The birth of their son, a moment that should have united family, instead highlighted the growing rift. With visits scarce and relationships strained, the narrator finds himself caught between the desire for familial connection and the need to protect his new family from the toxicity that Rob and his kin bring into their lives.
My brother, “Rob,” is a self-proclaimed prankster. He loves pulling pranks on everyone, including strangers. His pranks, in my opinion, aren’t funny and may land him in serious trouble in the future.
His “pranks” are just antagonising someone until he gets bored and then calling it a “prank.” Rob’s behaviour has seriously affected my relationship with him. When I first started dating my wife, “Halle,” he made it a habit at every gathering I would attend with her to prank her; not just an average whoopee cushion or a rubber snake – like hiding her glasses for hours on end, or pouring vinegar in her tea.
He claims he does it to make Halle “less posh and uptight.” My family is like him as well, a bunch of self-proclaimed jokesters. I don’t speak to them much.
My wife, “Halle,” gave birth to our beautiful son 6 months ago. According to my family, we’ve been “rationing our family visits,”(The first time they saw their son was when he was 4 months, and they haven’t seen him since.) My family isn’t very happy with this arrangement and they’ve been spamming me with calls, texts – and even emails asking (begging) to see the baby.
They want weekly or even daily visits, but that just isn’t possible.
Rob invited us for his 30th birthday and asked Halle to make his birthday cake. Not just any basic, simple vanilla cake, but one of those fancy, detailed, decorated cakes that require lots of time and effort.
I was hesitant to go (and even more hesitant to let Halle make the cake,) but Halle assured me that it would be alright and attending the birthday might ease my family off our back.
Rob paid her- upfront – for the cake that he specifically wanted. Halle also made cupcakes, just because she wanted to.
Halle and I arrived at my brother’s house earlier than everyone else and when everyone arrived, I was pleasantly surprised with how well the whole thing was going. They were very excited to meet my son and they were very respectful towards Halle.
Rob kept telling Halle to “watch her back.”
I had no idea he meant it literally.
While my wife was handling the cake, he came up behind her and poured cold water on her body. This obviously scared her a little and caused her to drop the cake. Rob, got extremely pissed, claiming that she “dropped the cake on purpose.” Halle started to apologise for dropping the cake, while soaking wet, but I wasn’t having any of it and I admittedly lost my temper a little.
I yelled at Rob for being irresponsible and irrational, grabbed the cupcakes that Halle had made (which were untouched) and left with my family. It was a little dramatic.
The next day, I woke up to a string of angry texts from Rob, telling me I had no right to take the cupcakes away from him because he had rightfully paid for them and this wouldn’t have happened if “Halle could handle a little cold water.”
Halle thinks that I should at least apologise in the hopes that it would make everything go away.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between defending his wife against his brother’s harmful pranks and maintaining family peace, especially concerning visits with their new child. His actions, though stemming from a desire to protect his wife after a severe provocation, resulted in an escalated confrontation and the removal of property the brother paid for, which now causes guilt regarding his wife’s desire to smooth things over.
Given the established pattern of harassment toward the wife and the direct physical provocation involving a paid-for item, was the OP justified in his immediate, angry exit and taking the cupcakes, or should he prioritize de-escalation and repair the relationship through an apology, as his wife suggests?
Here’s how people reacted:
If this is how he treats your wife. I can’t imagine his idea of “pranks” towards his nephew. You really don’t want to deal with a traumatized toddler/child who won’t understand the “joke”. Even worse if your son picks up on these habits.
Time to explain to your family why you are cutting them out. Leave it up to them if they want a relationship.
Your brother didn’t pay for the cupcakes. Halle made them because she felt like making them. He paid for the cake he caused her to drop by his nasty, infantile behaviour. As you left that behind I’m sure he could’ve scraped it off the floor to eat it. Which quite frankly it’s all he’s worth anyway.
NTA and what is wrong with your family if they don’t think there’s anything wrong with how your brother constantly harasses your wife?!? Give yourself a pat on the back for doing the right thing and leaving.
I haven’t spoken to my sister in 20 years because she is a toxic nightmare. I am FAR better off for having done it.
Is your brother 6?
He sounds exhausting and very unpleasant.
Mind, so does the rest of your family.
Your wife sounds a saint.
Oh, and self-proclaimed “jokesters” or “pranksters” are usually just bullies. Your brother sure is.
How is your brother this ignorant? It’s his fault the cake was destroyed and the cupcakes came free of charge so you have every right to take them.
Distance yourself more from your toxic family OP.
To me this would be the last contact I had with him.
And BTW, he paid for the cake, not for the cupcakes.