Now, amidst the fragile hope of a family’s future resting on a fixer-upper and dreams of an organic farm, everything teeters on the edge of collapse. Her mother’s sudden announcement threatens to unravel the fragile threads holding them together, leaving her to face not just her past, but an uncertain tomorrow.
I feel like I was in the right but my aunt, three of my siblings think I’m an asshole. I’m 31 and a female and I’m the oldest of ten kids my parents had me at 15,16 respectively. They both dropped out of high school and they got married when my mom was 17.
My dad joined the military and they had my next sibling on my moms 18th birthday. My brother is 28, the other kids range in age from 10-27. I grew up taking care of my siblings, my mom and dad expected me to basically help raise their younger kids.
Because of this I have no interest in having kids myself. My 23 year old sister pretty much took over my role and still lives at home.
My mom is 46 she homeschools the 10,12,14, and 17 year olds. She has never worked although she doesn’t do chores or clean the kids chores cover that. Her and my dad bought a fixer upper he planned on fixing up when he retires in a few years, they plan on turning into an organic farm.
However now that’s all up in the air as my mom just announced this weekend she is pregnant again. She thought she was suffering from pre menopause..nope she’s pregnant. Thing is she also admitted she had not been taking her BC for the last year and had hoped to have one more child.
I lost my cool because my dad has a bad back and he should have retired this year. Now with the new baby he is saying he may have to work another ten years. I told my mom she’s disgusting for doing that, and she had ten kids that’s plenty enough.
She burst into tears and ran out of the room, my dad told me to leave unless I was going to apologize and my 20 year old brother and 23,25 year old sisters told me I was an asshole.
My 28 year old brother and my gf said I maybe could have said it nicer but they think it’s messed up. So reddit was I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) strongly asserted their belief that their mother’s decision to become pregnant again, after neglecting birth control, was irresponsible given the family’s existing situation and the father’s health. This firm stance immediately led to significant emotional distress for the mother and caused the OP to be alienated by their mother, father, and three siblings.
Considering the OP’s history of shouldering significant caregiving responsibilities and their current stance against more children, was the blunt, negative reaction justified by the circumstances, or did the aggressive delivery cross a line into unacceptable cruelty? Where should the boundary lie between expressing genuine concern over a life-altering decision and maintaining basic familial respect?
Here’s how people reacted:
Could you have been more tactful? Yes but imo it was completely called for, and the other commenters calling you otherwise need to cool their reproductive freedom boners and think about the logistical issues a new born presents at this juncture.
Having read your post and other comments it appears that there is already a trend of the elder children having to parent the younger children.
This is incredibly unfair and arguably abuse on the part of your parents as this essentially robs the elder child of their own childhood and more or less forces them to sacrifice their own autonomy in the service of their younger sibling’s needs.
You were most likely robbed of a childhood/early adulthood, your 23 year old sister has likely suffered the same fate, and on and on it will go until this newborn becomes an adult.
Your mother is 46 now, meaning she will have to continue parenting and homeschooling for at least another 18 years. How is that going to work? How is your father expected to cope with both a fixer upper house and a bad back now that there’s a new addition to the family?
I am floored that so many people are calling you the asshole here, the asshole is your mother for treating her children so poorly as to make them assume the role of either nanny or maid as soon as the next child comes along.
I can’t even imagine what this is doing and has done psychologically to yourself and your other siblings.
Feel free to DM if you ever want someone to talk to OP.
But I kept my mouth shut. You can’t unring a bell. It’s done. New baby is here, and everyone seems okay.
Edit: Thanks for the silver! Also, I’m not going to debate people in the comments on the existence of our very real and very serious population issues.