As the wedding day dawns miles away, the weight of her decision settles heavy in her chest. The bond of friendship is tested, emotions swirling in uncertainty, leaving both hearts suspended between understanding and unspoken sorrow.
My best friend (29F) recently got married. I (30F) have been her bridesmaid for about a year now, partaking in bridesmaids duties. Her and I have been close friends for several years.
During our friendship, I moved to the other side of the country and am now a 6 hour flight away with a three hour time difference.
Her wedding took place on a Saturday. On Thursday, my cat, started acting strange but I didn’t think much of it. On Friday, I decided I had to take my cat to the vet. The vet said she had a kidney infection and that it was serious and that my cat would need to be hospitalized.
I was terrified that she would die.
After going back and forth with myself (and my fiance) for hours, I made the truly difficult decision to call my friend on Friday and tell her I can’t make it to the wedding. When I told my friend, she said I should take care of my cat.
I asked her if she was mad and she said “I don’t know how to feel.” I love my friend, but I needed to stay here to be with her. It’s heart wrenching to think about my cat needing me and me being too far away to come.
I’m all she has.
Of course I felt incredibly guilty missing the wedding and I still feel awful about the decision. I didn’t make the decision lightly.
On the morning of the wedding, I sent her a text saying I hope the wedding goes well and that I’m happy she’s marrying her partner. She said “ok thanks”. I haven’t reached out since because I wanted to give her space and have her come to me.
Two weeks have gone by, and she texted me this morning (a little heated). She asked me how my cat was and I said she’s ok. She was hospitalized for a few days and is now at home. She told me that she disagreed with my decision.
I told her that I’m so sorry and feel awful about missing the wedding. I told her I love her and continuously apologized. She asked me if I regret my decision and I said no.
She asked me why my fiance couldn’t handle it and I told her that it’s ultimately my cat and I want to be nearby if anything were to take a turn for the worse.
One of the other bridesmaids texted me the morning of the wedding (8am) asking me if I could take a later flight and miss the wedding but come to the reception (which started at 6pm).
I said it was too late. Again, I’m 6 hours away with a 3 hour time change. I don’t know if there was a direct flight that would’ve gotten me in on time.
My friend told me that people “volunteered” to her they would not have made the same decision as me and that what I did was “fucked up”. I didn’t know my cat would be OK until Saturday at 11am.
At that point, it was too late. Again, I could not leave my cat if she needed me. I would never expect anyone in my life to abandon their animal.
So, I was surprised when she said she wouldn’t have made the same decision as me. That she would have left her dog to be at my wedding if the roles were reversed. So Reddit – am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced an intense conflict between a deeply personal responsibility (caring for a seriously ill pet) and a major social obligation (attending her best friend’s wedding as a bridesmaid). Her decision prioritized the immediate welfare and emotional needs of her vulnerable cat, leading to significant guilt and subsequent strain on the friendship, despite her clear explanation of the emergency.
Given the unforeseen medical crisis of the cat versus the significant planning and emotional investment in the wedding, was the OP’s choice to remain with her pet the appropriate action, or did her commitment as a bridesmaid necessitate prioritizing the wedding event, regardless of the personal emergency?
Here’s how people reacted:
So yes, when the life of a tiny, defenseless creature who sleeps next to me at night, whose litter I clean, and who manages to make me laugh even at my lowest moments is at risk, I’d rather stay with them during their final moments than attend a wedding. And frankly, I could never trust the love of someone who would leave their pet behind in the same situation.
Your friend has the right to be angry about it since it was her big day, but she also needs to understand the cat could have died and you wouldn’t have been there.
THAT would have been absolutely something you don’t get over and have guilt and regret for the rest of your life for.
Anyone saying otherwise should never have a pet. You are their WHOLE life and best friend. To NOT be there for the last moments of their lives is absolutely disrespectful and would make you a sh*tty pet parent.
I am glad your cat is making a recovery, and your friend will either get over it or she won’t, you can’t really make her, but I would seriously rethink if I wanted a friend who thinks she’s more important than your own mental and emotional health, as well as the life of a love one.
As a side note, NONE of my friends would have behaved like that. They’d have been disappointed, but absolutely would have understood and been worried about my pet as well, because that’s what real friends do.
And to all the haters saying that a cat and a human cannot be compared or considered the same, I disagree. I have 2 cats that mean more than the world to me, they are so much better than humans.
In fact, I can guarantee that the only reason she wouldn’t cancel her wedding is because her guests mostly came from out of town and I would yell at her if she did cancel. 🤣 But there would be no question of me attending if I had a cat that could potentially be dying.
OP didn’t know until 11 am Saturday that her cat was going to be OK. Keep in mind the time difference, so how is OP going to make it even to the reception in time? By the time her cat got the all-clear, the wedding was most likely over and moving on to the reception.
I don’t get the hate. Shit happens. The bride can move on. People are fickle, animals are for life.
OP – glad to read your fur baby is doing OK.
Your friend now knows where she stands with you – beneath a cat. You killed your friendship with your silliness. I’d never choose an animal that will never love me at the same level as my human friends over said human friends. An animal will love the next person that feeds it just as much as they love you, and too many people anthropomorphize human traits onto them.
For all these YTA people, something we like to discuss with owners when they are torn about what to do we ask them “if this were your human child, what would you do”
And for those who wanna be like “well it’s not a human it’s an animal” if you don’t look at your pet as part of your family, don’t get a fucking animal
Would have been a harder decision if you were the only person around. Since your fiancee was there it shouldn’t have even been a question, go for 24 hours if you have to.
I would be pissed off I were your friend. You chose to sit at home waiting to see if your cat needed you when someone else easily could have covered for you. You will never get this moment back with your best friend and you’ll have to live with this decision decades after this cat has passed
If I would to attend the wedding i would ruin it. I cried that day and shaked in fear for her.
She is being shitty and manipulative. It was your decision to stay, but she isn’t accepting of this. She needs to grow up, she isnt the center of the galaxy and people have other important things in their lives.
Seems like you didn’t even check in after her which let it fester. Blowing off the wedding you’re a bridesmaid in and not being there for her during a stressful situation is hard to come back from. You put it on her to amend the friendship for a choice you made instead of taking initiative.
It was the decision to wait for two weeks instead of calling in and trying to be at least online for her friend that makes her an asshole.
You left your friend hanging at the last minute and missed the most important day of her life.
I don’t know if this is due to being self centered, a selfishness on your part or a just a complete lack of maturity.
You really need to start putting things into perspective.
We take the good with the bad. Our animals love us unconditionally and we return that to them.
I would probably not attend my own wedding if my dog was hospitalized. So yeah I’m definitely not attending someone else’s, let alone 6 hours plane ride away. 🫠