So first off, I agree with you that having kids at this point in time is not right, and that its responsible to wait until you have some financial/lifestyle/career stability before having kids. 

That being said, I think you two might be having two different conversations. I remember having similar conversations with my now husband before we decided to get married. Whenever I brought up my desires to have kids, he immediately went to logistics (we dont have enough money, we need permanent residency, our living situation isnt right for a kid – why would we even talk about it now?) Meanwhile, what I wanted to talk about was what kind of timeline we were on, if our values matched up, if he could understand that having children wasn’t just a decision for me, it was a deep-seated physiological urge. If he understood how good it made me feel to see him around our friends children, and why those emotions were called up.

Talking about having kids, and actually having them are two different things. I. This post, I hear you say that she wants to talk, and that its an emotional topic for her, and that you arent even willing to have a conversation, because you cant picture a baby in your life right now. 

Have a conversation where you discuss whether having kids in the future is something you are both on the same page about, and what a reasonable time line or conditions would look like. Let her know if you see her as a girlfriend, or as someone who could potentially be the mother of your children. 

And yes, if you are too busy or too focused on law school to even have that kind of conversation or emotional vulnerability, its probably better for both of you that dont stay together.

NTA in general: You’re correct that it’s a plain old bad idea to have a baby while you’re so stressed and overwhelmed.

Mild YTA, in that it sounds like you’re maybe not communicating with her as well as you could be. Like, have you guys sat down to talk about your plans for the future? She’s still your girlfriend; do you intend to marry her? When? When would you feel ready for a baby? What has to be true for you to be comfortable doing that, and how could she help you reach that place – or, at the very least, be able to tell whether or not you’re getting closer to it?

Ask her to sit down with you and hash out these kinds of plans/roadmaps. From her perspective it probably feels like she’s asking for a baby and getting a brick wall. If you try to lay out a plan with her and all she’ll accept is “baby now, no excuses,” then your relationship has a much bigger problem and honestly, probably wouldn’t survive a baby anyhow. If you try to lay out a plan, you might find that she’s much less concerned about “right now” if she has that sense of, “I’d like to graduate, get married about a year later, then start trying for a baby,” or something similar.

NTA. I know a couple who started dating when they were in high-school. They knew they wanted to get married and start a family but they waited for the one to finish law school and get a stable job and the other to also settle in a career. They got married late 20s and had two kids early 30s. They both have established careers, both are enjoying being parents in this phase of their lives, and are financially secure. This, when they already knew in high-school that they wanted kids. But they were responsible adults and are reaping the benefits now. I hate when people just have kids for the sake of it or because its the “right” age… I am the product of that and had a terrible childhood as a result. Stick to your goals and plans. Your girlfriend is being dumb.

Why is she and her friend take this so lightly ? It’s basic logic not wanting to have a kid in your situation. There is no way that kid will grow in a good environment if you’re still in school and stressed over it. A kid is not a pet, your’re stuck with it for at least 18 years if you’re lucky. Once you get a degree, a job, a house, now it would be a good time to commit in raising a kid. In your situation, it is just a disaster coming, not only for your relationship with her (constantly fighting over personal time, money etc) but also for a child who will most likely grow in an instable household because he wasn’t wanted in the first place. You’ll both have resentment for each other if you do that imo … Is your girlfriend still in school ?

The phrase “blow up my life over your baby fever” isn’t ideal… And when you say things like “it’s simple” or “it’s just logic” she feels like her emotions aren’t important to you. If you had instead said “it’s not simple, it’s actually hard. It’s so hard to wait! But it’s the best thing for a baby” that would have actually been much easier for her to hear than what you said. You didn’t overreact, but both of you are only focused on yourselves in this issue, neither of you is thinking about the depth of feelings the other person is experiencing except to disregard it. 

Ultimately you both want to keep moving in different directions in the very near future. It’s not an overreaction to break up over this and just move on to separate lives. 

