Friends Demand I Leave My Date at Home for My Ex’s Sake at My Own House

The user bought his grandparents’ house last summer, a location significant because it was a childhood hangout spot for him and his friends, including his friend “Dave.” The property includes a lake and a gazebo. The user initially planned to purchase the house with his now ex-girlfriend, Leslie, but discovered she had significant hidden debt during the approval process, leading to their breakup about six months prior to the post.

Leslie is the cousin of Dave’s long-term girlfriend, Kim, which is how the user and Leslie met. Dave and Kim are now engaged and asked the user if they could host their wedding ceremony at the gazebo, to which he agreed. Since the user started dating someone new in December, Leslie has reportedly reacted poorly, repeatedly attempting to reconcile despite the user’s clear rejections, leading to the current conflict where Dave and Kim requested the user attend the wedding without a plus-one for Leslie’s comfort, a request the user found unreasonable given the venue is his property.

Friends Demand I Leave My Date at Home for My Ex's Sake at My Own House

Last summer, I bought my grandparents’ house. This house was the hangout spot for my friends and I throughout our childhood. This includes my friend “Dave.” The house has a sizable amount of land, which includes a lake and a gazebo.

I was supposed to buy the house with my now ex-girlfriend (“Leslie”). But, going through the process of getting approved to buy, I found out that she has massive amounts of credit card and personal debt that she hid from me throughout our four years together.

I decided to break up as a result. That was about six months ago. I met Leslie because Dave’s long-term girlfriend (“Kim”) is Leslie’s cousin.

Dave and Kim are engaged and set to get married in April. When I was buying the house, they asked if they could have the ceremony at the gazebo, which I agreed to do. In December, I started dating again.

Leslie has not taken this well at all. She thinks we are going to get back together and has tried multiple times to make that happen. I have told her in no uncertain terms that isn’t happening.

Dave and Kim have asked me to not bring a plus-one to the wedding for “Leslie’s sake.” I have told them that this request is ridiculous. This wedding is happening at my house, using my land, and I am not allowed to bring a date because of a crazy ex?

If that is the case, then they need to find a new venue for the wedding. They are pissed about this given the short time frame of when the wedding is supposed to happen. So, we are at an impasse.

Here’s how people reacted:

Travelcat67

YTA. Your ex hid debt and that’s not ok but what about that makes her crazy. It sounds like you are very angry still and your ex is the brides cousin so she will be there. She is also probably still broken up over the break up. It’s one day. Yes you offered your land but based on your attitude I bet you want to bring a plus one just to stick it to your ex. That day shouldn’t be about you at all even if it’s in your backyard. Grow up dude. If you had a new partner and this was a couples years post break up I would feel different but it’s still fresh and it’s not like you have anyone who’s so deep in a relationship with you they wouldn’t understand sitting this one out.

And if you continue to make this a thing, not just the wedding but needing to punish your ex, you’ll end up losing the couple as friends.

LoneWolfHippie1223

NTA. At first I thought they weren’t going to give a +1 because you may have not been together that long and then not having the funds to add someone this close, but because your ex would be uncomfortable with your new girlfriend there is just wrong. I wouldn’t make them add a +1 for me at this point, and to save the hassle of discomfort I would tell them they have use of the gazebo etc they were going to have, but they need to get some porta johns because you and your girl will be out somewhere so no one has to be uncomfortable with someone’s presence so the house won’t be available

gotsmoxie

Wait- it is a “so let me use your land, gazebo, house, and lake to make our wedding happen, but you are not allowed to bring a date because of your ex-girlfriend” request! Not to mention the fact that your land will be trampled on, possibly driven on, partied on, the lake may be used for many interesting or and nefarious deeds, and you may be responsible for all the people that show up because you own the land and the liability for damages or for personal injury may be on your home insurance? Heck NAW, NTA! That is some bs there!

wtf-am-I-doing-69

NTA – BUT

I do believe they are two separate things

1) Your friend wants to borrow your land and gazebo for their wedding. You said yes to that. I would honor it

2) You are invited to the wedding without anyone. I would not go unless you can bring your date.

