Caught in the crossfire between a parent’s plea and a customer’s autonomy, the deli owner stands firm, unwilling to police the boy’s choices. This everyday encounter reveals the deeper tensions of identity, control, and the complexities of community life, where every transaction carries more than just exchange of money—it carries the power of understanding and acceptance.
I have a deli in a small community. Recently, this kid who is 13 or 14 has been coming and buying some food that are apparently forbidden in their religion. I don’t want to mention specifics, think something like pork for Muslims or Jewish people (they are neither Muslim nor Jewish, I’m just making an example).
I’m not one to judge people for the food they eat, if you pay for it you’ll get it. I’m running a business here and I don’t want to turn customers away.
His parents came to me and asked me to not sell him these specific items which he’s not allowed to eat. And I said this is not really my business, this sounds like a matter between them and their child and really there’s nothing I can do here.
The mother said the son is going through a phase and I can help but I just said no because nobody is forcing the child to come here and quite frankly if I don’t sell it the kid goes somewhere else, it’s not as if I’m the only one selling this forbidden food around.
He can buy it from 10 other places in a 5 minute walk. The mother said then “you could have been 10% of the solution instead of 0%” and they were upset and left disappointed.
I explained it to my wife and she said, to my surprise, that I could have helped them out and the way I dismissed them was rather asshole-ish, so that’s why I’m here to see what people think.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is firm in their position that running a business requires fulfilling customer requests as long as payment is made, viewing the parents’ concern as a private family matter outside the scope of their commercial responsibility. The central conflict arises from the clash between the OP’s business neutrality and the parents’ desire for the deli owner to enforce religious or cultural restrictions on their minor child.
Given the OP’s stance on commercial freedom versus the parents’ request for assistance in guiding their child’s adherence to family rules, the debate centers on where a small business’s responsibility ends: Should the owner prioritize strict transactional neutrality, or is there a moral obligation to assist community members, especially when dealing with minors, even if it means setting a precedent for refusing sales?
Here’s how people reacted:
It isn’t on a shop keeper/stranger to enforce a religion he is clearly rebelling against, it is for his parents to sit down and have a talk about. And it’s down to the kid to decide what he truly wants. Trying to force it is just going to backfire spectacularly on the parents.
They’re a customer, and frankly it creates an inappropriate and potentially dangerous precedent of taking responsibility for your customers beyond the sale of your product.
This is a parenting issue and not your problem.
But asking doesn’t hurt and you didn’t indicate the parents were rude about it, just frustrated and disappointed. That doesn’t make then an AH either imo.
Is it even legally permissible to refuse service to a customer on the basis of religion where you live? Sounds like discrimination to me.
NTA.
This is their family issue and you politely told her that.
I am so nosey and want to know what the food is!