempt to prompt the neighbor into revealing if she was using medication. When the user privately advised his wife to respect the neighbor’s privacy, the wife reacted defensively and insisted on her right to comment, leaving the user to question if his defense of the neighbor’s privacy was inappropriate.
Our neighbor (f45) had been a bit plump, not really obese, but she could stand to lose a few pounds.
Lately, though, she has been losing weight. She does not work out, no cardio, resistance training, etc. My wife guesses that she has been using one of those new prescriptions like Ozempic or Wegovy.
She looks good and my wife has told her that. I notice the weight loss but I don’t say anything. I mind my own business.
Today, my wife sees her and says you better not lose too much weight, too fast. But I know what my wife is doing. She wants her to tell that she’s been taking prescription meds. My wife also thinks her statement comes off as a compliment.
I tell my wife in private to mind your own business, she’s a grown woman, she knows what she’s doing. She does not look unhealthy, she’s just thin.
Then my wife yells at me, as if to say, I’ll say what I want.
I say, Mind your own business, we know she’s taking the prescriptions, leave her be. Maybe she wants privacy, don’t make her self conscious.
Am I the asshole for considering my neighbor’s privacy over my wife’s inquisitiveness?
Conclusion
The central conflict lies between the user’s desire to protect the neighbor’s potential need for medical privacy and the wife’s expressed need or desire to comment on and investigate the neighbor’s physical changes, even if framed as a compliment.
The main question is whether the user was wrong to prioritize the neighbor’s potential right to privacy over his wife’s inquisitiveness regarding a sensitive medical issue, especially when the wife was seemingly pressing the neighbor for information?
Here’s how people reacted:
No, you don’t know that. Not all weight loss is intentional or desirable. She could be ill. That’s the #1 reason your wife needs to shut up. What she said would be an absolutely awful thing to say to someone who is rapidly losing weight because of illness. So insensitive!
Apart from that, neither of you know what this woman eats, what kind of diet she’s on, what medical conditions she has, and, although you say she doesn’t work out, she certainly could and you’re just not aware. It’s crazy to me that the two of you are even discussing this & speculating when it is completely not your business.
I have a friend who has been overweight most of her adult life, but lost weight drastically when she underwent cancer treatment. Neighbour commented on the weight loss and gushed about how good she looked, explaining “How on earth did you do it? Tell me your secret!”
My friend replied: “Chemo.”
(Shut the neighbour up pretty quickly, I can tell you.)
NTA and your wife should find a hobby to channel that energy into.
Commenting on other people’s bodies is inappropriate in general. Weight loss isn’t always intentional either. Sometimes people get sick or depressed and lose their appetite. Hardly anything to congratulate. Unless someone explicitly mentions they are trying to lose weight, it’s not okay to comment on it tbh.
‘TELL US WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!!’
Please ppl: MYOB!
Cancer. It was bowel cancer. I still feel like shit about that.
Sister is fine now, by the way. No sign of cancer after treatment.
NTA.