The house, meant to be a place of peace and independence, became a symbol of conflict when her sister accused her of wastefulness and selfishness. Even their mother, once a figure of support, pressured her to surrender her hard-earned space, challenging the very right she had to claim her happiness and live on her own terms.
I’m a 32 year old woman and I just bought my first house. It has 3 bedrooms, a yard and is just what I need right now. I’m single and have 2 dogs. My sister is 34, has 3 children and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment.
Lately, she’s been talking about how such a tiny living space is not enough for the four of them.
When she got to know about the house I had bought, she became very upset and told me I was being “wasteful” as I’m single and don’t have kids and therefor don’t need such a big space.
I reminded her that what I do with my hard earned money is none of her business. She went on to complain to our mother about how “selfish” I was being. Yesterday evening, I got a call from my mom telling me I should let my sister and her kids move into the house.
MY house.
I told her that no one was going to live in the house that I paid for but me, and that extra space would be great for my dogs to play in. My mom also got very upset with me and told me I was being unreasonable.
That my sister’s kids are growing and need the space more than my dogs. I offered to help my sister out financially so she could rent a bigger place. My mom got my sister on the phone who shot down the idea, telling me I *needed* to let her and her kids live in my house.
When I refused again, she very generously suggested a “compromise”. I could live in the house with her and her kids and would not have to find somewhere else to live. She said this as if she was doing me a favor.
I told her she had lost her mind and hung up.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant pressure from her sister and mother regarding the use of her newly purchased, privately funded home. The central conflict lies between the OP’s justifiable desire for autonomy over her property and the family’s expectation that she should sacrifice her new living situation to accommodate her sister’s larger family needs.
The core question is whether an individual has an absolute right to the exclusive use of property they solely own and finance, or if familial obligation necessitates sharing substantial assets, even when it means the owner must forfeit their own primary residence. Is this entitlement, or a justified family plea?
Here’s how people reacted:
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>~~^(When she got to know about the house I had bought, she became very upset and told me I was being “wasteful” as I’m single and don’t have kids and therefor don’t need such a big space. I reminded her that what I do with my hard earned money is none of her business. She went on to complain to our mother about how “selfish” I was being. Yesterday evening, I got a call from my mom telling me I should let my sister and her kids move into the house. MY house.)~~
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>~~^(I told her that no one was going to live in the house that I paid for but me, and that extra space would be great for my dogs to play in. My mom also got very upset with me and told me I was being unreasonable. That my sister’s kids are growing and need the space more than my dogs. I offered to help my sister out financially so she could rent a bigger place. My mom got my sister on the phone who shot down the idea, telling me I)~~ *~~^(needed)~~* ~~^(to let her and her kids live in my house. When I refused again, she very generously suggested a “compromise”. I could live in the house with her and her kids and would not have to find somewhere else to live. She said this as if she was doing me a favor.)~~
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>~~^(I told her she had lost her mind and hung up.)~~
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>~~^(Am I the asshole, or is she? I know my sister is struggling financially but this kind of entitlement)~~ is ridiculous.
Heartiest **NTA** possible.
Edit – thanks for the awards; I’m not certain they’re entirely justified but they are most certainly deeply appreciated.
One thing (and I know this thread is now locked, so if anyone has insights, PM me, maybe?**) I am not receiving notifications when people gild me.** I didn’t even know it was happening until I saw a little red and white shield next to my name, and a coin balance when I bought no coins. If anyone knows what settings need to be tweaked so that I can actually know who gilds me, I’d be glad of the knowledge. I’ve done some poking around various FAQs to see if I can get to the bottom of it myself, and thus far I have not. I sent a message to Reddit as well, awaiting advisement. Thanks in advance if anyone can help, and THANKS very much to those of you who chose to send me an award.
The longer you’re helping her the more irresponsible and resentful she’ll become of you and your success. In turn she’ll just want more.
As far as your mother goes I think now’s a good time for mom to get a few facts straight about what responsibility you have towards your sister and for that matter, her. You help people because you want to not because of some entitlement they think they’re owed by blood.
It sucks to say but they’re always going to have their hands out to you both financially and emotionally if you don’t draw a line and make it clear what happens when its crossed.
You’re not the family fixer just because you have your life together. Don’t ever feel bad for doing good for you.
She’s jealous. Point blank.
I dont know why people who haven’t earned it, or fucked up their life somehow expect others to compensate them. If your mother thinks they deserve to live in a house SHE should buy them one. Which from my experience with these type of people (takers) its not too far fetched that your mother would(enabler)
Wow just so shocked, that others have experienced these type of people and that people think like this!!
Second question, if you were ahem ….”allowed” to live in your own home with your sister taking over your entire home, would you and your dogs need to share a room?
Please don’t give this entitled person any money. Just save it for the children p, a college fund or their down payment on a home when they grow up.
Not for not letting your sister take over the house you paid for but for even offering to give her financial help on top of her self entitlement. Obviously your parents started that behavior ( from your mom asking to let them move in) but YTA for allowing that behavior to continue with your offer. Not doing her any favors by even offering to help at this point.
NTA. I can’t believe your mom agreed with her on this.
Do families like this really exist – where people feel entitled to what isn’t theirs, and enlist mom to back them up? I’d walk away from my family if they ever pulled that shit.
She made her choices, You offered her financial help and she didn’t want it, so from my point of view you are under no obligation to do anything else.