Kinda YTA. I’m not saying your decision to not punish her was wrong per se (especiallyif there’s not an established “no cursing” rule), but you are definitely wrong for telling your husband that the decision is your’s alone and he gets no input. That’s not how partnerships work. If “no cursing” is an established rule, then he’s not wrong for saying the rule should be enforced. Her use wasn’t a slip like if she stubbed her toe, it was an intended use of the curse and you saying its ok in this situation is giving a mixed message to your daughter and dividing the authority of the household. Especially by telling your husband he gets no voice.

Edit to add- You all are focusing on the comparison I made, which isn’t the point. There is no direct comparison. The point is that you don’t get to shut down your partner and tell them that they get no input. Discuss why you think they’re wrong. Be an adult. Look at the gender neutral response I got about a kidney stone where one parent knows the pain and the other doesn’t. That doesn’t mean the parent who doesn’t know the pain can’t contribute to a conversation about how there’s better ways to react to the pain rather than cursing. I’m not saying dad is right for wanting to punish the daughter, but he definitely should be allowed to contribute in a discussion about how cursing doesn’t help the situation and is a bad habit to get into. OP saying he doesn’t get to contribute at all is wrong

NTA. Given the context i think it was hilarious. Also we need to remember the trauma that she had just been through. My little sister was 9 when she had her first period and none of us had the talk with her because her three older sisters (including me) had started at 14, 16 and 16. My sister tells me now we are older that she actually thought she was dying, she was terrified.

I genuinely think your daughter was great for handling something that was very scary in this way. She was dealing with a big shock and handled it with humour rather than a meltdown.

I get that we don’t want 9 year olds swearing but as long as it doesn’t become something she does a lot I wouldn’t bring it up with her. If you were going to pull her up on it you should’ve done it at the time and said something humorous like ‘yeh it really fricking sucks but we cannot yell curse words about it the whole time I’m afraid, so in future keep it clean!’

Allowing your kid to curse in this situation NTA.

Treating your husband the way you did YTA.

Unless you left out the part where you explained to him why, you basically told him fuck you. As your post reads he says “hey she’s to young to cuss we shouldn’t let that slide” and you reply with “you don’t understand, she gets a pass this time.” That’s a really shitty way to respond to your partner. Maybe if you had approached his response as valid and explained things like an adult the conversation wouldn’t have had to get to a point where you “snapped”. And he has every right to be irritated at your handling of the situation, and he’s absolutely right that he’s her parent too. He might not have the experience you do but he’s still involved and responsible for her the same as you, and you treating him like he doesn’t have a say is probably why the discussion ended so badly.

NTA. My philosoply on cursing and “bad language” is that “the only truly bad words are the words you use to hurt someone else.” Using slurs, or cursing *at* someone (Such as “fuck you, mom!” for example) would be something that I could see requiring a consequence. Cursing as emphasis (such as in “fuck this shit”) hurts no one.

I might have a talk with your daughter about language and how you don’t want her to make cursing a habit (and explain to her that, in places like school, she *could* get in trouble for using that language), but I think punishing her would only make her resentful and more upset. Right now the most important thing is probably to support her through this life change.

NAH. I don’t feel like your husband is an asshole for thinking a 9yr shouldn’t be saying “fuck this shit” but he definitely doesn’t understand the circumstances.

That being said there’s nothing wrong with you and your husband giving your daughter a gentle reminder that, while you’re letting her off the hook for that one time, she shouldn’t be swearing in general. Especially if that gets you both on the same page. Just if you feel like you need to.

I was lucky to know about periods before I started mine at 11 so my reaction was a little more chill, but her response was super hilarious!

NTA, I specifically got an IUD and longer have periods because “Fuck That Shit!” Your daughter is a hero.

Now for all the men in here trying to compare menstruation to masturbation or getting hit in the nuts on accident, you sirs are AH. The menstrual cycle has no male equivalent and you have nothing to compare our experience to. Until you bleed from your penis or asshole every month and experience mood swings, cramps, bloating, period shits and the all confusing, “I have my period this fucking sucks and now I’m horny too!” Best you boys stay in your lane.

Sit down with your husband, tell him WHY you’re giving her a pass- she’s just learned that she has to deal with a semi to extremely painful, messy ordeal for the next 40 years, dealing with cramps and mood swings and leaks, oh my. Also, compromise. Talk to your daughter about the fact that while understandable, that language won’t be tolerated under normal circumstances. It’s likely that he will understand your POV, and appreciate the compromise, even if he still doesn’t agree with you. NTA for not wanting to punish her.

Absolutely not the asshole. This poor girl didn’t know her vagina was going to explode every month for the next forty years? *fuck that shit*. I wouldn’t even be mad either. I would probably say, “hey remember we can’t actually say that” but also I would tell her it was funny and I’m not mad. Your husband doesn’t have an exploding vagina or uterus, so he does actually get a little bit less say in my opinion. It’s not a huge deal.

ESH. Idk about punishment but you should definitely talk to her and tell her its wrong to do that. I grew up with kids who swore around their parents and they didnt care. All of them eventually turned into swearing AT their parents. Which was always uncomfortable for me to be around and was very disrespectful in my eyes.

Unpopular opinion
YTA
When you raise a child together, it’s a team job and you can’t pull a ‘because it’s a woman thing’ card. It’s about language and not the circumstances, otherwise there’s always another thing and another thing and another thing why she can curse.

NTA

While I wouldn’t normally condone swearing in kids this young and am perfectly ok with parents banning swearing altogether, she had a bloody good reason this time. Pun not intended.

Seriously, her response is all of us.

NAH, I can see how your husband would think she should be punished, but he’s also never had a period. Seems like he respected your decision to not punish her, even if he grumbled.

NTA

I understand wanting to teach your daughter not to swear, but I think she should get a pass considering the circumstances.

NTA – hell, I’m 47 and I still say this

>”Fuck this shit”

when I get my period.

Team your daughter… all the way.

YTA. While your husband may not understand fully you don’t get to make unilateral parenting decisions.