Beneath the surface of this tense encounter lies a web of forbidden relationships and deep-seated resentments, where a secret liaison with a man despised by her husband and tangled in decades of family betrayal threatens to explode. Bound by the unbreakable code of patient confidentiality, the nurse is trapped in a suffocating silence, carrying a burden that weighs heavily on her heart and mind, far beyond the sterile walls of the hospital.
I’m an ER nurse. I also have a terrible, terrible relationship with my MIL. She came into the ER on Valentine’s Day, and when I went into the room, she immediately demanded a new nurse.
To be fair, I was about to suggest she get a different nurse because, in general, we do not work with family, but she was super rude about it and said I was incompetent.
The real issue is the MIL was with a date. This man is a family friend. He was actually the FIL’s (her very, very recent ex-husband’s) best friend for 20 years. My husband despises this man and would have a strong reaction if he found out they were dating.
MIL’s dad had a business falling out with him, and there were multiple lawsuits. His kids do not like the MIL. So, to say people would flip out if they found out they were dating is an understatement.
I absolutely cannot tell anyone due to HIPAA. I cannot even mention to my husband that I saw her, and it is stressing me out so badly. The MIL reminded me of HIPAA at the hospital, and I reassured her that I would never risk my career like that.
The MIL laughed and said she knew it was going to drive me crazy, and she was loving it.
This morning, she texted me that she was just reminding me that she knows her legal rights and will destroy my life if I tell anyone. I wrote back again that I won’t tell. I asked if she was ever going to tell her son, and she wrote back, ‘LOL, maybe if we get married.’ I told her she was a shit mom, and she said she hardly ever sees him since he married such a bitch, so it is a non-issue.
At that point, I felt like she was goading me because she must know that it kills me not to be able to tell him. I wrote back that I cannot break HIPAA as she is clearly aware, but I can dictate how much time she spends with future grandkids, so maybe she should stop calling me names and just maybe she should fess up to her son.
MIL wrote back that she has no intentions of having a relationship with my kids, but then said the fact that I said that shows what type of person I am, and since I am a trash person, she doesn’t even want to meet my future kids.
I don’t know if I went too far with what I said.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught in a severe professional and personal conflict, bound by patient confidentiality (HIPAA) while being directly threatened and emotionally manipulated by their mother-in-law (MIL). The central conflict revolves around the OP’s duty to remain silent about seeing the MIL with a controversial dating partner versus the intense emotional pressure to inform their husband about the situation.
Given the MIL’s explicit threats to the OP’s career and the subsequent escalation regarding future grandchildren, the core question for debate is whether the OP was justified in issuing a counter-threat regarding future family contact, or if this crossed a necessary professional or personal boundary, escalating a volatile situation unnecessarily.
Here’s how people reacted:
There’s no need for you to go back and forth with her. I’d honestly block her and end communication. Let her son deal with her. If she cared about Her privacy she shouldn’t be talking to you on your cell phone during your personal time. The family will find out what she’s doing soon enough. And you might want to alert your boss to her behavior. Seems like she’s trying to blackmail you or cause harm to your career.
Just block her. She’s delighting in the engaging conversation, so disengage. Learn the grey rock technique of not engaging with toxic people. (“Oh.” “Okay.” “Sure.” “I heard.”) Don’t give them a reaction and they will stop, eventually, because they want the drama. So deny them the drama.
And is it a violation if your husband happens to read the messages on your privately owned phone and figures it out?
In fact, you do not even need to mention to your husband where you heard the information, merely that “Your mother is dating X”.
Gotta love toxic In-Laws.
FYI, you wouldn’t get in trouble if you ‘accidentally’ left your phone around where your husband might see. Or to read the texts in front of him. She can’t sue you when you’re on your own time.
Also technically speaking, what she’s trying to do is blackmail you, which is also illegal FYI.
NTA – your MIL sounds like a jerk, no point being nice to jerks.
That doesn’t include seeing her with a man.
NTA but don’t keep engaging
Block her. If she spends so little time with her son anyway no need to keep dangling on this hellacious woman’s noose. Block her, be done with it.
But here a piece of advice – stop engaging her. Block her everywhere and move on with your life.