Caught between love and responsibility, he grapples with the tension that threatens his new relationship and the stability his family so desperately needs. The delicate balance of saving for a home, nurturing his son’s fragile spirit, and blending lives with his fiancé becomes a battleground for hearts yearning for peace, connection, and a chance to rebuild what was broken.
This has been causing a huge argument with my fiancé and I been trying to get a solution but it’s a dead end.
I [43M] lost my wife to a horrific auto accident, I have an 11 year old son who was with his mom when the accident happened and resulted in him losing a limp. It was absolutely devastating.
My son never accepted that this is how his life will be. Despite therapy, he still had too many emotions that he couldn’t let go of, and phantom pain made it worse. It has been over two years.
He has been using the wheelchair but he still can’t enjoy doing activities the way he wants. Plus, this has affected his social life; he receives education at home and rarely engages in conversations with other kids.
I’m currently saving to buy a house with my fiancé. She is not staying with us and wants to move in together after I buy a house. I have been saving for 3 months while trying to keep everything balanced.
My fiancé and my son have a good relationship. He loves when she visits and spends time with her. I felt happy that my son was able to open up and be happy around her.
Last week, my son was watching some videos of kids playing/running/doing activities, and they all had a prosthesis. He was impressed that they were able to do cool stuff and enjoy their time like that.
He knows how difficult it was for them in the beginning and was impressed by how far they got.
He started becoming interested and told me he wanted to have a prosthetic leg and learn new skills, saying he felt paralyzed in his wheelchair. I started looking into it, met with the medical team, talked to people who had been through this, and decided to get a prosthetic leg that costs $16,000.
I spoke with my fiancé about taking some of my savings to pay for the prosthetic leg. Her initial thought was that I should wait until after the wedding and after we get a home, then she might even help with saving.
But I just started saving and have about $20,000, so that’d be waiting for more than a year. She insisted and thought of it as the logical thing to do, saying my son waited for two years and wouldn’t be hurt by waiting “a little more.” Then she got mad after I told her she didn’t help with money and brought up that she pays for other stuff.
She refused to discuss it and lashed out at me, saying I shouldn’t disregard her feelings like that. She’s still upset and is trying to convince my son to wait, and he was clearly hurt and started losing interest.
AITA as she says?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between a profound parental desire to support his son’s emotional and physical recovery—specifically by funding a prosthetic limb—and the financial commitments he made to his fiancée regarding saving for a shared future home. The central conflict arises because the fiancée prioritizes the shared financial goal and her perceived emotional investment in the savings plan over the immediate, life-altering need expressed by the son, leading to anger and strained communication.
Is the OP justified in prioritizing his son’s immediate emotional and physical well-being by redirecting savings for the necessary prosthetic, or should he adhere strictly to the established joint financial timeline with his fiancée, even if it causes further emotional distress to his son? The debate centers on whether immediate need outweighs long-term planning in a committed partnership.
Here’s how people reacted:
I suggest you sketch it out on paper. When would your son be able to get the prosthetic following her plan? Figure on how long to find a house, whether you’ll be able to buy it or if someone else will get it first, in which case you have to keep looking. How much time is that? Then once the offer is in, how long for escrow to close and you to move in? And after that, how much will you have to spend on the house to get it up to what you need to live? I’m assuming there will have to be wheelchair accessibility things built in. After that, how long will it take you to have enough money for the prosthetic?
Then do the reverse. If you get the prosthetic now, how long before you build up enough to buy a house? Are your living circumstances such that any of you are in dire need of a new space?
Then get some details on just how important physically and psychologically this is to your son. Lay it all out. Tell her that in fact, it’s only just a little while for the house and the two adults can handle the waiting for better than your son and his need is more pressing.
Give updates when you can.
OP, your son has gone through severe trauma and is FINALLY showing some light about LIVING his life not just being “alive”.
Please don’t extinguish that light. You have the means, invest in giving your son a happy, balanced future.
If your fiancée cannot see that she isn’t in the same book as you let alone the same page. It’s not about your son “waiting” longer- he has been stuck in the darkness of his trauma for so long and is willing to move forward and out of that space: support him.
You aren’t an asshole for putting your child first in this context you’re being a GOOD parent. This is a hill worth dying on OP.
(On that note, if you and your son haven’t seen it, I’d recommend you guys check out Full Metal Alchemist and Violet Evergarden. Both are anime series involving a protagonist who has lost limbs (Edward Elric has lost an arm and a leg, and Violet Evergarden lost both her arms), and they both deal with their prosthetics in interesting ways!)
Your fiancé sounds like a selfish person to choose having a big house and wedding over helping your son live a full and happy life. Its not her money yet, but if you are going to marry this woman you need to make sure she isn’t just going to forget that she will be a stepmom. You will be a family and keeping everyone happy not just herself
You son waited 2 years and he is now ready for one. Its pretty cruel when the money is there to prolong he confinement for 1-2 more years because she put a home over his well being.
Do you want to marry a woman that puts material.l stuff above your child?
Edit: She has no say nor any right to tell you what you can spend on your son. If she feels like that now later your son will be even mote marginalised and if you have any common kids your son will be badly treated.
I’d only understand if she contributed to these savings. Then it would a justifiable everybody sucks
Your son has waited 2 yrs!! Don’t make him wait another day!!
A new house is not a priority. Your son is. Please choose your son over her.
Why can’t she move into the current house?