NTA. I will say, however, suggesting she find someone else is a bit of a jab, though i get it, heat of the moment your comment. Nobody should ever be pressured into raising a human being. You’re on the home stretch to completing school and being able to provide for a new family. You could have the good job, baby, house with the pocket fence, the whole bag if you wait it out. You’ll never truly be ready, but a couple more years in school and till be in your late twenties, still fertile and entering the prime of your life. I think you’re plan is solid and logical. It’s too bad emotions don’t consider logic. She’s prob feeling left out or needs something meaningful in her life.

Sounds like she wants to get engaged. 

Again, you’re not financially in a place to have a wedding. Unless she’s down with a small courthouse gig. In a year or two maybe? Seems like she wants a timeline. 

However, perhaps type to just wants to keep up with her friends socially. Could be baby fever or could be just feeling social anxiety to have something more going on. Does she work? Is she otherwise a good partner/companion?

Nah. Maybe you’re not compatible. Maybe you can meet each other somewhere in the middle. There’s many steps before children but maybe seeing the timeline and knowing you’re committed will be enough. 

NTA.

I firmly believe that if anyone does not want a child or isn’t ready for one yet then that’s the end of it – kids absolutely change everything and put extra pressure on your resources. Yes they’re wonderful, but if you’re in law school it’s going to put a heck of a lot of extra pressure on you while you’re already under a lot. I see no harm in waiting until afterwards when you’re in a stable position and can give more of yourself to parenthood.

Anyone who pressures their partner into children seriously needs to take a look at themself IMO. That’s a lifetime commitment and not one to be entered lightly.

wow, a voice of reason when it comes to making babies…well fucking done…!

In all likelihood, if you did get pregnant now, that extra pressure would drive a wedge between you then you’ll end up living back at home giving her all your money for child support.

Just a word of caution, if you’re not using contraception yourself, and dependent on her to take care of that, either start using protection or keep your pants on, got 2 lovely but very determined to beat the biological clock friends who pulled that ‘oopsy I’m preggers’ flanker on their partners who didn’t want a kid yet…………………..

If this isn’t a woman that you see yourself marrying, then this isn’t a woman that you would want to have a child with. If you see yourself marrying her in the future, then having a child should wait until after you are established and married. You’re both only 25 years old. You have law school and a career to focus on without the added distraction and responsibility, of a baby. It would be irresponsible for you to have children at this time. You’re definitely NTA.

Manipulative? Rounding up her buddies to bully you into a kid you’re not ready for is the ultimate definition of this.

Do not have sex with her ever again. Guaranteed in 6 months there will be an oops baby.

Condoms with holes poked through them. Stopping birth control secretly etc. Saving condoms with jizz in them and inserting them after sex. That’s how Drake ended up having a kid. The woman was getting used condoms out of the trash in his bathroom.

NTA don’t bring babies into this world with no steady job.

This baby fever goes deeper. She’s afraid you’ll leave her because you might not be very available for her. You two need to talk it though calmly and understand that both your aspirations are valid. And maybe consider leaving her for you to focus on what is important for you cause being sleep deprived and stress by an anxious girlfriend will have an impact on your cursus.

Break up with her now. She is going to get pregnant and say Whoops look I’m pregnant now what are we going to do. Do NOT have unprotected sex put the condoms somewhere she can’t find to poke holes in them. Use spermicide if having sex to help as well just incase. Protect yourself but at this point it’s seeming like it is time to walk away and focus on law school

You need to break up and focus on school. She wants a baby and she isn’t going to stop until she gets one. This means she will not take her birth control, she will tamper with condoms, try to get you in the heat of the moment so you don’t use protection….dont let her ruin your life. She isn’t respecting your life goals and her goals right now are incompatible.

NTA,

I’m a proud father of 2 kids.

Wait till you’re ready. Second year of law school is indeed not the time.

You will always be underprepared for kids but you can do your best to set them up for the right future.

Get your degree. Have a few years of childless fun (travel, go to parties, enjoy yourself) then decide if you want kids or not.

Don’t have unprotected sex with your GF, and don’t leave your protection unprotected.

