Caught in the crossfire of affection and exhaustion, she takes a stand, asking her son to respect boundaries and leave his family at home when coming to work. It’s a painful but necessary step to reclaim her peace, highlighting the delicate balance between generosity and self-preservation.
My son is 26 years old and lives with his girlfriend and they have 2 small boys, 2 and 18 months old. So, two times this week my son has come over with his family to help my husband with some work.
While he goes out to the shop to do some work his girlfriend and my grandsons are in the house with me. The first day (Saturday) they came over at 1:30 and didn’t leave until almost 6:00.
The second day (Monday) they came over at 5:30 and around 8:30 I had had enough. I went out to the shop and told my son that they needed to go home and when he comes over to work he needs to leave his family at home.
I love my kids and my grand kids but they do this so often and I feel like they are invading on my personal time and space. I have all of my kids (4) their spouses and my grandkids (4) over to my house every Sunday for dinner, so I see them all at least once a week.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing a conflict between their desire to support their son and husband and their need to maintain personal time and space at home. The OP feels that the frequent, extended visits from their son’s family, even when the stated purpose is work, are leading to an invasion of privacy, despite already hosting a large family gathering weekly.
Was the OP justified in telling their son that his family needed to leave when they were visiting for work assistance, or did this action unfairly reject their son’s family unit? The core debate centers on balancing familial obligation and hospitality against the necessity of setting firm personal boundaries within one’s own home.
Here’s how people reacted:
However have you had a conversation with the DIL to find out why she wants to spend so much time with you? Is she overwhelmed alone with the kids? Missing adult conversation? Plain old lonely? Is there any support or advice you can offer her to help her get what she needs elsewhere?
People imposing themselves on others where they’re unwanted is usually a bit of a cry for help. Most people can tell when they’re not wanted and only cling on in there when being alone is way worse than feeling unwanted with someone.
Of course she could also be an oblivious leach who will take free childcare support wherever she can see it
So… forward a few years, my dad is dead and my mother wants a relationship with the children. She’s bored and just wants something to do. But is this fair on children to find they were second best and only filling a void left from a dead partner?
So…. If FIL wasn’t on the scene, if MIL was bored and/or needed help (which she clearly isn’t happy with) then assuming it’s going to be fine to be cast adrift?
This is tricky. From what you said, your son came over because your husband needed help at work, at the shop? If that’s the case, I’m not surprised that he thought he could leave his family with you. I mean, if he’s doing your husband a favor, that’s not crazy, and it doesn’t make him an asshole.
On the other hand, it’s also reasonable for you to want your alone time. I”m also an introvert and too much time with too many people makes me crazy.
The trick now will be to clarify the rules.
I’d also be curious why the whole family tags along with him. It is odd that the gf is willing to spend this amount of time with her MIL & not sense they’ve worn out their welcome.
My mother, and MIL, enjoy having us over because they get to have that time with their grandkids.
To each their own, I guess 🤷♀️
He’s getting paid. You should not have to entertain them
Pretty damn straight forward. Only the hired help needs to be there
Its not like they leave you alone with the GK’s?, it doesn’t sound that onerous tbh.
When you accept help you don’t get to be an AH in this manner.