Every moment chipped away at her sense of self, as she became little more than a shadow in the background—expected to soothe, entertain, and care for a child that was not hers, while her own needs and desires were ignored. The trip, meant to be a respite, became a suffocating ordeal that tested her patience, love, and resilience in ways she never imagined.
My fiance and I were invited to go along on a trip to California for a week. I do not have my children with me due to them being with their father and having wrestling tournaments that they cannot miss (already spent hundreds on nonrefundable tickets for them to participate).
We drove here with his family, so I was already quite exhausted when getting to the resort after having listened to an 8 month old scream practically the entire ride (23 hours but they INSISTED we go with them for the drive to swap off driving and site see).
We were crammed in this vehicle like sardines because on the floor was their family dogs (a 75lb bull mastiff and her two puppies). So yes, dog shit was also present. They were quick to clean up but still.
The car was putrid.
When we get to the resort I quickly noticed how that I was seen as a built in babysitter for my fiance’s sisters 8 month old daughter. Everytime my FSIL and her husband wanted to take a shower, swim, eat, or even if they just didnt feel like holding her, this child was thrown in to my lap basically.
Every single time. There are 5 other adults here but they claimed that this child only wanted me. I cant exactly argue it because at this point I had held the baby so much that she did put her arms out for me quite often, even in passing in the hallway.
But it hit a point where I was getting pissed. I was in the pool yesterday and my FSIL gets in and within 5 minutes passes the baby off to me. I hand her back maybe 10 minutes later claiming I needed to use the restroom and stayed indoors.
Maybe 15 minutes later they come inside and pass the baby off to me again saying they need to shower and ask me to bring the child in to them in 10 minutes. After I pass the baby off to them, I lock myself in the room and I’ve barely left since.
My fiance comes in here a bit ago and tells me we are all going out to eat and I told him I didnt feel like going and becoming a highchair to the baby while her parents ate. As it is, I’ve already held this child more than enough and had several drinks spilled on me because of her octopus arms.
He said I cant just sit up here to avoid holding the baby and that I am wasting the trip all because I wont say no. Half the time they dont ask though. The baby is practically tossed at me.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant emotional exhaustion and resentment due to being treated as an unpaid, mandatory caregiver throughout a family vacation, a dynamic that began with an uncomfortable travel experience and escalated into constant imposition by the fiancé’s sister.
The core conflict lies between the OP’s right to enjoy their vacation time and the family’s expectation that the OP serve as the default babysitter; the question remains whether the OP’s retreat into their room is an appropriate self-preservation tactic or an unfair withdrawal from group obligations.
Here’s how people reacted:
Helping out is one thing. But allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat and brooding this growing resentment is another.
>He said I cant just sit up here to avoid holding the baby and that I am wasting the trip all because I wont say no. ‘
He is right. You are this close to ruining the vacation for him too. he wants to spend time with you and you are going to just shut yourself in a room and isolate yourself.
There are ways to be diplomatic and assert yourself politely. Nicely refuse and dont allow this to happen any longer. Let your inlaws know they have to do the lion’s share of the baby sitting. Whats wrong with you saying: “im tired of holding the baby”
It sounds like a frustrating, and bad situation, but in the story I don’t see you at any point telling anyone “I don’t want to do this”.
You had to imagine what the driving situation would be like, why didn’t you put your foot down when your fiancé told you that you would be driving together? When the baby is continuing to get passed to you, why didn’t you say “no thank you, I don’t want to hold the baby right now?”
Their actions seem pretty crappy, but you are all adults. Them being annoying doesn’t give you a right to be an asshole; locking yourself in a room and refusing to do things with your future family members doesn’t seem like a good way to start things off as future family.
And take it as a peek into your future where his family treats you poorly and he ignores it.
If your fiancé won’t support you, than you really need to reconsider the entire engagement and the relationship.
**Stop accepting the child. Make it a hard no. Just refuse to take it.** It is not your child. Set some boundaries. Your fiance is wrong. You CAN do that.
And stop going on holidays with his family.
But, your husband is right, you need to say no.
How is anyone supposed to know there is a problem if you don’t say anything?
INFO: Whose baby is this? Subject line says sister’s kid, but in the text you say it’s your fiance’s? Roll Tide?