As exhaustion consumed her, the promise of teamwork faded into a lonely battle where she carried the entire weight of motherhood and household duties alone. Every small act of help from him felt like a hollow gesture, amplifying her pain and the silent erosion of her dreams.
I’m currently a SAHM. I never wanted to be one, but when I had my kid, it broke my heart when I could barely spend time with her due to my work. I wanted at least one parent to be with her while she grows up, he wanted the same too.
So I decided to quit my job. I had some savings, I could manage for a while. He told me he’d support us well. I was earning thrice as much as him, and our lifestyle would take a temporary hit, but we wouldn’t be in trouble.
When we both were working, we mostly split the chores 50/50, but now it became 100 me, and 0 him. I was taking care of the baby, the house, groceries, taxes, walking the dog, cleaning and watering, maintenance, etc.
I was beyond exhausted. I asked him for help occasionally and he made a big show of doing it, said I’m not going to work anyway, so I should be doing all of this by myself with no help from him.
I agree that I should be doing a lot, but not everything? He would act like he was a benevolent god if he washed one dish, and it was getting on my nerves. He wanted me to cook what he wanted whenever he wanted, learn to cook new things for him when he felt like it, to do his laundry and clean up after him constantly, which pissed me off.
I also realized I was still paying for most of the household expenses from my savings, and he was barely contributing anything.
So I told him that he’s treating me like trash, like a live in maid, and I can’t take being ignored and expected to serve him constantly. He told me this is what a SAHM should do. So I told him that unless he gives me 50% of his salary for household expenses and baby expenses and contributes at home at least 25%, I will go back to work.
He threw a huge fit about it, and I called up my old job, who had been dying to have me back, and set up an interview (a formality honestly, they will take me back with no questions asked).
He’s sulking, saying I should be home with the baby. I’d rather continue to earn and come home to the baby than act as his butler.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) made a significant financial and career sacrifice to prioritize childcare, expecting a partnership in return. However, this arrangement devolved into the OP carrying the entire burden of domestic labor while simultaneously funding the household, leading to feelings of being treated as a servant rather than an equal partner.
Given the complete imbalance in contribution—financial, domestic, and emotional—is the OP justified in demanding a 50% financial contribution and 25% physical contribution from the husband, or is the husband correct that this level of service is an inherent expectation of a stay-at-home parent?
Here’s how people reacted:
He absolutely is TA for treating you this way, and I think you two need to either have a long hard talk, get him some kind of help to get to the bottom of why he thinks it’s okay to treat the mother of his child this way, or maybe even seperate.
I apologise if at any point I came across harsh, this is a trigger for me. It makes me furious when things like this happen, men help make the babies, they can damn well step up and stop acting like damn babies themselves and start acting like the fathers they want to call themselves.
Him not wanting to atleast give her a break or even funds for the work she does makes him an ungrateful ahole. He threw a tantrum and now is sulking saying that she should be with the baby. Honestly I think this is a control thing. He wants his wife at home constantly and to be serving him whenever he wants to keep tabs on her.
OP you may want to think and reassess your relationship if you two think about having more kids if he is this childish.
This irritates and upsets me to read because this is exactly what my father did to my mother.
You are not a maid. You are a mum , a super mum it sounds it. He can’t expect you to do everything at his command on the daily , being the sole income earner does not give someone the right to treat their partner like shit.
I hope you’re okay and can figure out something where you can go back to work and look after yourself more.
He has shown you his true colours on where he feels he belongs in the relationship.
At no point does a SAHM mean slave. It means primary care giver for your child.
ESH. They have finance problems to work out.
> I was still paying for most of the household expenses from my savings, and he was barely contributing anything.
seems like your marriage has zero financial planning. he’s obviously an ass but this is also on you for letting it get this far.
this is a conversation that needed to happen before the kid(well, before the wedding, preferably)
Go back to work and hire a maid to come once a week to cook and clean. This woe is me attitude is ridiculous.
He should be funding your lifestyle and covering all bills, especially if he is expecting you to do 100% of all chores. That way you could use your savings to fund a gardener or handyman and outsource some chores that are too much for you.
**100% of his income belongs to the family**, to be first spent keeping the family housed, fed and clothed, and then on whatever else you both agree to – fun money for each of you, savings, whatever.
You’re not just his free live-in maid. You actually pay for it. It makes absolutely zero sense.
He’s the sole financial contributer to the household but expects you to pay the household costs from savings? Unreal.
he’s more concerned about having a live-in mommy for him rather than his baby.
what a grown ass brat