Amid the shared laughter and their cherished pets, an undercurrent of uncertainty flows. She yearns to explore the world on her own terms, while he clings to the familiar embrace of his parents’ neighborhood. Their love is real, but the paths they envision stretch in opposite directions, whispering a poignant question about what it means to grow together and apart.
I have been with my partner for about two years and he treats me great. He’s a very loving and kind person and we get along great. One problem we have had since the start of our relationship that I thought I could ignore is that we are in different places in life, I feel like.
We are 25 (me) and 30 (him). He has lived in big cities and done a lot of different jobs related to his field. He is still not fully ready to settle down and have kids and stuff but he does want to live close to his parents.
I do not want this. I feel like I have very little experience in what I actually want to do and have not gotten the chance to live in places I want to live in. I am not close with my parents and honestly have a pretty poor relationship with them so I do not relate to his desire.
I understand why he wants to but I just never had a family like that.
We have two pets. I have a little cat. He has a senior dog. I do love his dog. She’s great. She’s super sweet and chill and I take care of her a lot. She’s a big dog though so travel is somewhat hard for her.
I exposed my cat to the car and carrier trained her. She’s great on long road trips and planes.
I applied to my dream job awhile ago and my partner was supportive. I did have a concern that it was across the country and far from his parents and he said we’d figure it out when we got there.
Well, I got the job and now we are trying to figure it out and it sucks.
My boyfriend keeps asking if there’s a branch closer to his hometown and I keep telling him no, it does not work like that. It is also kind of my dream city to live in so I do want to be in that specific location.
He keeps trying to talk me out of it and I told him to tell me the exact problems he has with me taking this job.
He told me: “I want to be within reasonable driving distance from my parents. My dog is part of their family and it’s important to me that they see each other. She’s like their granddaughter.”
This kind of aggravated me. I suggested they can fly to see us and he just shut me down. His parents are retired and wealthy. They go on a lot of vacations a year but he said he didn’t want them to go through the hassle.
He said his dog MUST be in their house otherwise it’s not the same. It really pissed me off.
Today I told him “I will not be putting my life on hold for your dog, if that is actually the only reason you don’t want me to move. I am going with or without you.” and I left. He has been blowing up my phone apologizing and saying we can work things out but I really do not think we can.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a major conflict between pursuing a deeply desired career opportunity in a specific location and the resistance from her long-term partner, who bases his objection primarily on the logistics of his senior dog visiting his parents.
Given that the partner has now apologized and stated they can work things out, the core question remains: Should the OP compromise her significant life and career goals based on her partner’s stated inflexible requirement concerning his pet’s proximity to his family, or is the career move a non-negotiable priority for her personal future?
Here’s how people reacted:
Also, dogs are better than people. Not everyone feels the same way, but my dog gets my full attention because she gives me hers. She’s my kid. And I have yet to meet a human being that is better than a dog. People are self-serving, deceitful, and all around just not fun to be around.
He is trying to quash your dream job with this reason – but this sums it up – he would rather you pass on your dream than his parents who travel often take a plane to visit their granddog because that trip is a hassle where their other trips aren’t?
This proves he just doesn’t want to go & he expects/wants you to give up your dreams for him. He is literally putting his dogs relationship with his parents above your happiness- like WTF?
Go, be happy & enjoy your new life in a city you want. Explore the world when you can
You absolutely must take your job. If you don’t you will resent him & spend your life playing what if.
Don’t fall into the trap of “we can’t work this out”. Either he moves with you or he doesn’t. Especially because it sounds like wants to try to work it out. I also doubt it’s really about the dog. Dude is probably worried about moving to the other side of the country. I would be too, and I’m extremely well traveled. Sit down and talk to him about this.
Don’t listen to the shitters in the comments that scream “break up” every time there’s a difficult situation in a relationship.
Maybe he’s throwing away a good woman for — a dog? His parents’ relationship with his dog? His parents not traveling? I don’t really understand his reasoning.
Also, he said before you applied for the job that y’all would figure it out. Then he blocked any chance that he goes with you. Then you said okay bye, and now he’s saying the same thing.
But I don’t think he’s willing to move for you, so maybe y’all love each other, but aren’t compatible because you want different things.
I think you did the right thing to leave, and I don’t think you should go back.
This is a big red flag because none of this is “figuring it out together”.
He knew where the job was, since you had expressed this concern beforehand, and I guess he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal even if you got it cause clearly he wasn’t prepared.
Leave him because this not someone who will be happy for you getting the things you want if they don’t align with what he wants.
There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your career, especially at your age. There’s nothing wrong with him wanting to live close to his parents either. But it is wrong for him to try to pressure you to give up your dream job for his comfort. Your priorities are incompatible. I would take the job and break up with him. You will meet someone else in your new city.
Mommas boys don’t make good husband’s.
In a relationship the “battleground” is stacked one to one… some times you win… some times you don’t
When you’re with a mommas boy the battles are stacked you against 2… always ….
My advice is take the job… kiss the dog good bye…. and don’t look back
It’s okay to split if you don’t have the same desires or are not in the same stage of life. Break up as amicably as possible so you both can move on.
This is absolutely the time in your life to take the job and clarify for both of you if you want each other, or if you want something else more.
This “reason” is crazy and a weird excuse when really he just doesn’t want to and doesn’t care what it means for your life. You gotta go girl, never give up your dreams for a man at 25.
Stick to what you told him.
Good luck
Move on. This is a sad line of bs.