AITA for refusing to drive my ex boyfriend to the ER

After four years of love and betrayal, she finally found the courage to break free on New Year’s Day, only to be haunted by his relentless calls and unwanted visits. Each ignored message and firm boundary seemed to fuel his desperation, dragging her back into a storm of pain and guilt she never asked for.

When he called in the dead of night, claiming unbearable pain and pleading for help, her heart wavered but her resolve didn’t. She refused to be pulled back into his chaos, only to later learn the depth of his suffering—and now, the weight of his illness threatens to crush her with a guilt she never deserved.

AITA for refusing to drive my ex boyfriend to the ER

I (24f) broke up with my boyfriend (28m) of 4 years on new years day due to infidelity. Ever since then he’s been constantly calling me, messaging me on literally every social media app and coming around to my house even though I’ve told him numerous times he has to stop contacting me.

Last Wednesday at 2 in the morning, he called me repeatedly until I answered and he told me he was in bad pain and felt sick and he thinks he needs to go to the hospital.

I told him to call an ambulance if it’s that bad but he said he can’t afford the bill.

Honestly I didn’t really believe there was anything wrong with him so I wasn’t really taking him seriously. I asked him what did he expect me to do and he replied that he wants me to give him a lift to the hospital because he’s in too much pain to drive himself.

I blatantly refused, told him to call his brother to take him and then hung up.

Anyways, turns out he was diagnosed with pancreatitis and he’s been making me feel guilty about it ever since and he’s expecting me to visit him in the hospital “to make it up to him.”

I’m feeling pretty bad about the whole situation.

Aita?

Here’s how people reacted:

activelurker777

NTA. As it sounds as if your ex had others who could help him, so this is a manipulation tactic. If you do not want a relationship with him, I suggest that not only should you not visit him, because doing so will send the message that he can continue to manipulate you and keep him in your life, but also give him one final message, that is, “we are no longer in a relationship so please stop contacting me or else I will have to pursue all remedies, including legal means, to ensure that you do not continue to harass me.” Then block him from all means of contact. He will throw fits and still try so you should document all such attempts. Hopefully, he will eventually give up, but please bear in mind that he is upset because of HIS behavior, not yours, even though he will try to make YOU feel guilty. HE cheated, and you decided rightfully that it was unacceptable.

Please remember that you deserve better.

AQualityKoalaTeacher

NTA

He’s using his medical issue as a way to ooze back in into your life. Or trying to. I hope you’ll ignore him. And block him.

Don’t feel bad. He lied and cheated. He was the one who taught you that lying and cheating is what he does. If he hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have believed his pancreatitis was a lie and/or cheat.

Even in the event of a real issue, there’s zero reason for him to call you or for you to pick up. He’s your ex. Your lying, cheating ex. Lock the door and throw away the key. Never answer it again.

Nobud8_PrimaryOnion

NTA Nearly a month after you broke up with him he calls you and wants you to take him to the hospital. That might be something normal for an amicable breakup, but this is no amicable breakup. He cheated on you! You’ve told him to leave you alone… Has he done that no. He’s been harassing and stalking you on social media.

Block him and maybe file harassment with the police in case this gets worse or keep going on… you’ll want a paper trail if you ever want to get a restraining order.

anchovie_macncheese

NTA.

Block him. Whether or not he had a real issue, he’s clearly doing everything he can to try and rope you back into his life.

He could have called friends, or his parents, or how about the girl he cheated on you with? Or maybe an Uber ffs?? Either way, he is not your responsibility. He’s a grown man who can deal with his own issues, and needs to face the consequences of his actions.

lonnielee3

NTA. The ex had several alternatives of ways to the hospital and you have *nothing* to,feel,guilty about. Consider blocking this guy and moving on. He’s an ex and you don’t owe him the time of day much less all the care and attention he is demanding. He’s moved into harassing and stalking behavior. OP, do a hard cut off if you are serious about not taking him back.

idrow1

Holy smokes, NTA

> but he said he can’t afford the bill.

“That’s why Uber exists. Bye.” And why haven’t you blocked him if he keeps contacting you against your wishes?

While he’s in the hospital, he should get his giant balls checked out. The fact that he thinks you should make anything up to him is straight up insane. Block this guy on everything.

Adventurous-Mode-277

NTA. Pancreatitis, hm, tough break, all the more reason to call an ambulance. They can go faster and start an iv for pain meds for him.

He’s using any excuses he can find to get you close so he can get back with you. Don’t fall for it.

Charlie__Bravo

If you are TA at all it’s because you haven’t blocked him on all social media’s, and his phone number. Also, if he’s been turning up at your house, maybe it’s time for a restraining order to ensure he stays a certain distance away.

aceachilleus

NTA this guy is incredibly manipulative please just cut yourself off from him entirely if he isn’t respecting your boundaries. You cannot have been the only person he could have asked for a lift.

Nova_Lurker

NTA.

He’s behaving like a stalker. Seriously.

>coming around to my house even though I’ve told him numerous times he has to stop contacting me

Get a restraining order if you have to.

thebooksmith

NTA

You weren’t the only option to take him to the hospital and while he was sick it just sounds like he was just trying to force you into his presence again.

Equivalent-Horror-67

If you broke up with him then it is not your responsibility to help him. But as a human with a heart maybe you could have helped him. Who cheated on who? NTA

Thediciplematt

NTA.

A clean cut is always the best in this case. Sorry he has a real emergency but he should have thought about what he was giving up before he cheated.

neverthelessidissent

NTA. You broke up. He doesn’t get to use you for favors. He especially needs to back off for cheating on you and then acting like a friggen stalker.

Fruit-Additional

NTA. Have you blocked him? I would tell him if he contacts you again you’ll inform the police of his harassment.

Huahuamama

NTA- tell him next time to instead call/bother whoever he cheated on you with and then block his number

Conclusion

The original poster is grappling with significant guilt after refusing to help her ex-boyfriend seek medical attention following their breakup due to his infidelity. Her refusal stemmed from a lack of trust due to his persistent contact attempts after setting clear boundaries, which ultimately left him to seek care alone for a serious condition, pancreatitis.

Does the OP hold responsibility for prioritizing her emotional safety and established boundaries over the ex-partner’s immediate, urgent medical needs, or was her refusal an inappropriate response given the severity of his health crisis?