I think this is a generational problem. Where previous generations were all about stability, building your wealth and financial independence, working as hard as you can, younger generations look at this differently. They value a work-life balance, actively being there as a parent (especially true for men) and enjoying free time.

There is something you be said for both….I think your FIL wants you to be able to provide for your family, without government assistance, and to have a buffer in case work runs out. As a contract worker, he might have experience with this and depending on government assistance can be risky. You are coming from a position where you feel you are able to provide and that should be enough, and you enjoy the free time you have, which prob also makes you less stressed.

I think there should be way for the two of you to talk about this without fighting. I’m sure you both just want the best for your families. He has no right to tell you what to do, and his communication skills are prob lacking, so set you boundaries, but there are better ways to handle this than arguing.

NTA

 on the one hand, needing SNAP/WIC isn’t “making ends meet”. It’s very specifically a failure to make ends meet, so the govt has stepped in to help with that. I’ve been on SNAP, I am on Medicaid, and I believe WIC is one of the best programs in the country. So no judgement on needing them, but by definition needing them isn’t making ends meet.

And many parents would be concerned by their kid’s family needing welfare. I can’t imagine my Mil being stoked if I said I love driving Uber bc it’s all the money I need, while living pay check to pay check and using food stamps.

However, your father in law really did lose his right to lecture on these topics. And he doesn’t sound like a good guy. I think what you said is fine

NTA, beware the Americans in this thread lol. You paid tax dollar to earn benefits like this. You’re not planning to get them permanently and stop working, you’re planning to use them to raise a child. Given you can raise your house again when you see fit (ESH otherwise because that may financially endanger your family).

You don’t own these basement sitters here anything, and functioning countries have such policies in place because the **really desperately need ** those kids. So NTA enjoy your family, instead of grinding and not being there. Plenty of time for that later.

YTA. I am a big proponent of social services, but if you have the ability to live without them, then you should. It fuels the sentiment that most people who use these benefits don’t really need them, and I’m worried that it will eventually make life harder for people who depend on these programs for survival. If you’re being honest about making ends meet just fine, then there’s no reason for you to be on government assistance. It’s for people who need it.

Your FIL is an asshole for other reasons but in their scenario I am inclined to agree with him.

Yes you are an asshole because the first thing you did was come to reddit to find out the “victor” of some pointless argument between the differing opinions of you and your father in law, he has every right to have opinions about people receiving snap/wic government benefits and you got the opportunity to tell him frankly some off the wall shit to his face and he just took it.

Didn’t you say you were a better father than he ever was? Does a better father waste his time on reddit over squabbles he’s already won? Asshole.

ESH. He didn’t approach it well, and he should have gotten a paternity test 20 years ago.

But yeah, being content to barely make ends meet because you can rely on snap and WIC is not a long term strategy.

Becoming a real estate agent or salesman who works their ass off for a few years to establish a reputation and coast while making enough to support your family may allow some flexibility.

Your FIL was unacceptably rude and you quite understandably snapped. He’s definitely the AH.

You’re NTA.

That being said, it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page as your wife regarding throwing her family history in her dad’s face. Your points are valid, but just ensure that you’re not inadvertently causing her hurt because I’m sure that’s not what you would want.

NTA for standing up for yourself, but massive YTA for admitting living off Snap/Wic just because you can! Nah, I am not for people leeching off the gov (tax money.) I sold my first apt to a family who all 4 members were on Snap/wic, they bought cash right out, more than $120k! Nah ah, you have capacity and capability to work properly yet refuse to do so, nah ah, no no

ESH

He’s a hypocrite if he didn’t even raise his daughter to want to have a say in how you live your life.

You, because being a gig driver isn’t a career, it’s not a way to set your new family up for success and you should want more than that + government assistance. If it takes the government to make sure your child can eat, that’s not something to be proud of.

YTA. He may have been a shit father but (in your own words) he’s trying to make up for it. If my daughters husband was doing what your doing I would be disappointed too. You would rather be a Uber driver and live off government assistance instead of going out and hustling to give your son and wife a better life. What part of that is not disappointing?

Sounds like you both failed your families at some point in your lives. You are unable to provide for your family and are barely getting by. You should be coming up with a new career plan and way to achieve financial security now that you have a baby who will get expensive.

YTA you are not making “ends meet” if you are relying on government assistance. Sounds like he has a valid point. You bringing up what a bad father he is seems like deflecting because you know you are being lazy.

He’s an immature asshole and you are taking advantage of the system at the expense of people who have no choice about where they work. But I’d much rather be stuck in an elevator with you than your father-in-law.

YTA. You are being lazy if you, an able-bodied adult, decide to stagnate and rely on benefits that could be going to people who actually NEED them. At the same time you are short-changing your wife and child.

YTA for not trying to get a job to support your family. If you need welfare that’s fine but you actively deciding to just rely on welfare instead of a better paying job mss add Jed the FIL right

ESH

Him for his hypocrisy, and you because you can’t see that he is right even though he is a hypocrite.

You should be trying as hard as you can to do better for your son.

NTA. He provoked you by criticizing your choices through your child. Out of order. I don’t know exactly how nasty you got, but pointing out hypocrisy when attacked is fair.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be taking advice from a guy who walked out on a 3 month old. My advice is to practice the art of zen and not rise to any of his bullshit.

If you are capable of working why do you need a government handout . You seem to be doing the bare minimum – who wants that for their daughter

ESH. Walk away. And also maybe recognise that he’s scared that he’ll have to provide for you all forever. What does your retirement look like?

He’s wrong because of the hypocrisy. You’re wrong because government assistance programs are meant to be a temporary fix…not long term.  ESH.

ESH. Sounds like he was a shit father but you also should want more than to “make ends meet” for your son.

YTA- seems YOUR father failed you as well. Now it’s your choice if you want to fail your son and wife.