NAH. It’s great that your family is accepting, but our society isn’t. It was probably difficult for your brother to figure this out and come out. A caring way to address what’s happening would be to ask what he wanted to hear. Also straight ppl don’t get to decide what the goal is for LGBTQ+ folks. Some folks might have a goal of, “wanting it not to matter” but the fact is it does matter and it is a stigmatized identity. It really does sound like your parents were trying to be supportive, but maybe it wasn’t enough for him.Your brother can be sad or disappointed and your parents can also be doing their best. These things can exist at once. When I came out to my parents they just said, “we figured” and kinda quietly disapproved. It really hurt a lot, to be told implicitly and explicitly that who I authentically am is wrong and bad. I get that your parents did a lot better, but it sounds like your brother wanted to process more. It’s really hard to explain, especially to people who think they’re being super accepting. It’s still hard. I don’t think your parents are TA for not knowing what your bro wanted /needed to hear. And I don’t think your bro is TA for needing more support. It’s great that your family is accepting but that doesn’t erase a lifetime of stigma.

I feel like I can relate. I came out as bi to my mom. And I expected one of the two things. Either, I hate you, you’re disgusting. Or, I love you, you’re still my son and the hugs and stuff. What happened was, yeah I’m fine with it. I was kinda happy that my mom’s okay with it, but also kinda disappointed there wasn’t a bigger reaction. Maybe the pop culture media has made coming out into a very dramatic event. I can see your brother’s POV but he’s just being petty now. Your parents support him. What else does he want?

NAH.

Edit: I gave the wrong judgement. It was a typo.

Edit 2: Thanks for all the awards and these many upvotes. These are my first awards ever.

NAH

He was probably psyching himself up for either a painful or joyous moment. An *emotional* moment. Full of emotions himself, full of adrenaline even perhaps.

And that huge build up of emotions ended in an anti-climax and that is okay. However all that emotional turmoil was for nothing as it were. For him it was a HUGE deal and then there was…nothing?

His emotions probably got the best of him there, ranting to you about your parents’ reaction. So yeah, you are not the AH, but neither is he or your parents I think. It (unfortunately) takes courage to come out to your family and I think he’d wanted those emotions and that courage validated.

Yeah, YTA. Not a big one though.

Coming out is really scary and for some people takes a LOT of courage. Imagine hyping yourself up for the biggest thing of your life so far, and your family just says “Ok cool.” It’s not a big deal to you because you didn’t have to hide your identity for 19 years.

Not only that, but upon him ranting you didn’t think about how you might be wrong and try to support him more, you respond that he should be grateful that you don’t care.

Try, “Hey, I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t understand how hard that must’ve been for you to say and I’m really happy for you and proud of you right now, I love you”

There are too many people involved for me to be able to give one clear judgement but it would probably be worth asking your brother what he wanted out of the experience. And if it applies and assuming good faith on your brother’s part, suggesting that instead of confronting your parents he go tell them that he’s glad they were ok with his coming out and that it wasn’t a big deal for them, but that telling them was a big scary deal for *him* and he really needs a hug and some extra reassurance that it’s really ok. Sometimes the only way to get what you want is to ask for it. Doesn’t make it less genuine.

NAH. Coming out is scary, and people build it up in their heads a lot. He’s probably been agonising over this and now all that adrenaline has nowhere to go, and anger is the easiest outlet.

Your and your parents’ reaction was also great – coming out shouldn’t be a huge thing, it would be amazing if no one ever had to do it again.

Maybe chat to your brother again, and let him know what he did was super brave, and you know it would have been really intimidating, but that he is loved and accepted and supported.

NAH. They probably knew it years ago. When my sister came out she came home one day and i was napping on the couch. She woke me to tell me so that I wouldn’t hear it from others. I said thanks for telling me in person but i knew you were gay years ago. Rolled over and went back to sleep. My parents reaction was very similar. He probably worked it up in his head for weeks and was caught off guard by how anti-climactic it was to everyone else.

NAH. Coming out is a big deal to your brother and something he probably agonise over for a long time. Your parents’ reaction might have come across as ‘it’s not big deal’. Which could translate to we don’t really care. You saying ‘dude they don’t really care..’ probably not what he wants to hear reinforced. I can see how it could be hurtful to your brother. However, personally your parents haven’t done anything wrong. Good luck to all of you.

I’m going to say YTA a little bit, not because you sided with your parents but because of what you said to your brother. While him coming out may not have been a big deal for you guys, it obviously was for him. You could have been more understanding when he came to you. Instead of dismissing his feelings, you could have just calmly explained your parents reaction and told him you were proud of him for coming out.

Yeah, NAH

I’m surprised at how many straight people in this thread are boldly proclaiming what gay people think and what’s best for them. Coming out is scary, no matter how supportive you think your family is. The way you and your family reacted wasn’t wrong, but it also wasn’t wrong of him to want a reaction that validates how strong his emotions were.

NTA. He got what everyone is hoping for when they come out, which is acceptance and support. Given his reaction however it feels that he was looking for a party or parade. That simply makes him look like an attention seeker. It’s like getting a birthday cake, but getting mad it wasn’t as big as they expected it to be.

NTA

I got pretty much the same reaction out of my parents came out as bi, well not even a congrats. Being gay, bi, or anything else should be normalized. He’s throwing a fit because he wanted some big celebration when honestly he should be grateful he doesn’t have to go through what some kids do.

YTA.

Your comments were unsupportive and unhelpful. A better way to put it would have been:

“I don’t think they realized this was such a big deal for you. I’m sure they’re just trying not to make a big fuss. Let’s go tell them you want more recognition.”

NTA. If we want to normalise one’s preference, whatever that may be, then there’s no need for bells and whistles.
Just a loving acceptance right?
No need to shout from the roof tops what should be considered normal.

NAH.

It takes a lot of courage to share this information with family and be open about yourself. But this may have been a moment your brother built up or idealized for sometime now.

ESH. your brother is an AH for expecting a huge reaction because expectations bring unhappiness..
And YTA because you must be rude to him.. you could have explained in a better way..

NTA – did he want a cake and party? What more did he expect for them to show their acceptance of him? That seems a bit ridiculous.