NTA. You’re correct that this is not fair behaviour from your partner. I would understand if you want to inform her of this and that she’s putting your marriage at risk. If this is the way you go I’d tell her you feel you’re being punished and emotionally manipulated about not wanting to bring others into your sex life and having boundaries of monogamy in your relationship. You both agreed on monogamy getting together, no? Tell her you’re building resentment and decide if that’s it or counselling…

Maybe also/alteenatively try suggesting that you fulfil this with yourself and a toy built for this purpose if you’re comfortable with that? If it’s truly about the act and not another man you’ll know… At least you’ll have considered how you could fulfill this comfortably but without your boundaries being destroyed. If she’s against that and still holding the relationship hostage then maybe you need to leave…

I don’t think any of this is fair, 33F who knows when a fantasy should remain in porn…

At first I was gonna say NTA but since I read in the comments that she’s not asking for another MAN in the bedroom, she’s asking for you to explore with a toy with her… YTA. She’s asking for you and a toy. She’s not asking for you and another man and she’s not asking to put the toy up your ass… so… why not give that to her? What bothers you so much about it? Why isn’t her benign sexual desire that she intimately is sharing with her husband being honored and celebrated as a deeper level of intimacy- both my communicating the fantasy and exploring it together.

Neither of you should be doing anything you don’t want to do. She shouldn’t be using anything, sexual or otherwise as a tool to get what she wants. But also it’s her prerogative to shut down an act she has previously engaged in for any reason of her own whatsoever. Both can be true at the same time. I’m not saying you should give into it because that’s a boundary you should not cross over but also you need to learn to live without whatever other act she refuses to engage in. NTA for your choices but don’t think you are entitled to hers either.

YTA-

After reading the post I felt NTA and you were being forced to include another man in your marriage.

However, after reading the comments all your wife is requesting is to use toys for the second cock.

I’d reconsider your position strongly what’s holding you back from allowing toys in the bedroom

If it’s not another person she wants to bring in, why not just try it, my partner and I tried anal once I was never into it or thought about it tbh we tried it once and definitely wasn’t for us so we never did it again, it’s been maybe 15 years since that night.

I get where you’re coming from though.

After reading through the follow up comments, I do think you are the AH.
I would have supported you if you didn’t want to bring a 3rd person into the bedroom. To me that is a reasonable boundary. Not wanting to use a toy? That’s ridiculous and I your wife is matching the ridiculousness appropriately.

Bro, give her the toy. Your feelings of inadequacy are yours and yours alone. She simply wants a different feeling, and you’re holding it back from her because you feel like you “should be enough.” Suck it up and get over it. She’s not asking for a BBC, she simply wants some additional feels.

ESH. You are allowed to have a boundary on what you aren’t comfortable with… but she wants to use a toy while you otherwise vanilla her. You’re not trying to work with her to accommodate what she wants in a way you could be comfortablewith, and her response to punish you for it is manipulative.

Obviously not the AH, but logically speaking she has a point. She can claim that she’s not comfortable doing your thing – even though she’s lying – but maybe not – maybe she was comfortable before, but not now.

More seriously can you guys compromise and get a dildo or something?

She has a right to ask and you have a right to say no. If she isn’t respecting your “no” then she’s being an AH and needs to knock it off.

But do keep in mind that if you do this, she will owe you something in the bedroom. You might want to try to get over your reluctance.

Since you said that she doesn’t want to bring someone else in, Im assuming you have a problem with her using a toy for the DP? Or is there something I am missing. Cause I would think the toy would be fine if yall can find a middle ground on it.

Blackmail (except the ERP type) is never consent and that is what is happening. It is never a healthy part of a relationship. It actually shows a very unhealthy attitude towards the relationship – it’s my way or the highway.

Is she wanting to bring in another guy for this, or just a toy? Either way, you’re allowed to have boundaries, but depending on the method of DP, this is pertinent information to determine how crazy your wife is behaving.

A partner who punishes you for setting a sexual boundary isn’t one worth having.

A partner who withholds sex as a punishment or a way to manipulate you isn’t one worth having.

Basically, your wife isn’t worth it.

>why do I have to be into anal

You don’t? DP isn’t necessarily you doing anal, it’s her inserting a toy because she likes that and you don’t have to do shit.

Do you have anything you want to try with her?

I don’t see the problem if there’s no other person involved. I’d personally be hyped if my wife wanted to do something different in the bedroom. It’s your boundary though and only you know your comfort zone.

Be strong if you were a women. Reddit will tell you to stand your ground and not be sexually intimidated or forced.

No matter what the gender. Your entitled to your boundaries.

After reading that she doesn’t want another person, just a toy. Jesus yeah, you’re the asshole and perhaps the most sexually vanilla boring person ever. What even

I’d be interested to know why you’re not willing to use a toy, since you specified she didn’t want to bring another guy in.

Are you just against sex toys?

I get not wanting to do it with another dude but what’s wrong with a toy? You do it the regular way and the toy goes to her forbidden part.

lol you need to edit your post to include that she’s not asking for another guy to join you and wants to use toys. you’re burying the lede.

I had to reconsider my answer as well, I assumed that she wanted to bring another guy in. Do you guys not already enjoy toys together?

when I first started reading I was like, oh damn this dudes wife is a ho, then I read the whole thing and was like……wtf, why not

A) Get a big ole dildo and shove it in her ass while she’s riding you, or
B) Tell her to go out and find two guys to do it to her

NTA. Whatever happened to consent? She’s coercing you into a sexual act you are not comfortable with and weaponizing intimacy.

Nta, but tell her to get a vibrating toy and a second thrusting toy and she can enjoy DP without having to rely on you.

I’m a little confused so does she want a threesome? If not what’s the issue? She probably just wants to use a dildo

Wait, she doesn’t want another dude, just a toy? You’re definitely allowed to say no, BUT, why not? Just curious

How will she control her bowels if both ends are being penetrated ? It’s just a weird fetish. Man she is a freak

A toy is one thing and perfectly fine, another dude = time to look into divorce. Best of luck

My wife DP, but with a toy. Ain’t no way we getting another dude involved.

Another man in the mix or a toy?

If it’s a toy, why so against it?

this is sexual coercion at is core. super manipulative of the. NTA

Is DP double penetration? Wow your wife is a freak ?

YTA if it’s a toy. Just indulge it, live a little.

Sooo, have you considered doing it for her?…

Self centered much? You’ll be divorced soon.

DP is for the street hoes, not the wives

you don’t need an extra person for that.

DP as in double penetration, right?