Last week, the husband suddenly left without warning, claiming he traveled to Florida because his long-sick mother was allegedly not doing well and he needed to be with her. After six hours of panic, he contacted her, revealing he spent $4,300 from their shared baby fund on flights, lodging, a rental car, and meals. When the pregnant wife expressed fear and anger over the secret departure and the depleted savings, he called her “heartless,” stating he would have supported her if her mother were in a similar situation. This led the wife to retort that she hoped his mother died so he would understand the pain of being lied to by someone he trusted.
So. I (31F) am currently 8 months pregnant with our first child. My husband (34M) and I have been saving like crazy. We had about $12k put aside for baby expenses, maternity leave cushion, crib, diapers, hospital bills, etc.
Last week, I woke up and he was just gone. I called, texted, nothing. After 6 hours of pure panic, he finally calls and says he’s in Florida because his mom (who’s been sick for years) was “not doing well” and he wanted to be with her in case this was it.
Okay. I understand that. I do. But:
He didn’t tell me.
He left me 8 months pregnant, no car, no groceries, no support.
He spent $4,300 on flights, hotel, rental car, and “emergency family dinners.”
From the baby fund.
When I told him I was furious and scared, he told me I was being “heartless” and that “if it were your mom, I wouldn’t even question it.”
So I said, “If it were my mom, I’d have the decency to tell my pregnant spouse I was leaving the damn state first. Honestly, at this point, I hope she does die, so you understand what it feels like to lose someone you actually tell the truth to.”
Now? Everyone thinks I’m the devil. His sisters are calling me cruel, and even my mom said that was “a horrible thing to say, no matter the context.”
But I’m tired of being the “understanding” wife. He abandoned me, lied about the money, and pulled the martyr card.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) finds herself in a position where her extreme fear and anger over her husband’s unilateral actions—abandoning her while heavily pregnant, depleting critical shared savings, and refusing accountability—have led her to express a wish she now regrets due to social backlash. She feels justified in her frustration over being expected to be the perpetually “understanding” spouse while her needs were completely ignored.
The central dilemma questions whether the OP’s reaction, specifically wishing death upon her mother-in-law, crosses a moral line, even when provoked by her husband’s severe breach of trust and abandonment. Should the focus remain on the husband’s financial deception and lack of support, or does the severity of her statement make the OP equally at fault in this relationship crisis?
Here’s how people reacted:
But the comment about hoping his mom dies… yeah, that’s probably a step too far. I totally understand your frustration and emotional reaction, but wishing harm on someone, even in a moment of pain, tends to be seen as crossing a line. It’s not so much about whether you’re right to be angry—because you are, but that comment will definitely leave a lasting impact on him, and it can make things harder to repair down the road.
So, I’d say you’re not an asshole for being upset, but that comment? Kinda harsh, and probably not the best thing to say, even if it felt like you were just expressing how hurt you were. You’ve been through a lot, and I hope things can calm down so you both can really talk things through.
Having said this, your husband is an absolute piece of shit. Like you said, the very least thing he could have done is spoken to you about it or at least, given you a heads up. And as other commenters have pointed out, please start digging into the $4300 expenses. That’s too much.
Larger question – knowing him, is this behavior from him completely out of the left field? Or is this in the realm of possibility for him? Because you need to ask yourself – you’re going to raise a kid with him, could he pull this shit again?
Also I get where you’re coming from. It is a bit a-holey to say that but he is a jerk for doing all that. Not even saying anything before leaving?
I’m not sure your husbands ready for commitment to a child. Put yourself and baby first.
Also, how long have you known him? Is he usually so spontaneous and irresponsible?
Hes absolutely lying.
And he’s a shithead
If you can leave do so
Youre both wrong
Sounds like chatgpt.
End it.
Ummm…