Meanwhile, her husband contemplates a journey far from home, a celebration with colleagues that feels worlds away from the reality she faces. The excitement of a trip to Europe contrasts sharply with the silent vigilance she must maintain, their lives tethered by invisible threads of worry and devotion. In this poignant crossroads, their separate paths underscore the profound sacrifices woven into the fabric of family and hope.
My husband is planning to go on an all expenses paid celebratory trip with colleagues to Europe soon (and is adding a couple of days to see family). At the time of his travels, I will be 32/33 weeks pregnant with our second child.
Although I really would love for him to go and have some fun, there’s several reasons why I’m not feeling good about him going on this trip:
– This is a high risk pregnancy. Our first child was born at 32 weeks being severely growth restricted (weighing less than a kilo).
This pregnancy, the same issue has been found, however I am taking medication that seems to work so far. As of 28 weeks onwards, the risks increase, and therefore we are having a growth scan every two weeks.
These scans are important and although it seems to all go okay so far, there is a risk that the baby stops growing and needs to be born before the scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. Having said that, all looks okay so far and we are optimistic about making the 38 weeks.
– I am the caretaker of our toddler, but due to this pregnancy I was told to take it really easy and not lift anything (including my toddler).
With my husband away all of the care would be on me and it would be very difficult to take it easy.
– We have recently moved to another continent and have no social network or backup in place – if something were to happen I have no idea who to call to look after our toddler.
I would literally be on my own.
– He would be away for 10 days total, which I think is too long.
– He would be two flights away, total of 15 hours in the air excluding layover.
– The 32 week mark will be an emotional time for me, as that’s when our first child was born through emergency c-section after a very scary pregnancy in which we were never sure he would make it.
He spent 2 months in hospital before coming home. Hitting the 32 weeks will be a milestone, but at the same time brings back memories. I’m just not feeling very confident, the further along I get.
– Im at a higher risk of getting pre-eclampsia and last weeks blood test showed heightened values.
Nothing concerning yet, but something to keep checking up on.
– The event will be at a destination famous for its party scene. There will be a lot of alcohol and whatnot involved, making a potential “emergency” flight home impossible.
I feel this is inconsiderate and irresponsible considering the situation.
Although I don’t want to be the one telling him he can’t go, I have mentioned to him that I feel uncomfortable with him going on this trip. He says he feels bad for going, but does not consider cancelling.
Am I the asshole for making him feel bad for going on this trip? Or is he asshole for putting this trip over his wife and children’s wellbeing?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant emotional and practical distress regarding her husband’s planned celebratory work trip to Europe while she is heavily pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy. Her discomfort stems from serious medical concerns, the lack of local support for her toddler, and the emotionally charged timing of the travel coinciding with the anniversary of their first child’s difficult birth. The central conflict lies between the OP’s justified need for her husband’s presence and support during this vulnerable period and the husband’s desire to attend a pre-arranged, all-expenses-paid event.
Is the OP being unreasonable by prioritizing her immediate, high-risk physical and emotional needs over her husband’s desire to take this specific trip? Conversely, is the husband demonstrating a lack of responsibility by insisting on traveling internationally for a non-essential event when his wife is medically vulnerable and unsupported?
Here’s how people reacted:
When I was pregnant, my husband was asked to go on a medical aid trip (think Doctors Without Borders), which is something he had always wanted to do, but I would have been about 36 weeks pregnant at the time, and he immediately said he couldn’t. I wasn’t high risk, I had no restrictions, but he didn’t want to leave me alone with our toddler to go to another continent and potentially risk missing the birth of his child or not being there in case of emergency, even if it was to help other people.
Your husband is being a selfish AH. Of course he shouldn’t go. But also, it’s 100% for you to say to him, “you going is not a good idea and is not safe for me, our unborn child, or our toddler. If I go into labor early or need a c-section, there will literally be no one here to watch our child. Your responsibilities as a father are far more important than a “celebratory work trip.” He should’ve figured this out on his own, but since he didn’t, so not feel the slightest bit bad for laying it out for him.
ETA : typo
NTA
You’re NOT. The doctor has already told him what is required to give this baby the best chance. Just because the doc hasn’t said outright “stick around”, it was most definitely implied! How the hell are you supposed to “take it easy” with a toddler without a support system in place? You know no one right now, and “no lifting anything” is impossible with a little one. If hubs is STILL planning on going on this trip, regardless of risk to you and baby (not to mention the toddler!), then HE’S TA and you need to remind him that right now, YOU’RE the priority, not a European vacation. Put your foot down and his actions going forward will tell you whether you and the kids are R E A L L Y that important to him. Then you can plan for the next steps.
Absolutely NTA
Given all the risk factors for your pregnancy, he WBTA if he went on this trip anyway. He needs to be at home, helping with the toddler, and making sure you’re following doctors’ orders to protect your baby.
Will it suck for him? Yes. Is it a bummer? Absolutely? Does that change things? No. Being an adult means making hard choices, and this is one of those times.
He absolutely should not be going on this trip. You have no one to care for your toddler if you go into labour or if your health declines and your pregnancy is already known to be incredibly high risk.
He needs to cancel it, even if it’s related to work. Most companies would make an exception given the circumstances and a family visit shouldn’t be a priority for him right now.
ETA
Just clocked that this is a celebratory trip rather than a work one.
Hubby needs a wake up call. This isn’t remotely okay.
Since he won’t cancel, look into having someone to come and stay with you for those 10 days and tell him that he’s the one paying for that help because it’s not coming out of your pocket.
I’d be petty enough to block him for the entiere time he’s gone and not give him any news.
I’d probably also leave some prints about lawyers and divorces around for him to see and understand that he is going, things are not going back to normal when he comes back.
>I am the caretaker of our toddler, but due to this pregnancy I was told to take it really easy and not lift anything (including my toddler). With my husband away all of the care would be on me and it would be very difficult to take it easy.
>At the time of his travels, I will be 32/33 weeks pregnant with our second child.
>Our first child was born at 32 weeks
>He says he feels bad for going, but does not consider cancelling.
He won’t cancel this trip that you can’t go on to see the birth of his own child because, VACAY BABY!!!
He obviously doesn’t ‘feel bad’ at all. He just wants a nice relaxing free holiday. Selfish jerk
*edited to fix typo
But you are at risk, and you have a toddler. Asking you to be along for 10 days is… scary. The fact that you can’t get any help from people around you is concerning too.
NTA. He needs to stay close to be able to help.
INFO : when you spoke to him did you lay out your concerns like you have in this post?
PS I hope all goes well for you and your baby
That he doesn’t consider cancelling is harsh.
Does he plan to hire you help for that time? At least organising emergency childcare?