My MIL tried to turn my kids against us so I banned her from our Christmas dinner

In the midst of what should have been a joyful holiday, a mother-in-law’s spiteful actions cast a shadow over the family’s Christmas. Her cruel attempt to pit a young girl against her own family, suggesting she was less loved because of fewer gifts, shattered the innocence of the season and left a child in tears.

Her manipulative nature extends beyond mere words, using ostentatious displays of wealth to belittle others and sow discord. Even a simple plan for a family potluck becomes a battlefield of false accusations and control, revealing a relentless desire to dominate and divide rather than unite.

My MIL tried to turn my kids against us so I banned her from our Christmas dinner

My mother-in-law is a horrible person who loves to create drama whenever she can. Last Christmas, we got both of our kids different gifts as one was a 13-year-old girl and one is a 10-year-old boy.

My MIL decided to tell my daughter that she didn’t get as many gifts as my brother and that we spent less on her, basically trying to get our daughter to believe that we loved her less.

We then had to deal with a crying 13-year-old on Christmas.

She has also brought super expensive gifts for people specifically to upstage everyone; she will even make a point of mentioning how much it is in front of people. She called up to ask what we will be doing for Christmas as it’s our turn.

I mentioned that my wife and I want to have a potluck at our place. She then proceeded to explain to me how we shouldn’t let some family members cook certain food because of some instances where they messed up and ruined the dish (this is all completely false information that she is mentioning to try and start some more family drama).

I then decided to put my foot down and told my wife that I do not want her at our house starting drama on Christmas and that her phone call was the last straw. My wife is completely against it and thinks I’m being incredibly cruel to her mum and doesn’t want to exclude her.

I have tried to talk to her and she doesn’t care.

Here’s how people reacted:

Bageezax

NTA.

I have a mother-in-law that tried to pull this s***. She and her then-husband or having bunch of personal problems (older couple that had lots of long unresolved issues).

Anyway, on Christmas Eve she decided to get drunk and started making everything about her, how sad she was, telling your whole life story, how she didn’t even feel like she was a part of the family anymore, etc. Basically bringing their drama into what was otherwise a happy Christmas at my house.

I talked to her for about 5 hours straight, trying to help her through some of her issues but also let her know that I needed her to understand I would not allow my children’s Christmas to be ruined by their personal problems. If she felt lives though she couldn’t stay in the house with her husband, and was really truly that unhappy, then I would personally drive her to the airport on Christmas Eve and pay for her ticket home. But that is she decided to stay she had to start playing nice for the kids, and that if she failed to do so it would be the last family function she attended.

She turned it around. Thankfully, they eventually got a divorce and now both seem to be somewhat happier.

keyome1990

>AITA for putting my foot down and not allowing my mother in law to come to Christmas

I think once your in a marriage every decision has to be a joint one, even if that means on of you has to compromise. I think “putting your foot down” and ignoring how your wife feels about the situation is an AH move. You’re not the AH for not wanting your MIL there, but you and your wife need to have better communication about this.

ESH

hotchocolatelover

NTA. I wanna say ESH cause you made this decision without talking to your wife about it but I think after the stunt she pulled last time with your daughter, you’re NTA because what does your MIL think she’s gonna gain by telling your daughter that her parents prefer her siblings along with ruining her relationship with her sibling? Your wife needs to realise that her mother is causing more harm than good.

LebenTheNinja

NTA if my mom or my husband’s mom made my son feel like I love him any less I’d probably lose my shit right then and there, I applaud OP for taking action. Psychological and emotional torment are absolutely deplorable and MIL is exhibiting both behaviors on the 13yo. Not to mention we don’t know what else she’s done.

Besides starting drama at family dinners/holidays is just a generally shitty thing to do

senseibuns

We are missing WAY too much context to make a verdict. One bad Christmas and she’s left out for good? I’m thinking there have been more incidences.

What does your wife thing about this? Have you AND your wife ever tried to talk to your MIL about what happened?

I just think its important we get your wife’s opinion here too because she might have a different perspective.

Canadian_momma2016

INFO: have you or your wife talked to MIL about her behavior and given her a warning in the past?

If no warning has been issued before, I would give her one. Let her come to Christmas and be clear what is expected. Give her specific examples about the type if behavior that will not be tolerated. If she messes up again, you can choose to exclude her from there.

maisie88

NTA Your wife shouldn’t be choosing her mother over her own family. How is she ok with her mother’s rudeness and cruelty to her own children? She should be telling her mother that her behaviour is not acceptable if she wants to be welcome.

Is couples counselling an option?

WebbieVanderquack

YTA if you “put your foot down.” She’s your wife’s mother, and you need to work this out with your wife compassionately. You can’t simply shut your MIL out of family occasions and demand that your wife accept it.

2tired2function2day

Have you tried talking to your MIL and expressing clearly what needs to change if she wants to come?

She sounds horrid but it doesn’t seem like you’ve given her a chance to change her ways

xerxerxex

I wanna say ESH but it seems your wife does not want to acknowledge the elephant in the room and will continue to let her mother be cruel and cause strife on Christmas… I’m going with NTA.

RTCH77

NTA, reasons covered above. Pls save the mystery account and tell us how Christmas 2019 went, in AITA format. Wishing your family all the best for next decade.

mahbobert

NTA – of course the person raised to believe that behavior is normal would try to excuse it. It’s better for your kids and you if she doesn’t come.

Anxiously_Anteater

NTA. Your wife is clearly in the FOG, and you need to protect your children from this horrible human. Head over to r/justnoMIL, it’ll help.

mach_oddity

NTA. The worst kind of social toxin is family. Eradicate the cancer before or spreads. Good decision

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing intense conflict due to their mother-in-law’s consistent, deliberate attempts to sow discord and undermine the OP’s family unit, culminating in the OP deciding to ban the mother-in-law from their Christmas gathering.

The core issue is whether protecting the immediate family’s peace justifies excluding a relative whose behavior is consistently toxic, or does the familial bond mandate tolerance, even when faced with intentional emotional sabotage?