ESH.

Your brother is the AH for selling something of sentimental value he borrowed from you. It sounds like he understood he wasn’t supposed to sell it, and then the excuse of wanting to take her on a vacation because she’s grieving… well you clearly are too and it wasn’t his to sell in the first place.

You are the AH for going straight to threatening to sue them… and then it sounds like you mentioned it to your ex husband, which put the idea in his head… now he says he is going to sue with or without you.

The issue I have is… suing your brother and getting money from them isn’t going to get your sons nursery back, but you still will always have those memories of the time spent with him regardless of a material item. Yes its sentimental, and you would be within your right to sue them, but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an AH for doing it. You would be ruining any potential you have to rebuild that relationship with your brother, after both of you have suffered horrible losses and could really support eachother emotionally.

I understand you’re now grieving the loss of the furniture which is tied to the heartbreaking loss of your child. Can you understand that now your brother is grieving for the loss of your relationship, along with the loss of his child? Can your mind be eased at all knowing somewhere a child is using that furniture, and that family is so happy to have such lovely pieces for that child? The furniture is not the child. I hope you can give each other space and figure out how to handle the money later. Be kind to yourself and to them right now.

Edit: Damn, people. I never said don’t talk about the money. They can’t settle it while shouting at each other. The brother and sister will never talk again, the op and husband will still fight over stuff they never resolved (joint property after a divorce?). No court gives a shit about sentimental value. Don’t loan something you can’t afford to loose and always have a written agreement if it’s important.

I’m going against the grain here and say YTA. Mostly because I don’t actually believe you when you said you made it clear you wanted all this stuff back. Nobody does that with baby gear and you certainly don’t do it with things that have great sentimental value.

It just stretches credulity to think you went to all the trouble of packing it up and mailing it internationally, risking all the possible ways it could have been damaged or lost there, knowing that you were going to demand they turn around and ship it all back in a few years.

I think you intended for them to have it, figuring it would be in the family, but then lost your mind a bit when you found out it was gone. Then you took it out on a family that had just suffered a tragedy.

I’m truly sorry for your loss, but I honestly think you were being unreasonable.

NTA. It was so unbelievably cruel and selfish for them to sell mementos of your son for a vacation. You lending them the nursery for free represents how highly you regarded them and how you very kindly hoped that they would honor your son’s memory by bringing up their own child with his nursery. And they in turn said, “Your love and your deceased son means nothing to us. It is only worth as much as we can get breaking the set down and selling it.”

Sue their pants off! Go with your parents pressure and pretend to be ready to move on if they apologize for selling items they were supposed to return you out out of “emotional desperation” if you have to. Anything to get them to admit in writing/text that it was a loan not a gift. Then absolutely rinse them in court.

NTA. From a morality standpoint, there’s not much to it – they sold something that wasn’t theirs to sell, and did so for primarily selfish reasons. You are entitled to financial compensation.

You should consider whether it is worthwhile though – it’s not the financial burden that is hurting you, but rather the loss of sentimental items. Suing them will not bring these back, nor will they ease the pain you are still going through as a grieving mother.

If you choose not to sue, make it clear to your brother and family that it is he (and only he) ruined your relationship, and that no forgiveness or amends can be made before he acknowledges that and fully compensates you for the nursery.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

NTA
most basically, it wasn’t theirs to sell.
They should have returned it to you as promised.
Secondly, not to sound cruel or insensitive. She had a miscarriage, you had your son for 3 years.(I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how much that hurt) There is a big difference.
That nursery was a big connection you had with your son.

I would sue the shit outta him not just for the cost of the nursery but for the emotional distress it’s loss has caused.

Might get downvoted but ESH. All of you need therapy for the horrific losses that you went through. However, your brother sucks because he should have told you and not sell the nursery. I feel he was not in the right mind.

Furthermore, I think that you are still too attached and focused on your ex who you said in your own words “busy with work than care for his son”.

Your ex, is still controlling you.
Please update

INFO: From a legal standpoint, whether it is OP, OP’s ex, or both together who sue, my question would be this: Is it clearly set forth in writing anywhere (could be a text, email, letter or card) that this was a loan and not a gift? That will be essential to the success of the suit. If it was “just understood” from oral conversations that were not recorded, it could be really hard to prove.

NTA- they bought a VACATION with it. I’m incredibly sympathetic to their loss, and yours too of course, I can’t even imagine. But the bottom line is they sold property that didn’t belong to them for a profit when you were lending it out to be kind. I don’t care what your parents say about it, either you receive your money back, or they get sued- the end.

NTA and as for the ‘permenant damage in my relationship with my brother over “few pieces of furniture”‘

Your brother did that to you destroy something with high sentimental value to you, If they can do that to you then the relationship is beyond repair and they are not worth the trouble. Go ahead and sue them, even if you don’t your ex will.

ESH. You all need serious grief counseling. OP, you are understandably angry, but all of you are grieving and taking it out on family. Trust me on this – once you go legal on family, you can never, *ever* go back. Is this worth a permanent, irreversible rift in your family?

NTA. It was not theirs to sell. It’s yours. I understand her grieving but that was probably a reminder of your son you wanted to hold on to. I’m sorry you had to go through all this but you should definitely sue. They clearly don’t respect you.

You would be suing for the value of used furniture. Very unlikely court would consider sentimental value. Most likely it would be considered a gift unless you had documentation that furniture was only on “loan” to them.

YTA your brother was shitty too but you lost it on the phone and started yelling about something when you should have kept it together, explained you were upset and that you would like the money back

NTA. They are grieving, but it’s grotesque to equate their grief over a 5 month miscarriage to your grief in seeing your three year old little one succumb to a chronic condition.

NTA, but I think that you should be prepared to lose whatever relationship you have with your brother, SIL, and potentially your parents over this issue.

INFO do they know who they sold it to? There is a possibility of getting it back once the buyer’s child is older.