The OP found that wearing the bonnet drastically improved their hair management. However, the situation escalated when the OP’s father’s new girlfriend, whom the OP barely knew, saw them wearing the bonnet. The girlfriend reacted strongly, accusing the OP of racism and cultural appropriation, leading to a heated argument that ended with the OP asking both the girlfriend and their father to leave their apartment, causing them to cut their visit short. Now, the OP is facing nonstop pressure from their father to apologize to the girlfriend.
Yes this is as dumb as the title sounds.
For some context: I’m white. I have super thin, curly hair and every time I go to sleep, I wake up with the worst bedhead. I mean giant knots in my hair, hair sticking up in all different directions and it’s super frizzy.
My best friend is black, and she thinks it’s hilarious how crazy it looks sometimes. I told her over the summer that I was really tired of how unmanageable my bedhead is and for my birthday recently she got me a bonnet!
She wears one to bed every night so she thought it would help my bedhead. Oh boy does it! I don’t know how exactly it does it, but my bedhead has wildly improved since I started wearing my bonnet.
Way less frizzy and I rarely get knots anymore.
Now to the problem. My dad and his girlfriend came to visit me recently, and his girlfriend (who’s also white) saw me wearing my bonnet. I just want to say, I literally just met this lady.
My dad has a new girlfriend every time I see him so this woman is nearly a complete stranger. When she saw me wearing my bonnet, she went off on me. She called me racist and said I was “culturally appropriating headwear”.
I tried to explain to her that wearing a bonnet isn’t a racial thing, it’s a hair texture thing. Apparently this was somehow me invalidating her beliefs or some shit and she got very emotional.
To prove my point, I called my best friend, put her on speaker and asked her if she felt like me wearing a bonnet was racist. She was just laughing her ass off at my question. My dad’s girlfriend stormed out of my apartment and “went to cool off”.
When she got back she apologized for storming off and told me I owed her an apology. I asked for what. She said I hurt her feelings. I refused. I told her to get her shit and get out of my apartment.
My dad said he was disappointed by my behavior, and I told him to get out too. Ultimately they cut their visit short. Now, I’ve literally been getting texts nonstop from my dad telling me to apologize to her and saying that I’ve “broken her heart”.
I’m probably an AH for this part, but I told him not to worry and that I’ll just apologize to his next girlfriend with a white savior complex.
I told this all to my mom, and as much as she hates my dad, she said it was a bit uncalled for me to just kick him and his girlfriend out of my apartment and on to the street. Idk though I don’t feel badly at all.
AITAH?
Conclusion
The core conflict revolves around the OP prioritizing their practical need and the positive feedback from their best friend over the strong, emotionally charged accusation of cultural appropriation made by a relative acquaintance. The OP feels justified in defending their choice and asking the guests to leave their home, despite their father’s disappointment and insistence on an apology.
The central question is whether the OP was wrong to immediately eject their father and his girlfriend from their apartment following the argument, or if the girlfriend’s strong reaction justified the swift removal. Readers must weigh the OP’s right to comfort and boundary-setting in their own home against the severity of the emotional response generated by the perceived offense.
Here’s how people reacted:
As a black woman I’m telling you that she’s the problem not you. We despise when people act like her because she is not standing up for our rights at all, she is policing other people in a manner that allows her to pat herself on the back to make herself feel superior.
Tell daddy tomcat you’ll apologize to the flavor of the month when she stops misappropriating racist rage to make herself feel superior.
Girl enjoy your bonnet and go to a black hair store when you get a chance, they may not only be able to recommend product to help with the hair issues but they have really cute bonnets so you can pick whatever one you like. Welcome to the bonnet sisterhood. Best of luck
I’m European-American with curly hair, wear a bonnet every night, too, and guess who gave me mine as well? It’s pretty common for friends to give one another stuff and only weirdos think this constitutes cultural appropriation.
If this were my father I’d demote him permanently and from now on only interact with him: 1) deceptively and 2) for material gain. I mean, it seems he’s not a familial asset in any other way but possibly material at this point. If he’s not even doing that for you and you don’t think you’re getting inheritance why not just start ignoring him?
Oh no! He’s *disappointed*! That’s such a not nice feeling! You know, people need to just learn to live with their disappointment instead of thinking it’s means someone else did something wrong.
You could be *disappointed* with his reaction.
>I’ve “broken her heart”.
Oh no!! The poor dear is heartbroken!!! That would seem to vault straight past “disappointment”.
>and on to the street.
Are they homeless now?
NTA
(Bonnets are very helpful for curly, tangly hair. Mine is a little curly and I find braiding it is enough.)
Isn’t it kind of appropriation to feel offended on behalf of other people? 🤔
But also, hair care has no cultural boundaries. The bonnet has been around for a very long time, across multiple cultures and origins.
But you stood your ground, which is good. Her take was absolutely wild.
What did you say that “hurt her feelings”? Did you call her out her name or cuss at her or anything?
It would be different if you wore an appropriative hairstyle in public but you can wear a bonnet in your own home.
Don’t worry, if your dad sticks to his routine she will be his ex sooner than your current shampoo bottle gets empty.
The amount of push overs on this site who take shit off random idiots, astounds me.
It’s Your home, fuck that cheeky bitch. I’d have done the same.
NTA
Tell him you’ll do better with his next girlfriend.
For real though, white people policing each other over these things is the wildest shit.
But if the GF overheard your comment about apologizing to your dad’s next GF that was cruel to her.
As a black person, I don’t think it’s racist for you to wear a bonnet to bed. Your dad’s girlfriend is simply weird.
It’s good you kicked her out.
You don’t owe her jack!
She is in your space, giving ‘her’ opinion.
Tell your dad that she is not welcome in your home.
She certainly owes you an apology for insulting you in your own house.