Caught between love and conflict, she watched helplessly as her boyfriend’s anger grew, fueled by a desperate need to protect and defend. Despite her pleas for reason and peace, the looming fight was inevitable—a collision of fear, pride, and unresolved pain that threatened to unravel everything she held dear.
I ended things with my ex a year ago, and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. My ex, during this time, has refused to move on and basically has repeatedly sent me flirty texts until I blocked him, as well as hitting on me in person, blatantly in front of my boyfriend too.
I’ve told him multiple times that I am not interested and that I love my new boyfriend, but he has persisted.
This has led to my boyfriend wanting to fight him for ‘disrespecting you and I and our relationship’. I always told him that this wasn’t a good idea, because violence isn’t the answer, but the real reason is half that and also half because I know my ex would beat him in a fight: my ex trains in the gym a lot and also does multiple martial arts, whereas my boyfriend isn’t really into fitness and is very skinny.
He finally told me last week that he is going to fight my ex at a party they’ll both be at that Saturday (this past saturday). I begged him not to, and told him bluntly that he will lose and make himself look bad.
He responded saying that he’s a lot bigger than my ex (he’s quite tall and my ex is average height) so he’ll be fine. I repeatedly warned him, but he brushed it off.
Lo and behold, exactly what I said happened, and he ended up losing, although he wasn’t hurt too badly aside from his ego. He came to me upset and expected sympathy, but I just felt irritated and said that I had told him exactly that this would happen, and he chose not to listen.
He’s angry at me for being unsupportive, but I feel like I tried to warn him. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced continuous boundary violations from an ex-partner, which created significant stress within her current relationship. Despite her repeated rejections, the ex persisted in disrespectful behavior, ultimately provoking her new boyfriend into a physical confrontation.
Given that the OP warned her boyfriend of the likely negative outcome yet he proceeded with the fight, was the OP justified in her lack of sympathy after his defeat, or did her prior knowledge obligate her to offer support regardless of his poor decision-making?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’d honestly lose all respect for current bf- not (just) because he got beat up, more because he ignored your completely valid advice to not resort to physical violence, risked an assault charge cause he started it, and made himself look like a loser when he got whooped. All this did was make ex feel superior which is the last thing you needed. Tell them both you don’t speak Neanderthal and to go away.
That aside I honestly can’t see anyone lookkng good in this situation. Your ex is a stalking/harassing creep, your boyfriend is violent, and you still stay with him ?!
Technically about your question NTA despite it being cold indeed, but he had it coming. But the overall scenario for me is a ESH situation. You should genuinely consider distancing yourself from *both* of them. What your boyfriend did isn’t heroic or cute, it’s concerning and creepy. All of you need a lot growing up to so still.
Relationship is over. He can’t listen and respect what you wanted to do and after this event will never look at you the same anyway, it’s over. However, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done nearly enough to stop the ex from his advances. I think it’s normal for the boyfriend to feel a bit threatened by this, but going off to “fight for your honor” is literally stupid.
Move on with your life without either of these clowns.
The two former exes begin tormenting the new boyfriend. He says he can take them on despite warnings from OP. He does, and the two ex boyfriends beat him silly. His ego is wounded and he signs up for martial arts training… would you know it, it’s the same gym OPs two exes are attending. The new boyfriend befriends the two exes while sparring. OP dumps him top and gets a new boyfriend…
The first time your ex flirted with you, he should’ve been warned. The second time, blocked. And the third, humiliated.
It should’ve never reached the point where you let him humiliate your boyfriend by flirting with you in front of him. You let it get to that, whether you’d like to admit it or not. Not only that, but now you also talk about your BF getting beat up like it doesn’t affect you whatsoever and like you couldn’t have done anything to prevent it for the past 6 months.
ESH
Lol, how old are y’all? This is so childish. You shouldn’t be spending time around your ex if he’s like this, and your boyfriend isn’t a samurai living by a code of honour. And your ex is a disrespectful asshole.
The sensible and logical thing to do here would’ve been to completely disengage from your ex, gone no contact and not gone to things he was at, and spent time together as a couple not worrying about a third party.
Your ex sounds like he has a restraining order coming his way, plus the fact he assaulted your boyfriend.
You sound far too dismissive of the fact your boyfriend has been beaten up and that your ex still pursues you directly in front of your current boyfriend.
Your boyfriend needs to pick his battles and realise that life is not a movie where he needs to defend your honour against your evil ex.
He didn’t fight for you, but for his own ego. You told him he shouldn’t fight, you insisted on this point, yet he still did it ? You can’t say you’re doing something for someone when said someone told you not to (especially multiple times). Also, he’s a moron for thinking his size would make it an easy fight
Because honest with yourself. You enjoyed the fact that your current bf was beaten up by your ex.
he kind of asked for this 💁🏻♀️
I think the best thing would have been to cut contact with him without further ado.
Also ESH
Y’all kind of got what you deserved, though, so….
Now I wanna know why you dating a man who can’t fight 😔😩