Wait a sec…you paid her even though YOU were doing HER the favor, moving in at HER request, right? Further, you did all chores, cleaning, care for her? Did you pay for her food/groceries too? How about her normal bills–was she at least handling that?

And now that you have given up on your own life, and been away from your own husband for two whole months, now she thinks you owe HER?!?!?

And you’re STILL planning to do all the things for her that you were doing?!?!?

OP, you have a massive case of “nice girl” syndrome, to the point where I’m baffled how your husband isn’t feeling abandoned and upset with you for leaving him alone. You are enabling her grief, which in turn keeps her from dealing with life situations that she needs to deal with. Yes, life sucks sometimes, and yes, she was dealt a sucky hand. But you are not her mother nor her carer, nor are you being paid or in any way compensated for your time and efforts (beyond “feel good syndrome,” a side effect of “nice girl-itis”), and are, in fact, paying for the privilege of being walked all over.

It’s time to kick baby (friend) out of the nest and force her to do her own work. Is she in therapy? If not, she needs to be, like, three weeks ago. You need to learn how to say “no,” “I can’t,” and “sorry, but no,” before she takes over your life.

And make a massive apology to your husband for your own actions the past two months.

> *”She heavily implied I was taking advantage of her in her grief”*

As it often is with abusive people, accusations are confessions. She is clearly using her grief to take complete advantage of you, OP. The last time I checked, manipulating your close friends, treating them worse than doormats, and then gaslighting them while demanding they pay you a bunch of money, is not a step in the grieving process.

You upended your entire life for this woman. You left behind your own home and your husband to care for her–at her insistence. You give, give, give and she takes, takes, takes. And now she wants to take your money, too. Your service to her should stop here. You’ve gone above and beyond what most people would do and there is absolutely no need for you to do anymore–including her shopping or any other favors, big or small.

You would be wise to think long and hard about continuing a friendship with someone who treats you this way. NTA.

In this situation you’re NTA – but you’re being a huge AH to yourself.

But I’m genuinely confused / concerned for you based on your responses to others comments.

You are married – I get you said your husband has lost close people but this has to be straining if not damaging this comnection.

You paid her – and put a sizeable dent in your savings. Did you discuss this with your husband – is that part of your dynamic? This friendship is costing you too much.

You mentioned things like this keep happening to you – which makes it seem like all your value is in what you do for others and not who you are as a person. If you did nothing for others would they still find value you in you? If not – they aren’t your friends. (Of course there’s give and take in all relationships but the saying goes, ‘givers have to have limits because takers never do.’)

NTA. She asked you to move in to help her, you already have your own house, you literally moved there to help her and take care of all the household jobs yet she has the audacity to charge you rent and imply that *you’re* taking advantage of *her*?
Shes the one taking advantage of your kindness, you shouldn’t have transferred her the money.

You’re a better person than me because I would withdraw my help altogether.

Grieving doesn’t give her the right to be an AH.

NTA, that’s crazy talk. There’s no way it’s even some miscommunication, somehow, since she wanted you back after you refused and left! Are they in financial hardship, and this is their convoluted plan? Very strange when you have your own place and life to get back to. The support you were giving (and are still willing to offer) is more than enough, no matter what horrid things she’s been through.

NTA and I wouldn’t do anything else for her for free since she has already proven that she will twist scenarios to try to get money out of you. There is a chance that she was not left off financially well. If that’s the case, offer to help her get into contact with someone who can help her figure out the finances. Either way, she’s the A H for taking advantage of your kindness.

NTA. IMHO, you should bill her for the caregiver services you provided for those months and no way in heck I’d keep enabling her the way you’ve been doing. Refer her for grief counseling and then back off. {Okay, maybe don’t bill her but it might actually be beneficial for her to have to start taking care of herself and get over the idea that you were her new tenant. Jeesh.]

NTA? But you need to stand up for yourself more. You should not have paid her or offered to keep doing things for her. You should have explained why her request was inappropriate and left, leaving the ball in her court to continue your relationship with more appropriate boundaries. This reads like you’re still learning how to not get completely walked over

NTA, and I would not pay her back rent. You can’t create a rental agreement in your head and then expect someone to pay when it was not agreed upfront.

You were there to help her, and you have your own place, so it’s not like you gained anything from staying there.

And make sure she pays for anything you get for her.

NTA , she is using her current situation to get free money and free help from you. She should be paying you, not the other way around..
You don’t need such a friend. She can hire full time housekeeper to do the work you are doing for free. Invest your free time in your family and get a hobby, you will feel much better!

I’d consider paying her the rent she asked, assuming it’s not a major impact on your finances. However I would have made clear that I find this unfair, and if she’d still accept the money, I’d stop helping out in other ways

Edit: to be clear, I’d pay rent only for the past months. Definitely not for the future.

NTA – you didn’t want to pay rent, so you went back to your own house. I think she’s a bit of an asshole asking you to come and stay with her, and then asking you to pay money.

I think you’ve set some healthy boundaries to avoid the situation occurring again.

NTA.

That would be like going to work and having the boss say, well you’re here 8 hours a day so you should help pay all of the bills. Or being charged for house sitting for someone.

I hope for both of your sakes that this was just the grief talking.

> I told her I’d still do her shopping and I’ll come over to help her with a few bits

NTA You don’t even have to do that. You gave so much of time and energy for her and she decided to charge you for it. That’s not a good friend.

Y-T-A not to her, but to yourself.

Losing a spouse is not an excuse for treating you this way. And you paid her rent!! And are still doing things for her??? Stop letting her use you. Find better friends.

Otherwise NTA.