While at a dealership waiting for an oil change, a woman noticed the disability tag and later approached the individual in the waiting room to question why they had one, stating they were clearly not disabled. After the individual tried to disengage, the woman insisted on an answer, leading the individual to respond rudely, asking her to mind her business. This reaction caused other customers to view the individual negatively, leading to the central question of whether this response was appropriate.
I don’t think I’m the AH but I’ll let you all decide. I am 50 and on disability. I am reveling cross country next week to get on the heart transplant list. Now I don’t look disabled but after several minutes of walking I get extremely tired.
Ok so I’m at a dealership getting an oil change and a woman saw my disability card. After I sat down in the waiting room she approached and asked why I had a tag when I’m clearly not disabled.
I told her not to worry and went back to my phone. She then stated “I asked you a question…answer it”. So I replied “Do we know each other? No? Mind your own business and fuck off”.
Several customers in the waiting room thought I was rude and just needed to explain it situation but I don’t feel that’s anyone’s business.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a situation where their invisible disability led to public confrontation regarding their right to use disability accommodations. The OP prioritized privacy and avoiding unnecessary disclosure over maintaining civility when aggressively challenged by a stranger regarding a medical status that is inherently personal.
The core conflict lies between the OP’s right to privacy concerning a medical condition and the social expectation to respond politely, even when provoked. Therefore, was the OP justified in their harsh dismissal of the woman’s intrusive questioning, or should they have offered a brief explanation to manage the situation in the waiting room?
Here’s how people reacted:
I need the seats bc I’ve had 2 knee replacements and one knee revision, and it’s really uncomfortable to sit in regular seats. (It’s pretty uncomfortable for those around me too bc I fidget and have to move and stretch.)
Anyway, we got to our seats at the first tournament game and there was a couple with an adult son in a wheelchair. My husband said something along the lines of “you’re in our seats,” and the father looked at us and asked if we were handicapped.
Oh my calm, reasonable husband got upset! As I thought about it later, I ofc thought of all the smart remarks I should have said, especially like MYOB.
Funny thing was the tournament was poorly attended so they actually moved to better seats behind home plate.
And I wasn’t at all surprised when I figured out which team they supported: church-related with a history of discrimination…
As a military vet I have served my country and because of that I’ve had a few injuries, both physical and mental.
Some of my physical injuries are internal and the surgeries I’ve gone through have left me in chronic pain 5 days out of the week (the other 2 I don’t hurt as badly), not to mention the PTSD from a few Ops that randomly bump out and take a shit all over my day. Also a few other health issues like Type 2 diabetes (foot and hand neuropathy) and some other fun things.
If I see a handicapped spot I park in it. My blue tag has my name on it and I couldn’t give a fuck less if some old bag came out raging. I have yet to have it happen but if it does I’d call 911 and tell them I’m being threatened and I don’t know what the other person will do, explain I live with disabilities and need help.
Your medical diagnosis is nobodies business. Period.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. She did. 10/10 good job handling it.
It seems that too many people were never taught that old etiquette rule ‘don’t ask personal questions or make personal comments’. That woman (I changed ‘Lady’ to ‘Woman’ because she’s no Lady) was way out of line, and deserved what she got. Strangers don’t owe anyone their personal medical information. Even employers are limited in the medical information they can demand.
Your abilities or disabilities are no one’s business. Unfortunately, as a society, we’ve moved more in the direction where everyone’s business is advertised. This leads people to inject themselves where they don’t belong. They get comfortable being snarky on the internet and sometimes forget that in person, they aren’t quite as protected. Lol.
When I was younger I had an older black guy storm over to me, I could literally see the rage in his eyes, when I was in a Walmart parking lot. I just ignored him and pulled out my dads wheelchair and wheeled it over to the passenger side to help him out of the vehicle. The guys eyes immediately showed surprise/shock and he just kind of lowered his head, mumbled a sorry, and left.
I 100% support your reaction.
I’m 100% disabled. You can’t see ALS. Unless you look really close. I’m sure people say shit. I just don’t care.
When someone shows their ass that brazenly, it’s perfectly fine to lay into them, whether at a dealership, in the mall, or in church. NTA She chose to FAFO
Second, I wish I had been there to tell her to fuck off on your behalf.
She isn’t the parking police, you owed her nothing. I would have told her to shut the fuck up also for being so rude.
NTA.
Entitled people need to hear more of this.
I’d have said I’m allergic to cunts.
no