But the true wound cuts deeper when innocence becomes the battlefield. Her children, too young to understand the cruelty behind the words, begin to echo the man’s biting remarks, shattering the fragile peace and forcing her to confront not just a man’s bitterness, but the painful ripple it sends through the very heart of her family.
My father in law is the king of passive aggressive comments and passing judgement on other people’s lives. He particularly disapproves of the fact that I work, send the kids to daycare, and expect my husband to contribute to the household equally in spite of the fact that he makes more than I do.
If my father in law had it his way, I would be waiting on my husband and kids hand and foot at all times.
His recent tactic of snarky comments has been to say that everything we own or pay for is done with my husband’s money. If I buy my husband a gift, FIL says, “Is it really a gift if you’re spending his money?” If I pay for my FIL’s coffee, he says, “well, really your husband is paying for this.” It’s annoying and frustrating.
I tried being snarky back, didn’t work. I tried talking to him about it and he just pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about.
The final straw was that my kids have started saying it. I mentioned to my husband that I was going to get my hair cut and my son pipes up with, “so you’re going to go waste dad’s money on yourself?” and both kids start laughing.
My husband told them that they were being rude and they defended themselves by saying that grandpa says it all the time! Apparently he’s taken to telling the kids behind my back that I’m wasting my husband’s money on myself every time that I buy anything for myself.
One of my kids straight up called me greedy and selfish.
I’m livid and I want to ban my father in law from seeing my kids until he admits to what he’s been doing, apologizes, and actually stops doing it. My husband is onboard for the most part, but his mother and siblings are telling us that this is just how he is and it’s not that bad and we can just teach our kids otherwise.
Are we assholes if we kick him out of our kids lives until he stops being such a jerk and poisoning my kids against me?
Conclusion
The original poster is deeply hurt and angry because their father-in-law is using manipulative, passive-aggressive comments to undermine the poster’s contributions and value within the family structure, specifically targeting the poster’s use of shared finances.
Given the significant emotional damage caused to the children and the failure of direct communication, is it justified for the OP and their husband to enforce a complete temporary ban on contact until the father-in-law acknowledges his behavior, apologizes, and stops undermining the poster to their children?
Here’s how people reacted:
You can also start saying to your FIL (not the kids), well, actually it’s half mine we’re in a communal property state, hah, hah hah. He’ll probably stop if you say the same old stupid thing every time he says the same old stupid thing. If he gets annoyed you could point out the fact you’ll stop if he does. I think you state you tried being snarky but maybe you need to keep going and do it as long as he does.
EDIT:Added more content.
doesn’t know why you don’t want him near the kids? They need a reality check.
Edit: spelling
Also:
>He particularly disapproves of the fact that I work, send the kids to daycare, and expect my husband to contribute to the household equally in spite of the fact that he makes more than I do.
I genuinely do not understand how you’re spending your husband’s money if you work. That doesn’t…make any sense. If you were a SAHM you’d still not be the asshole, but I am genuinely perplexed by your FIL’s thought process here
‘It’s just the way he is.’
‘Well, this is the way _we_ are.’ (‘We’ because you and your DH are a united front, which is fantastic.)
The reason for documentation (both your FIL and your kids) is in case FIL goes for grandparents rights.
NTA. I can’t imagine how my mom would have reacted if that *ever* came out of my mouth; I think I’d still be paying for it. Get those kids away from this jackass and set their attitudes straight.
>Apparently he’s taken to telling the kids behind my back that I’m wasting my husband’s money on myself every time that I buy anything for myself. One of my kids straight up called me greedy and selfish.
Fuck that asshole.
It’s your kids. Fuck him. The fact that your children are picking up on it and disrespecting you should be an indicator that he’s gone way too far.
But kudos to your husband for standing by you
>but his mother and siblings are telling us that this is just how he is
They’re complicit, and in my eyes just as guilty. YWBTA if you don’t cut them out too.