NTA. If you’re not ready for the HUGE commitment that is a baby, then don’t have one. Emotional blackmail and tantrums aren’t good signs that Katie is ready to be a good mother, either. Or that she’s a good partner, for that matter. I’d be outta there like a shot.

NTA I wouldn’t even have sex with her. I wouldn’t trust that she wouldn’t try to sabotage condoms. She wants a child and she wants you to agree to it and said she wants to pressure you into agreeing to it. She’s not the person for you. She will baby trap you. Your goals do not align and you’ve got enough on your plate. It’s time to let her go.

NTA. and she is being completely selfish. and her friend was way out of line and I have a feeling your GF didn’t tell her the truth or her friend is just as crazy as her to call you manipulative.

to be honest, I think this is showing her true colors and I personally wouldn’t see future with someone who disregards my goals in life.

NTA she is the only one being manipulative here.

You’re 25 on year 2 of law school. She’s desperate for a baby because you’ve been together since the ripe old age of…22.

Seriously reconsider having sex AT ALL until your desires for children are actually on the same page. Because you’re about to be a dad.

NTA – Katie is teh AH for pressurising you to give her what she wants eventhough you, quite rightly, see that you are in no position to be a parent at the moment.

If this continues you really need to consider your relationship with her – you need to focus on yourself & your studies while at law school.

NTA. She wants a baby like it’s a designer purse to catch to up with her friends. She’d learn too late a baby isn’t a cute accessory to coo over and show off to other mommies and dress up but is actually a human who will scream, throw up, 💩 it’s cute little clothes, and need to be fed constantly. 

NTA. Having a baby is a “two yes” decision. Might be a make or break for the relationship.

In the meantime, BE CAREFUL. Guard your condoms, don’t give her access. DIspose of them yourself. If she is/claims to be on the pill, still wrap up. Beware getting into a “baby trap” with her!

NTA, if you aren’t using condoms, start.

even if she wouldnt stop her contraception, accidental pregnancies occur and she might refuse to abort if in this mindset. Condoms are the best protection for your interests at this time.

Make sure nobody’s hole-punched them first….

Who’s in charge of birth control? Are you sure she’s not already pregnant and is feeling you out?

NTA because your reasons are valid but if she’s on the pill etc you might want to think about you taking more responsibility for not making a baby.

Dude, you can totally prioritize your education and she can totally prioritize having kids.

You don’t get to dismiss her wants just it because it doesn’t line up with yours.

You want different things and should pursue your goals separately.

NTA. She shouldn’t be pressuring and manipulating you into having a child. If she can’t understand that you want to be stable before having a kid, because of how draining it is mentally and financially, I think yall should break up.

> I’m not having a kid while I’m broke, sleep deprived and still in school.

No you should’t, you’re right. It seems like you have different priorities and its ok. She should find someone who wants to have a kid. NTA

Leave
Pretty simple
Graduate work for 2 years then pop out a kid. Having a kid doesn’t fix problem
Single lawyer ain’t gonna be hard to find a partner and what happens if you hate working in law?

They think you’re a manipulate ahole who doesn’t care about her (the gf)? Let her go. Tell her she’s now free to go look for some other poor slob that’s willing to impregnate her.

NTA.

Sounds to me like you’d be less exhausted and broke if you got rid of Katie. If both of you aren’t into having a child, don’t do it. It will not help either of your future lives.

nta, but neither is she for wanting to get married and have babies. This unfortunately may be a compatibility issue as you clearly are wanting different things

Good move. Stick to your guns. If you’re in a different place emotionally then maybe she weds to find somebody else. She is the AH.

Don’t have sex with her. And if you do, wear condoms that have been in your possession only. Sounds like she’s going to trap you.

Why do people always frame their questions in a language that makes it quite explicit they’ve already made their decision?

She is not a big picture thinker or a team player. Do you want a future with someone like that?

Don’t let her baby trap you. This WILL HAPPEN!! It’s time for this relationship to end.

Well sounds like her friend is ready to step up. No more sex with baby fever gf.

NTA.

Get out. Next she’ll be pregnant.

Sounds like breaking up is the answer.

You were honest and responsible. Nta.