Caught in the crossfire of guilt and exhaustion, she reluctantly agrees to babysit after a late-night plea, holding onto the hope that her sacrifice will be temporary and respected. Yet beneath the surface, the weight of unspoken resentment and the strain of endless responsibility threaten to unravel the fragile balance she’s fought so hard to maintain.
I am my brother and SIL’s only relative in the city. When SIL was pregnant I made it clear that I’d only babysit for them in the case of a serious emergency, e.g. someone has a medical emergency.
I won’t babysit if they just wanted time off from being parents, because I don’t have the free time for that. I work 60-100 hours a week, so if anyone needs time off, it’s me.
Last year, my brother and SIL asked me to babysit on the day of an informal work meeting, a lake retreat organized by my company. Everyone is expected to go, and it’s frowned upon if you miss it.
They wanted to go on a date. I said no, I have an important work event. They continued to nag me about how they haven’t gone on a date for so long.
The night before that day, they called in a panic and said their friend Mike from the next city over had been in a car accident, and I needed to babysit nephew for a few hours so that they could go visit Mike.
I reluctantly agreed, with the stipulation that they’d be back by 7 am the next day to pick nephew up so I could leave for my work event. They did not come back until two days later.
I had to cancel on my superiors morning of, which looked awful. My brother and SIL never responded to multiple texts and calls from me. Their excuse was that Mike’s life was in danger and they were too busy helping his girlfriend.
I accepted that, since I had met both Mike and his girlfriend at a party in the past and thought they were good people, but I emphasized that this absolutely could not happen again.
Throughout the next two months, my brother and SIL regularly used the excuse of aiding Mike in his recovery and needing to visit him in order to make me babysit my nephew.
Mike’s girlfriend’s company and my company had a meeting two months after Mike’s “accident”. I ran into her and asked her how Mike was recovering. Apparently, she had no idea he had ever been hospitalized.
Neither did Mike. Mike had never been in an accident, and although brother and SIL had gone to visit them recently, it was for drinks and bowling, not bringing them chicken noodle soup in the hospital.
I confronted brother and SIL, and they denied at first, but finally admitted they had been lying about Mike’s accident so that they could go on date nights. They claimed I “gave them no choice since I would never help them out when they needed time together because parenting was so stressful and difficult and I had no idea and it was just a little white lie”.
I made it clear that after this incident, I would never babysit for them again, and I’ve stuck to that. Yesterday my brother and SIL begged me to babysit for them because there was an actual medical emergency in SIL’s family.
I still said no. They didn’t care about betraying my trust, so I don’t care if they can’t afford childcare or if their relative is in the hospital. They said I was a bad aunt, needed to get over my grudge, and a petty asshole.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) established clear boundaries regarding babysitting, which were repeatedly violated by their brother and sister-in-law (SIL) through deception regarding a non-existent emergency. This betrayal of trust led the OP to refuse help even when a genuine family medical emergency arose, solidifying the breakdown in their relationship dynamics.
Does the OP’s absolute refusal to assist during a verified medical emergency constitute fair self-protection against past manipulation, or does it represent an abandonment of familial duty when support was truly needed? Where should the line be drawn between maintaining personal boundaries and providing necessary aid to close relatives?
Here’s how people reacted:
I know your brother is your relative so I hate to say this, kind of, but that man is a Grade A jerk. So is your sister-in-law. Really, what terrible, terrible people. They really don’t have much character if they would lie like that. There’s nothing “little” or “white” about it. And, what kind of lesson is that for your nephew about right and wrong?
They’re lucky that you’re even still speaking to them because I don’t think I would be.
And, what do they mean, “They had no choice”? They could make friends with the neighbors, they could hire a babysitting service — they had other options than to not only lie to you but to make you miss an important work event. You could have been seriously hamstrung at your job over that!
Not only are you NTA, I’m almost ready to ask you for their phone number so I can chew them out, myself. I’m furious on your behalf!
60-100 hours a week!! Every hour not at work is precious to you I’m sure.
To lie about a friends health and then not show back up for two days?!? I would of reported them missing after a max 24 hours of no response!
Parents are N-O-T entitled to date nights. Are they good for parents to have? YES, definitely! I agree parents need a break and be child free for a few hours. Have I offered to babysit for family so they can do that? Yes! Would my family do this? Absolutely not. parents signed up for child filled days, when they made the decision to keep the baby.
I’d tell them to go read the story about the boy who cried wolf….and that maybe they shouldn’t take advantage of the one emergency option they had left. Sometimes you can’t get a babysitter on demand. Oh well, their loss. Tell the brother to stay home with baby while SIL tends to her family.
Also, hospitals sometimes have places that kids can go too.
So no, you are not an asshole, and your brother and SIL ARE. I would be so pissed if someone did that to me. They basically ran a con on you, and they wonder why you don’t wanna help them anymore ?
They were due back by a certain time but showed up *two days later*. Wtf?! Screwing with your job / livlihood is unforgiveable! Then, not only did they lie initially, about someone’s life being on the line, they continued to lie repeatedly. There is no justifying any of that. These are *their* children. Welcome them to life as a parent! Being “an aunt” doesnt mean you agree to take the kids every time the parents want to go out. Your relationship with their kids is not for exploitation purposes.
These people aren’t just assholes, they are bad parents. Who the hell drops their kid off to the person they’ve tricked into babysitting and then *ghosts* them for **two days?!**
Edit: NTA, sorry I forgot to put that in there!
They scammed you not once but for a while. These are natural consequences. Their child, their lack of childcare, their desire for downtime, their choices – none of those things are your responsibility. They can learn to solve their problems on their own time out of their own wallets.
Plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter.
After taking advantage of your good will like that, and potentially damaging your career, they have no right to expect anything from you like that again.
They can always take their child with them if it’s a task emergency. They betrayed your trust.