Distance once brought relief, a fragile buffer against the relentless push of unsolicited advice and control. But now, with the prospect of her mother moving just steps away, the delicate balance teeters on the edge of upheaval, threatening the sanctuary they have fought to build.
My wife has a somewhat difficult relationship with her parents. The usual stuff you see on this sub: lack of respect for boundaries, bossiness, unsolicited opinions about personal choices.
She has a hard time pushing back, in part because she is a natural people-pleaser, and in part because her parents paid for her long and expensive education. I don’t have big issues with them, but then I don’t have any problem saying no to my elders, having left home for college at 16 and having become pretty wealthy before 30.
WE (with two young kids) moved far from her parents a few years ago, and some distance helped the relationship. In-laws split their time between my wife’s natal city and California.
Recently, MIL finally retired, and they started making noises about selling their primary residence and buying near us. Until fairly recently, though, it seemed like no more than a velleity.
A few weeks ago, a house two doors down from us — we live in a somewhat secluded neighborhood with few houses and low turnover — went on the market. In-laws excitedly told us they were putting a bid in.
Their sense of entitlement extends to real estate and they put in a low bid full of conditions. Still, my wife was very worried. She does not want them as neighbors. Neither do I, nor do I want to see a rare modest home in our area go to a part-time resident, when housing is scarce here.
I quickly formed an LLC and bid full ask. I can afford it. It was accepted, we close shortly, and I plan to rent it out (rental housing is very hard to find here) and leave management to an agency.
I did NOT tell my wife. Our finances are mostly separate. I did not want to put her in a position where she would have to lie to her parents or reveal what would be taken as a very provocative action.
The in-laws raged against the “mystery person who gazzumped them”, the seller, the realtor. I just nodded sympathetically.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) took decisive unilateral action to prevent his in-laws from moving nearby, driven by concerns over established boundary issues and the desirability of the local housing stock. This action, while protecting his immediate family’s privacy and space, placed his wife in a difficult, potentially dishonest position regarding her parents’ reaction.
Was the OP justified in preemptively acquiring the property, using separate finances to circumvent potential conflict, or did this maneuver undermine his partnership by forcing his wife into a situation where she had to conceal a provocative action from her parents?
Here’s how people reacted:
NTA
You had the ability to gift your wife some peace. I guess it was an AH move because you snagged the property for the purpose to solely keep them away, but I don’t think your brother understands the tempestuous relationship your wife has with her parents.
Personally I am an honest upfront person but I do recognize how that doesn’t work for a lot of people.
Pushy, intrusive people never give up.
My only concern would be that they’ll try to rent it from you now. Definitely do not want to be their landlord.
That said, I would rent it for a year, then sell it, and simply refuse the inevitable offer from your in laws.
You can always sell at a later date.
What are the rules with rights to refuse… can buyers and sellers be anonymous?
I’m just picturing you buying every house in your area as they go up for sale haha
You saw an investment for your families future.
I hope your bro doesn’t spill the beans.
Lol wonder why so many marriages fail?