But that fragile peace shattered when his little brother moved in, turning the sanctuary into a battleground. The apartment transformed from a quiet haven into a relentless party zone, his pleas for calm falling on deaf ears as his parents urged him to “loosen up.” Trapped in a home he no longer controlled, he faced the brutal reality that sometimes, even the closest family can become the greatest obstacle to finding oneself.
When I got into university my parents purchased an apartment close to the campus so that I could live my way without having to deal with other people. I’m not social and I could best be described as either a misanthropist or curmudgeonly.
It was great for two years. And I came out of my shell a little. I met other people like me and discovered that, unlike high school, university isn’t hell.
I even met a guy. We both work at the campus store.
My little brother graduated last year and got into the same school. Rather than stay in dorms he convinced my parents to let him move in with me.
Well they own it so I had no say. I lasted one semester. Since he had an off campus residence my apartment became party central. I asked my parents to make him stop after talking to him didn’t work.
They said to loosen up. I think they know how to chang my personality.
I talked to the university and was able to snag a rare single room in the mature student dorm. I don’t have a lot of stuff so when we went home for Christmas I took what was really important to me.
My boyfriend, first one ever by the way, look at me all social now, cleaned out my room and moved my stuff to student housing for me.
When we drove back after New Year’s I dropped off my brother and then went to my new place. It isn’t perfect. But it is pretty sweet.
My parents called me and asked where I was. My brother had let them know I wasn’t in the apartment. I told them where I was and why I was there. They were upset that they spent all that money to help me and I did not appreciate it.
I said I did. Until they stuck me with my brother.
Without me there he is having a blast. Good for him. He is also missing a lot of classes and has been fined for noise complaints by the condo board. But that’s not my problem.
My parents are asking me to please move back in because my brother is in danger of being put on academic probation. I asked if I was allowed to bar him from having parties and stuff.
He was part of the conversation and was upset that I was asking to be put in charge of him. My parents said he was allowed some freedom and that as his big sister I should look out for him and not let him fail.
I thanked them for the opportunity but declined. And he recently had a party that the cops had to shut down. My parents are considering selling the apartment but it’s kind of a crappy market right now I guess.
I feel bad that they might lose money after doing something so awesome for me. And I feel bad that my idiot brother might have to take time off school to calm down. But I don’t think I’m the asshole.
They all do though.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant stress because their parents used an apartment purchased for the OP’s private housing as housing for their younger brother, who subsequently turned it into a party location. The OP values their need for solitude and academic focus, leading them to move out to single university housing despite their parents’ financial investment in the original property.
Given the conflict between the parents’ expectation that the OP should manage their brother’s behavior in the shared, parent-owned property versus the OP’s established need for personal space, the core question remains: Does the OP have an obligation to sacrifice their living situation and peace to manage their brother’s academic risk, even if the parents refuse to enforce necessary behavioral boundaries?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your mental health and your studies are important. And it sounds like the environment that was created once your brother came into the apt, was no longer conducive to that. All you did was recognize this and move to a place that would be a better fit. And it’s understandable because it sounds like a tough environment to take academics seriously and like you might have ended up in trouble (by extension) if you had stayed there because of the parties, etc.
Beyond that, you’re not your brother’s parent. Your brother is an adult. He makes his own choices (albeit, maybe not the best ones right now lol). Those are not your fault nor your problem. You have your own things to worry about. Your parents should be the ones enforcing better behavior, etc, not putting it on you to do. You have enough on your plate and that’s not your job.
You’re not in the apartment. OK. You’re not watching over your brother. Since you’re not allowed to have any sort of authority over him, what difference does that make?
Are you supposed to be running around cleaning up his messes, apologising to people for his behaviour, and doing his homework?
…
You actually are supposed to, in your parents’ eyes, aren’t you? Like he can do what he wants, and you should be doing the work of 3 people to fix his problems, do his work and housework, and keep up with your own studies and housework.
That’s the secret payment they expect from you for two years’ use of the apartment. **Surprise!!**
NTA. Eeeeeesh. Your golden child sibling can fail all on his own — or your parents can damn well do his homework for him.
Edited to add: If your brother drops out, you can help protect your parents from the financial loss by moving back into the apartment IF your brother is required to move back home. Your arrangement with the uni is probably on a semester basis, so this is at least feasible.
Your parents are having a hard time accepting that they failed your brother as parents. Hopefully, he grows up soon.
Real estate markets are unpredictable. Once your brother flunks out they can throw him out, or take him back home where he can be a mooch for another 10 years. They can rent out the condo until the market improves, or sell and take a loss. Their choice.
Why should you have to parent your younger brother simply because your parents don’t want to? They would rather you live with him and clean up his mess than enforce some sort of boundaries or consequences on his behavior and ensure you both have an environment where you can thrive.
Also – the condo was likely an investment for them. Usually when this happens parents save money by buying a place near campus for their kid instead of having them live on campus or rent, and they make a decent ROI when they sell it. Or keep it and use as an investment property. Just to say, it likely wasn’t an 100% altruistic move on their part.
If they want him to be supervised, *they* need to supervise him. You warned them, and when they ignored you, you took action. If they’d stepped in earlier this wouldn’t have happened, but now it’s affecting them and not you, the suddenly care.
Have fun in your new place, out of reach of your parents!
If you receive any money from them, you need to follow some of their rules, agree with them which ones. Of course, your brother is not your responsibility, but if you are receiving money from your parents then you have to abid their rules.
You’re not insisting they kick your brother out. You’re not even insisting that he stop partying. You’ve simply stated that as long as he keeps partying, you won’t be there. And you’ve organised other living arrangements.
I actually applaud the way you’ve handled this.
You’re not your brother’s keeper. He is his own responsibility, and you’re under no obligation to prevent him from being placed on academic probation. (How would you even do that?!)
Point out to them, that you appreciated them getting the apartment and for them to notice how there were no issues or problems with you, your grades, or with the apartment, until he moved in.
You getting your own place was the only alternative to keep your own peace..
Let them know that, you wouldnt mind living in the apartment but, your brother has made it uncomfortable for you to be there.
>I asked if I was allowed to bar him from having parties and stuff. He was part of the conversation and was upset that I was asking to be put in charge of him. My parents said he was allowed some freedom and that as his big sister I should look out for him and not let him fail.
Your parents want to spoil their son but blame you for the consequences of their shitty parenting. You are 100% right to wash your hands of it.
There were no problems until brother moved in. There were no cops called on condo until brother moved in.
I don’t blame you for moving out and not risking your future. You are not your brothers babysitter and the parents refuse to rein him in. They will have to deal with his consequences now.
The only thing is you should have let parents know you were moving out.
You’re not your brother’s mother, if your parents want him in a more “controlled” environment, they can have him live on campus, where he’ll have to abide by the rules, and then you can move back into the appartment.
Your parents can always evict him then rent it out to someone else, I guess. Market’s hot.