I would basically say – I promised you that you can use the land. Provide deposit against damages, but I am not going alone so if that is what you want consider this an end to our friendship and have a nice wedding.

PrairieGrrl5263

NTA. None of this is on you, OP. Having Leslie as a guest at the home where she was going to be a co-owner is enough of a sticky wicket. Attending a wedding at the home of your ex has got to be aaawk-ward, especially since it’s Leslie’s own stupidity and deceit that caused the breakup. Seriously, a plus one for you would be the least of Leslie’s problems.

You’re not wrong for taking the stand you are, OP; just know this may be the end of these friendships.

ComprehensivePut5569

They need to tell Leslie to get over it especially considering her inability to accept the break up is going to cost them thousands of dollars for a new venue. Your friend and his fiancée are entitled and aren’t thinking logically. Considering you were offering a free venue, they really have no right to dictate who you can bring to YOUR OWN HOME!

Ask your friend if maintaining Leslie’s delusion is worth the cost? NTA

6poundpuppy

NTAH. Well….. you have 4 choices. 1. Deny them the wedding on your property (unless they “let” you have a date) 2. Allow the wedding and don’t have a date.
3. Allow the wedding and bring your date regardless of their wishes. 4. Allow the wedding if they don’t invite Leslie. Choice is yours entirely. You’ll likely lose the friendship no matter what you do at this point, so just do what makes YOU happy.

Tough_Tangerine7278

NTA. They have a lot of audacity. You’re doing them a huge favor, sparing them a large expense, risking liability if a guest trips in the yard and sues, opening your home plumbing to commercial use, and cleaning your outdoor and indoor spaces…. and they can’t even spare you a plus one? How are they even planning to enforce this? You are the legal property owner – are they gonna call the cops on you?

mlachrymarum

NTA for wanting to bring a date, but you kind of suck for calling your ex crazy. From what you shared here she doesn’t sound crazy, she sounds like she knows she fucked up a good thing with a horrid lie for four years. I’m not saying you have to forgive her, or get back together with her. But unless there’s a list of behaviors and incidents you didn’t share here, calling her crazy is an AH move.

MorticianMolly

As someone said below, take your girlfriend out for the day. But the charge the idiots full rental value of a similar venue. You’re no longer close friends with these people, you are simply a landowner leasing your space. And charge them for the extra insurance you’ll need to take out in case something goes wrong and someone gets hurt or breaks something of your. Also, a cleaning up fee.

sparklycottonbreeze

Oh, hell no! They want to use your house, your land, and then have the audacity to tell you who you can and can’t bring? You’re not some background extra in their event , you own the freaking place! Stand your ground. They can either respect your right to bring whoever you want to your own damn house, or they can find somewhere else to get married. Not your problem.

ikeamgr

I think your friend approached this wrong. Your ex is the brides family and should be there. If they approached you to not bring anyone to the wedding because they fear drama,(which is probably what they were afraid of) you might have agreed. Depending on how much you want to still be friends, ask them if that is why they asked and see what they say.

This_Beat2227

Dude – they are your friends. It’s their wedding. Don’t be a dick. You don’t have a long term girlfriend. You just started dating again and will just have some random date no one knows and who doesn’t know anyone else there. And for that you won’t respect your friend’s request to skip the drama ?Man up and be a friend. FFS.

Ginger8682

First things first. Have an attorney draft an agreement or waiver between you and the marrying couple, that of anyone gets hurt on your property or if any damage is done to the property the couple is responsible for it not you and your homeowners insurance.

Secondly, it’s your house do as you please.

LittleChimpzx

So let me get this straight, your friends want to use your backyard for their wedding, but they want to dictate who you can bring? They’re trying to have their cake and eat it too just without any frosting (aka your plus-one).

