In that moment, she felt utterly alone—betrayed by the very person who should have defended her honor. Her pain was dismissed as oversensitivity, her feelings invalidated, and the cruel joke was swept away as nothing more than a laugh. The weight of rejection pressed down on her, leaving her to question where love ends and cruelty begins.
Last night I had my inlaws visit, made them dinner and put it on the table while I had my own dinner which was a youghurt and salad because I’d gained few pounds and my husband pushed for me to lose some.
Anyway, We were all sitting eating when my husband’s dad asked what I was eating. I told him a salad, with a confused look on his face he said “A SALAD??? That ain’t gon’ fill up your fat ass!!!”.
suddenly, some of my inlaws started giggling and my husband did too. I felt upset and humiliated. I got up from my seat and went to stay in my room til my inlaws left. My husband barged in asking why the hell I left my guests by themselves.
I told him his dad insulted me and made me a joke infront of everyone. He said that I was being too sensetive and too self catious and that didn’t warrant leaving the table and disrespecting his family.
I argued that he should have defended me instead of laughing along but he insisted it was just a joke and I should “chill” and then said that he’s not a lawyer or a police officer so I should quit expecting him to get involved in every disagreement I have since I’m an adult.
We kept on arguing and he said that I disrespected hos family by leaving the dinner table and hiding in my room like I was a child when I could’ve just chilled and kept my cool. My mother in law sent a long wall of text about how inappropriate my behavior was.
He may be right in that I messed up and was being a bit too sensetive since this is just how my father in law is, honest and straightforward even with his jokes. AITA? could it be that I overreacted?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt deeply humiliated and disrespected after her father-in-law made a cruel comment about her weight while her husband laughed along. Her reaction was to withdraw from the social situation, which led to conflict with her husband, who accused her of being overly sensitive and disrespecting his family by leaving the table.
Was the OP justified in reacting emotionally and removing herself from the situation due to the public insult, or did her departure constitute an inappropriate social slight against her in-laws that her husband was correct to criticize? Where does the line between accepting family ‘jokes’ and demanding basic respect lie?
Here’s how people reacted:
Jesus, throw the whole husband in the bin. If he is pushing you to change your body (if you don’t want too) and then laughing at ‘jokes’ about you then listen to these major red flags.
You stood up for yourself and left the situation, you 100% did the right thing. If you don’t feel comfortable in any situation, you should be able to leave. The fact he isn’t sticking up for you and instead some what mocked you shows who he is. You deserve someone who will stick up for you and listen to how you’re feeling, not invalidate you.
If someone shows you their true colours listen, is this a family you want to be apart of ?
“He said that I was being too sensetive and too self catious” – I mean, why wouldn’t you be? After all, he is the one pushing you to lose weight, isn’t he?
I don’t think you should have chilled and kept your cool. I think you should have confronted your FIL, asking him to not speak to you like that.
Otherwise, if you’re not a confrontational person, leaving the room works too. There’s no need for you to be around disrespectful people. Your husband is the asshole. He should have looked out for you.
And an extra AH point for your husband, who could have calmly said ‘that’s out of line, apologize right now.’ But instead, left you all by yourself to action this. And you did, yet he chastised you for it.
He doesn’t have your back. That is the main takeaway you need to acknowledge. Is that going to be ok for you going forward in your marriage? Because I am of the notion that people don’t make dramatic changes…like maybe they can change 10%, but a 180 change? Doubtful.
He literally laughed along with his dad when he fat shamed you. And he gaslighted you, he was enabling his dads behaviour and basically telling him that it’s okay to disrespect you.
Get out that’s literally abuse. Divorce him now, girl. Get away from that family. You deserve better.
He polices your weight and laughs when his family insults you. WTF? If a member of my family said something like that to my wife – which they wouldn’t – I’d throw them out myself. Immediately. No hesitation, the next words or of my mouth would be, “Get out.”
But, when your husband pushes you to lose weight and then laugh at an offensive comment made about your body, I think there’s a lot of issues in your marriage.
I think you should see a lawyer to start divorce proceedings.
NTA.
Your husband is garbage.