Shane immediately cut off all communication, blocking the OP on her phone and Snapchat, effectively ghosting her. The OP later learned he began a public relationship with another woman, Jess. Three weeks ago, the OP heard that Shane’s engagement to Jess ended due to infidelity and that his grandfather had recently passed away. When the OP recently encountered Shane at a grocery store, she pretended not to know him, leading to a confrontation with a mutual friend who called her cruel because Shane is going through a difficult period. The central question is whether the OP was wrong for her reaction after being ghosted.
I (29 F) was in a secret relationship with Shane (27 M) for 2 years. The relationship was a normal relationship except nobody knew about it. Because I’m a bigger girl and I’ve never been in a relationship, I didn’t push the issue.
After 2 years of Shane living with me, I came home to all of his belongings gone. I tried to call him but he blocked my phone number and blocked me on Snapchat. He completely ghosted me.
I find out through a mutual friend that he was in a public relationship with a woman named Jess. It hurt but I couldn’t change anything so I just accepted it.
3 weeks ago (A year after he ghosted me) I heard he was supposed to marry Jess but he caught her cheating. I also heard that his grandfather passed away last month.
Last night I ran into him at the grocery store. He walked up to me and said “Hey, how have you been?”. I looked at him funny and said “I’m sorry, do i know you?”. He was stunned. After a second I walked past him and continued on my way.
I told a mutual friend who said that I was cruel and mean for doing that when he’s going through a rough time. That friend doesn’t know about the secret relationship. Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The OP is currently navigating the emotional fallout from a significant betrayal: being kept secret during a two-year relationship and then abruptly abandoned. Her recent action in the grocery store was a direct, albeit delayed, response to this severe mistreatment, contrasting sharply with the recent news of Shane’s personal hardships.
The debate centers on whether the OP owed Shane any consideration or kindness given his current struggles, despite his past actions of ending their relationship through ghosting and secrecy. Readers must consider if past relational harm negates any obligation to be compassionate in the present moment.
Here’s how people reacted:
And can I just say: that was an amazing reaction. Most people would be kicking themselves hours later for not doing exactly that. 😎
Fuck that guy. And, for that matter, any of your “friends” for not being totally behind this.
But also, you deserve better than all of that mess. Your size does not mean you are any less worthy of a public, loving relationship with someone who sees you for the gem that you are. Never settle for less!
he practically erased himself from your life & i’m glad you kept it that way!
i love when women🤩
Also…NTA… how you responded is so damn perfect for how he just up and left. He ghosted you and you treated him as such. BYEEEEEEE
i can’t believe he had the nerve to approach you after he ghosted you like that
NTA
He just upped and left. How is what you did really that rude?
Maybe its time that relationship isnt more secret
You did that! Good job, queen 👏👏👏