Chance_Culture_441

The audacity on these two! You are all adults. If Leslie can be a big girl and deal with you moving on for the sake of her cousin’s wedding, why should OP be restricted to who they are allowed to have at their home?! NTA

NotUntilTheFishJumps

It’s your house. That you are letting them use. For free. They are so concerned with how Leslie feels, but what about how you feel? How you felt when you found out she had been lying to you? And again, IT’S YOUR HOUSE. NTA

mcindy28

NTA Stand your ground and die on this hill!! The entitlement is real … YOU BETTER BRING A DATE!! Or they can find another venue.

Question… Are they even paying you?? And don’t bring a gift even if they are.

mustang19671967

This is on your buddy Dave , tell
Him to ask for his junk back
And tell
Her that you can bring someone . As a general rule I would never bring someone to a wedding unless seeing for 6 months but that is me

CanadianJediCouncil

By the way, if they back down and “let you” bring a plus-one *to your own damn property*, I woukd have someone keep an eye on Leslie to keep her from destroying/harming/stealing things at the property.

johncate73

Your house and they are trying to dictate to you who can be there? Eff them. They are the AHs, not you, and tell them you will bring whoever they want, or they can find another place for their wedding.

Sea_Firefighter_4598

NTA. They’re the ones at an impasse not you. If you don’t get a plus one they can find another venue. Actually if Leslie is their priority maybe they should fine another venue.

2olbly

Info- are they paying for use of land?

If so maybe they have a slight tiny tiny right to refuse you a plus one? I’m doubting myself typing it out…
NTA

greyhounds4life1969

Even if they relent, I think I’d still be inclined to tell them to ask them to find another venue, the entitlement is off the scale.

JTD177

The wedding can still happen, they just should tell Leslie that she doesn’t make the rules, or they can go find another venue.

Ok-Hovercraft-9257

Just cancel their wedding site now. Good grief. They aren’t your friends or family. You tried to be a good guy. Break it off

9smalltowngirl

NTA just be done with that whole hot mess. They need to find a new venue and not bothering to send an invite.

belleeexoxo

Lol they want to use your home and tell you have the audacity to tell you not to bring another person?

ItWorkedInMyHead

Pull an Uno Reverse. Tell them Leslie isn’t allowed on your property and watch their heads explode.

Apprehensive_War9612

What if you agreed but said Leslie isn’t allowed on your land, for your comfort? Then what?

NTA

cassowary32

NTA. You can tell them you aren’t hosting them anymore because you don’t want to “upset” Leslie.

Not-a-Cranky-Panda

They want to tell you who you can have at your own home and think is is fine, they’re nuts.

Traveling-Techie

This isn’t an impasse. You have all the power. And you’re morally in the right. NTA

chaingun_samurai

People who are benefiting from the generosity of others do not get to place demands.

Mental-Paramedic9790

If Leslie is that upset about him bringing a date, maybe she should stay home. 🤔

Puzzleheaded-Roll434

I can’t believe u broke up w someone over debt. Seems shallow to me.

NoSummer1345

They can postpone the wedding if they can’t find a new venue

ConsistentDepth4157

Ask them why they think Leslie is welcome on your property

Conclusion

The core of the conflict centers on the user’s property rights versus the social obligations surrounding his friend’s wedding venue. The user feels his request to bring a date should be respected, as the venue is his private property, viewing the demand to attend solo as an unfair imposition due to his ex-girlfriend’s presence.

Conversely, Dave and Kim prioritize avoiding extreme discomfort for Leslie, whose presence at the event is central to their day. The user is now facing an impasse: either adhere to the venue restriction or withdraw the use of his property for the wedding. Is the user justified in demanding he be allowed to bring a date, or should he acquiesce to the couple’s request to ensure Leslie’s comfort at his friend’s wedding held on his land?