Yet, as he invites his brother and their children along, the simple joy of discovery is complicated by the children’s guarded palates. The promise of a vibrant, flavorful escape is shadowed by the reality of picky eaters, challenging the very essence of the journey he longs to embark upon – a journey not just across the world, but into the depths of connection and understanding.
I (M39) am currently undergoing cancer treatment. In the end of it all, I am planning to take a holiday with a friend or family member to travel to the other side of the world. I am based in the UK and I am thinking Vietnam, South Korea, Japan or somewhere around there where I have never been.
I asked my brother (M43) if he would consider coming with me. He got very excited and said his daughter (F12) and son (M8) would also come along. They are both incredibly picky eaters, and my niece only eats plain beige foods.
She won’t even have a burger at McDonalds, just chips and nuggets, and that’s pretty much 80% of the kids’ diet. I know my brother and his wife have tried hard to introduce them to other foods, but they just wont eat it.
I love the two kids to bits, I really do.
However, I want to travel to experience the food culture and that is a major part of it for me. I want to get off the beaten path and experience things in life I haven’t been brave enough to experience before.
For me, selfishly, this trip is about the end of my cancer and celebrating that there is life after cancer. It’s also not something I can easily afford.
This is where I might be the asshole. I asked my brother to come travel with me, and when he said his kids would come too, I told him I would rather travel with someone else. He is disappointed and angry with me, and frustrated that I don’t want to travel with his family.
He feels I am being selfish as travelling with his children can also be fulfilling. I would also like to spend time with them and do some child friendly things during the holiday.
He had already gotten my niece and nephew excited about the travel too. To make things worse, we live in different countries so we don’t see each other a lot. They will be very disappointed when they learn I have pulled the plug on the plans.
I feel conflicted.
So, AITA?
ETA: I am currently having cancer treatment. I only just started. I have grade 3, stage 3 thyroid cancer that is spread to cervical spine. I have chemo now, started first round, then surgery, then more chemo and then radio.
The travel won’t be until late 2026 at the earliest (god willing).
ETA: the travel will be 2 weeks
ETA: it’s not a holiday to a tourist destination, I look to go off the beaten path.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a difficult conflict between a highly personal goal—celebrating the end of cancer treatment through adventurous, food-focused travel—and the commitment made to his brother, who eagerly included his children in the plans. The central tension lies in the OP’s need for an experience tailored to his recovery goals versus the emotional disappointment caused to his brother and young niece/nephew by withdrawing the invitation.
Given the OP’s deep personal investment in this post-treatment journey focused on culinary exploration and stepping outside his comfort zone, was it justifiable to withdraw the invitation once the reality of traveling with extremely picky young children made the core goal unachievable, or should the OP have accepted the compromise for the sake of family connection despite sacrificing his primary objective?
Here’s how people reacted:
I would simply tell your brother that you thought that the two of you could enjoy spending some time together exploring non-touristy things and you didn’t expect it to morph into a family vacation. Let him know you love his family, but you’re simply not up for having to plan your time exploring around other people. It is not selfish to want to do your own thing. You don’t need to cater to anyone else. If your brother doesn’t understand it, that’s his problem. Not yours.
Let’s not forget, they may see foods they clearly haven’t seen before and kids have ZERO filter. I would tell your brother that’s on him for +2’ing his kids to a siblings trip. Maybe next time when you invite him somewhere, IF you do, he will learn to ask before assuming and getting his feelings hurt.
I totally respect this your trip btw. I wish you nothing but the best. You have every right to spend it the way you want, but I do think bringing up the food topic is a good step instead of just declining with no explanation.
Also a holiday with kids in tow is very different to one of just adults.
He was the one who told them about it, after he unfairly expected them to be able to come without it changing anything. You’re in the clear.
Hope you manage to find someone else to go with. Dreaming of making such a trip myself!
Be honest. Tell him you want to experience the country without a picky eater. Maybe pitch a trip somewhere more kid-diet-friendly for another time, and slant this one as a bros trip.
NTA
Your brother should be more understanding.
Trying new food is an adult experience. Not only adults react differently when they don’t like something but also certain foods are not good for kids. What could cause an adult to have diarrhea for a kid could be much worse.
And kids could even be allergic to certain stuff without knowing.
And honestly, he should look at this like a bonding trip with you, because we’re never promised tomorrow.
We are childless by choice and I would hate to travel with my family’s kids if they wouldn’t eat more than junk food. Also traveling with kids is just harder. You want to relax and explore not entertain kids.
NAH unless your brother tries to make you out to be some sort of villain due to his own misunderstanding.
Even if these kids were willing to try everything, kids that age still need to have almost everything edited to suit their needs. This would be a holiday for them, with you tagging along. Find someone else to go with, or really brave it and go by yourself.
Not selfish and not an ass.
NTA if you explained why. YTA if you just said no and no explanation.
He turned it into childcare. NTA. Go with someone else.