I’ve lived in the Philippines, US, and Canada, and I can tell you if I see a dog without a leash I immediately will make judgement calls about the person, right or wrong. I don’t want some large dog coming at me, or putting their paws on me, or just expecting me to even like dogs, no matter how friendly. Crating is also not cruel it’s another form of training that has its own benefits, and not something you do for life.

You’re clearly a good person it seems to me, and you explained the reasoning as well, but sometimes you and your friends can have your own sense of ignorance and judgments the same as the American lady

NTA

I mean, I would’ve simply said “Last time we hung out you very vocally insulted how everyone in this group raised their dogs and gave unsolicited and unwanted advice to total strangers. It came off as abrasive and unfriendly. That may not have been your intention, but it was the effect”

As it stands you sort of made it sound (I’m sure unintentionally), that “People who raise dogs the way you do aren’t welcome in our group” instead of “You kinda stuffed your foot in your mouth and should probably apologize if you want to make friends” which is what you’re saying really happened.

NTA. And just an FYI, I’m from the US, pro crate, pro leash, anti shock collar (in general) and of the opinion that when you join a animal group, you shut up and listen as maybe I won’t like the way you treat your animals and will want to avoid you.

Of course my Herding bred dog is a pain in a group as he wants to tell everyone where to be so a leash just helps everyone out.

I think what you did was brave and we need more people like you in the world.  I hate being left in the dark, being ostracised without knowing why.  You could have offered to explain in more detail in person but you are certainly not obliged to. I also think that because she’s from US, you especially did the right thing so she can settle in properly.

NTA. I think the reason people often don’t have a confrontation with the person is its impossible to tell how they will react, especially if they’re that oblivious to social cues, they might want to take it out on you later.

It sounds like your motives were good and that you tried to be kind about it. Don’t overthink it too much.

NTA. But the way the group handled it was cruel. They should’ve replied and said no thank you rather than acting like she didn’t matter or exist at all.

They were being passive aggressive rather than being straight up, which is uncool. You on the other hand, did the right thing and lead with compassion.

NTA. I think it was kind of you to tell her. I’m sure it was hard for her to hear, but it will probably help her to make friends in the future.

She will either learn to tone it down a little or she will seek out more like-minded people if she just can’t set her opinions to the side.

I think you did the right thing. It’s hard to believe there’s somebody in the twenties who has such little social awareness, but there’s no reason for you to put up with that, and if you had succeeded in opening her eyes so she could moderate her behavior, it would be a good outcome.

NTA. You handled the situation with more empathy than others who were ignoring her messages entirely. While it was a tough conversation you gave her clarity about why she wasn’t getting responses. That’s kinder than leaving her confused and excluded without explanation.

NTA. You were honest and direct without being unnecessarly cruel or mean. You at least showed her some basic decency by explaining the situation.

Honestly I find it a little cruel to just ignore someone, isn’t a good look for the rest of your group.

NTA

You were as kind and gentle as you could be, considering what you were telling her. Everyone else was just ignoring her and hoping she’d go away on her own.

Just wondering though (as I’m sure everyone else is), what exactly was she saying??

NTA

Unless someone is being hurt she can keep her opinions to herself. I know a few parents who are like this about child rearing. Strict specific beliefs and want to shove them down all other parents throats. I laugh at them and cut them off.

Has anyone wondered if she has any nd issues sounds like it to me by the fact she seemed oblivious to it. She is quite young. Lack of confidence can come out the wrong way. I’m adhd exclusion for behaviour is soul destroying. Just a thought.

NTA – From what you say, she felt comfortable giving unsolicited advice, so it seems that what you did is something that she understood, even though her feelings were hurt by it. She MAY even begin to rethink her approach with people. NTA

You are NTA, it’s amazing to me that people can live to adulthood with no concept of tolerance for other ways of thought or cultural differences. I think you were kind in how you went about it actually, and it took courage as well.

NTA. It sounds tough but sometimes the truth hurts. You did what was best for the group’s vibe, and being upfront probably saved her (and everyone else) from more awkward meetups. Maybe she’ll find a group that’s more her style!

Odd,
We have a collar that does a sound, vibrates and also shocks but only use the sound part as our dog seriously freaks out at the vibration and the only time I have used the shock part is on my husband 😂

NTA. I think you did a courageous and very kind thing. I hate ghosting. It leaves people wondering what they did wrong and they don’t learn from it. Hopefully she’ll reflect on what you told her.

Umm according to me NTA.You acted with kindness and honesty, trying to help the woman understand the group’s dynamics. Your intentions were good, even if the outcome wasn’t what you expected.

Had you said nothing, do you not think she may have gentley gotten the hint and looked for a different group?

So long as you were polite, and had no ulterior motives, the NTA.

I feel bad for her and like your group is kind of mean girlish not wanting to welcome outsiders who may have different opinions. So yeah I think you’re kinda the AH.

Dear UK: Sorry about letting that Karen loose. We try to keep our Karens under control, but they’re extremely wiley and have been known to escape.

Sincerely.

US.

Good for you for being honest with her!! She might have assumed the group fizzled for other reasons or something. Now she has a chance to do better in the future 

It was more mature and respectful to message her privately compared to her messages to continued to be ignored (as she was apparently not getting the hint).

NTA. She may not be the group’s cup of tea (pun intended), but you weren’t so cruel as to leave her hanging like the others did. Clarity is kind.

Telling her that did no good.  I’d have ignored her, like everyone else was doing.

But maybe she’ll learn, so perhaps this was a good thing.

No, you’re not the asshole. You were honest and direct, which is often appreciated, even if it’s not the news someone wants to hear. 😊

NTA. It’s just sad, she must be so lonely. Not that it excuses her behavior or anything. I think you did the best thing for everyone.

You did the right thing, as long as you were kind about it. Unfortunately, she is going to have to figure this one out on her own.

NTA. Sounds like you did her a favor. Maybe she’ll do a little self-reflection and try to see why she’s putting people off.

I mean why not just post the messages with names censored and let people see the real deal and then tell you if YTA or not?

Good on you for telling her the truth. It’s up to her to hear what you said and learn from it.

It hurts more not knowing

Americans are loud, ignorant and annoying. As a Canadian I mostly just politely agree and avoid them as much as possible. 

Healthy humans can process their disappointment, you were kind to tell her the truth kindly.

Sorry, but you’re going to have to state exactly what she said that was such a problem.

Can we get some examples on her ideas of how dogs should be cared for?

No she’s better off knowing you made the right decision

I think you did the right thing NTA