In the shadow of impending loss, the daughter sought to reclaim a fragment of normalcy, embracing forbidden freedoms as if racing against time. Her quiet rebellion was a poignant testament to a young soul desperate to taste life’s fleeting joys before the inevitable, leaving her parents torn between heartbreak and understanding.
Hello, I am the (42) father to a 16 year old girl.
About 3 months ago we found out via a visit to the hospital that our daughter had a late stage form of brain cancer and were told that survival was not likely. We tried anyway, but despite our best efforts we found no improvement in the cancer.
My daughter is aware of this.
Well, recently, my wife was looking for a hair straightener my daughter had borrowed and found a few grams of marijuana, an elf-bar vape, as well as a partially empty handle of Tito’s Vodka in her bedroom.
When confronted, my daughter confessed to have been using these substances for about a month at that point. She said that since she knew she wasn’t likely going to survive past 18, she wanted to try these things socially, and assured us she was being responsible with them.
I myself am a user of these substances, as we live in a legal state. I do not vape, though I do smoke cigarettes, drink, and will occasionally roll myself a joint. While normally I would not want my children using these, I thought I could make an exception due to the circumstances.
My wife, however, disagrees. She only drinks a glass of wine every now and then, and dislikes nicotine and marijuana.
We had a conversation and came to the conclusion that she would be allowed to do these things under my supervision, as long as they are from retail stores and dispensaries and not street dealers, though my wife remains adamant she should not be doing them at all.
AITA?
Conclusion
The father currently accepts his daughter’s substance use given her terminal diagnosis, believing it aligns with her desire to experience things before she dies, while the mother strongly opposes this use altogether due to her personal aversion to the substances. The core conflict centers on whether the daughter’s limited time justifies temporary use of substances, and who controls the boundary setting in this unique crisis.
Considering the daughter’s imminent prognosis, should the parents prioritize her immediate autonomy and experiential desires, or must they maintain a firm stance against substance use regardless of the terminal timeline? Which viewpoint best serves the daughter’s final well-being?
Here’s how people reacted:
EDIT: Thank you kind Redditors for blowing this up! If you are so inclined, donate your time to your local hospice as a volunteer! Elderly and sick people are always jonesing for company. It’s a great way to give back!
Sorry for the all around shit circumstances though.
I am so sorry what your family is going through. Pot is a legitimate comfort measure for cancer patients. I have no issue with your daughter experimenting under the circumstances.
I would be careful with the liquor. Not because I have an issue with her wanting to try it. Only because liquor and some medications can be a disaster when combined. I wouldn’t want her doing anything that could cause her significant harm. But, if you check her meds and there is no contraindications with alcohol. Then, she can have at it.
Your sweet girl is going to miss so much. I would let her do pretty much whatever she wants at this point. The only line I would draw is something that would hurt someone else.
I think you’re right, if she has so little time left then she should get to experience that type of thing, if it’s what she wants.
But I also completely understand why your wife disagrees. Allowing smoking and drinking that young goes against the normal parenting timeline, and having to admit that she is running out of time to rebel or party or whatever is also admitting that she has so little time left. That must be immensely difficult, and I do not envy either of you.
Stick to your guns, but be understanding of your wife’s thought process as well. What a heartbreaking thing to come to terms with. My thoughts today are with your family.
So she’s doing these things with her peers?
She’s 16. She literally doesn’t have the brain maturity to know if things are “responsible”. Whoever is supplying her is breaking the law, so clearly someone isn’t being responsible
YTA if you’re encouraging or enabling these things.
Have you looked into the interaction of your daughter’s meds with alcohol? Because if she’s on pain meds and mixing them with alcohol you could lose her long before her disease kills her
Also, i’m sorry for what’s happening to your daughter. Take care of your family and enjoy every second.
Have you three sat down and made a bucket list with her? I know she probably won’t get to do everything she wants but I’m sure there are a few things you can fit in.
And my condolences OP. I can only imagine the heartbreak you and your family are going through.
If your daughter has more than half a year or so less, then you start leaning towards TA.
Dying tomorrow, go do blow off a toilet seat. Dying in a year, maybe try and be good for another 6 or 8 months before not having to worry about ill effects.
Nothing wrong for wanting to try some vices. Poor mom is prob coping. Hopefully you can make some fun lasting memories and avoid anymore conflict.