But as time passed, something within him shifted. Against the odds, he embraced the responsibility, setting aside his fears and doubts to become the father his son deserved. Their bond grew unbreakable, a testament to the transformative power of love and the courage to choose family despite life’s hardest beginnings.
I have a 16 year old son and he has 4 half siblings who are all younger than him. I was only ever with his mom for a brief period of time, and we both agreed prior to sleeping with each other that we were on the same page about not having a kid.
Obviously that didn’t work out because she got pregnant (I did practice safe sex and wore rubbers but hey, I’m a dad now anyway)I asked her to abort, she told me she’d changed her mind, and she kept the baby.
I wasn’t thrilled about being a dad, after paternity was established I set about paying child support and that was it. I had no intention of wanting to be in his life especially because my own parents had kicked me out and I was still a kid myself.
After a few months though I felt the need to be there and actually be a father, so I put aside my own feelings and put him first. we are incredibly close today and I’m so glad and grateful that I got to be his dad.
I was 18 when I had him, and over the years I was lucky enough that I was able to become financially independent and in essence retire early so I’m able to give my son experiences that I never had.
He chose to live with me when he was 11, which was a huge sore spot for his mom, but he’d always beg prior to that because his brothers and sisters would break his stuff, and he’d get yelled at because he’s the oldest, etc.
His mom has always been courteous, but over the last few years she has become more and more resentful that my son gets more than her other kids. She is by no means poor, but obviously her resources are spread over 5 kids whereas mine is spread over 1.
It was his birthday last week and as a gift I bought him a car, which he’ll be needing soon anyway and which I’ve had the cash aside for for *years*. When his mom found out, she called me furiously on the phone and told me I that I’m a piece of shit for making her other kids feel bad, because I’ve ‘never spent a penny on them and every time he goes to visit it’s obvious his dad is spending money on him’ …
I snapped back and told her that what, she expects me to shell out on kids I have no obligation to just so she doesn’t feel bad?
She said that all the years of them seeing my son go on vacations, his clothes, his mannerisms (what?) etc made her and her kids feel bad, and she told me that I was selfish for having a fund for ONLY my son because none of her other kids will be able to afford college.
I told her that’s an unfortunate reality for kids who have different parents and it is what it is.
She’s normally pretty level headed so I honestly have no idea why she thinks it’s acceptable to ask me to pay for her other kids too- I’ve never tried to flaunt anything via my kid, I just want him to have the best I can give him.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) clearly feels conflicted, torn between his deep commitment to providing the best possible life and opportunities for his son, and the intense resentment from his son’s mother regarding the unequal distribution of resources among the half-siblings. The central conflict lies in the mother’s belief that the OP has a moral obligation to financially support all her children, which directly contradicts the OP’s understanding of his legal and emotional responsibilities being strictly limited to his own son.
Is the OP acting selfishly by exclusively funding his biological son’s future, or is the mother being unreasonable by demanding financial support for children to whom the OP has no legal or parental bond, simply to manage her own feelings of inequity?
Here’s how people reacted:
One thing you can do is give your son enough of a budget to get them nice birthday/Christmas gifts. (talk to the mom first) but this way it isn’t from you, its from your son and helps lessen the disparity and hopefully mitigate some resentment.
Ouff. My petty ass would’ve gone all “you probably shouldn’t have spread your legs so many times if you find it hard to provide for the other kids”
In truth tho. Six kids in total?!
That’s way too many. If you can’t really afford six kids then you shouldn’t have six kids. I mean, there’s plan B and everything. No one is forcing her to sleep around and keep every damn pregnancy.
Does your kid still live with you? To me it sounds like your ex might be treating him worse to “even it out” for the rest. I’d have an adult conversation and remind her to a) be an adult and not a bully and b) only your kid is your responsibility.
You have custody of your son. She wants you to pay child support for children you have never met?
That’s wrong.
NTA
1. If you start supporting her kids with other males the entitlement will get worse.
2. You will be treated as a gimme tree. (Not a giving tree that is loved.)
3. You may end up raising her other kids.
Heads up man.
But also the reality is that he has 4 half siblings and a mother and it’s in his best interest for everyone to get along. So you should come up with a workable solution and to just say suck it up is not one.
Work with your ex to come up with something that works for you both. Perhaps this is a question for r/relationshipadvice
She may also feel desperate. Any parent would want to make sure their kids are well set.
I can see why it would hurt those other children to see their brothers rich dad whisk him away on fancy vacations knowing they’ll never get to go.
So she’s mad she had a bunch of kids and can’t give them any thing. And she’s taking it out on you because you can give your son stuff.
That’s some real shitty.. Parenting.. If you can call it that.. On her part.
Come on man, in what world would you be the asshole for not spending money on kids that aren’t yours.