NTA

Your son asked your wife not to interfere, and she interfered anyways.

​

> We had a whole talk about that and reminded her that James wants to do this job hunting on his own.
>
> He’s angry at my wife right now for interfering and now he’s going to be too embarrassed to go to that store again since they know who he is.

She was talked to, presumably agreed, and STILL interfered. Your wife needs to realize that your son is going to be an adult soon, and that if she keeps this up, he may very well decide he wants nothing to do with her once he IS an adult.

She blatantly and knowingly disrespected and violated a boundary you and your son set with her – and she embarrassed him on top of that, to the point he’s afraid to go to a store he loves because she acted in such a childish fashion.

​

> I also confronted my wife and ***she kept saying she was only looking out for him.***

No, she wasn’t. Looking out for him would be mentioning places that she saw were hiring, or offering advice for his resume and for interviews. Looking out for him would be doing things that were inherently helpful.

The only thing she did by doing what she did was upsetting and embarrassing her son, and making sure that if he was being considered for the job, there’s no chance of it happening now. She did not help in any way, shape, or form – she interfered, after she was asked not to.

She is not helping or looking out for him when her ‘help’ was explicitly asked not to be given, she is interfering in a way that could damage his reputation and harm his ability to get a job elsewhere in the future should word spread about her little stunt.

If she cares about your son, she will listen to his request to not interfere or provide her ‘help’, instead of steamrolling over his no because she thinks she knows better. He said no. She needs to respect that.

I used to manage a place where most of my employees were high school age. I would be entirely put off by a parent calling to yell at me. if a parent picked up or turned in an application for their kid they were an instant no hire. I had to tell one parent several times, “this is your daughters job, if she is having issues she needs to come to me herself. You are not my employee and I will not speak with you about your daughters job in any capacity. She needs to tell you her schedule, she needs to tell me if there is a conflict, and she needs to decide for herself if she can handle the job or not.” I grew to resent that employee because her mom wouldn’t get off my back after expressing to her several times that she needed to back off. Your wife is activly hurting your son’s attempts to be independent and get a job of his own.

NTA

NTA

This is the millionth story that I’ve read of moms ruining their child’s admission chances into jobs or colleges.

I’m sure you’re aware that if a job doesn’t call you after a week, you call for a follow-up. Maybe they were busy or maybe they weren’t considering your son as much, but a follow-up is always good. Your wife most likely ruined that now.

She’s definitely being a helicopter mom and that’s sometimes hard to accept. Her intentions were good and I would do the same if I lived in a hypothetical world. I’m sure you both raised a decent kid, and her job as a mom will shine. Just give it some time. He’ll land a good job, he’ll have a good life, it’ll happen (hopefully). But for now, she needs to sit back and let her son handle himself in this world.

NTA. As a former hiring manager this happens all the time. Please let your son know that they will understand if he goes in and apologizes. We always felt bad for these kids and realized it wasn’t them. That won’t get him the job, but he’ll be able to go back to the store. As for your wife, she probably knows she’s out of line. Say it once and let it go. Natural consequences will take care of that situation if she doesn’t change, but it’s unlikely she’ll take your advice. She’s not wrong about the frustration of collectively perpetuating this lie, but that will only change if job seekers start calling and complaining, not their moms. Maybe explaining it with a “you’re right, but…” will open the door for changed behavior.

Message for Mum,Please pass on to her. Mum, You are great, you love hubby, love your boy and want to do your best for them both, they know that,and they love you too, they are NOT having a go at YOU, just what you did because what you did was well meant but inappropriate this time, that is all, your love your boy so much it made you angry and you crossed the boundary, but you will not do it again will you, next time you will just give the boy a hug, say better luck next time, keep smiling and be there for him when he needs you. message over, lovely wife, lovely family , just a bit eager NTA

Absolutely NTA. As someone who works in career advice and employment support, I can confirm that if that store was ever going to consider your son in the future, they won’t ever consider him now.

I’m afraid your wife ruined his chances, her actions were rude and inappropriate. Employers do not want to deal with overbearing parents and they won’t hire someone who’s parents call in on their behalf.

Your son deserves an apology.

NTA. Your wife shouldn’t have interfered, and now he has 100% no chance of ever working there. The three of you need to have a civil discussion of how he wants to do this on his own. By all means, you and your wife can support him, but when it comes down to it, your wife needs to understand that she can’t protect him forever and he needs to learn about the world before he enters it unprepared

Oh. As a person with sorta helicopter mother: Tell your son to keep those things secret from your wife. What she doesn’t know she can’t ruin. I did it all the time with my mom, telling important things to my dad (like my holiday plans etc) and telling my mom watered-down version only afterwads the things happened. Not the most moral solution, but it works.

NTA- you’re right your wife is being a helicopter mom. There was a story on here a while back where a hiring manager had a mom call him for either her son/daughter. He told her that she was causing their child to not get hired at his job. You’re doing the right thing! Your wife is seriously overstepping here with your son. She owes you both an apology.

NTA

What your wife accomplished is everyone knowing your son as the guy whose mom calls and berates the manager for not hiring the guy.

What did she actually want to accomplish with her little shouting match?

“Angry on behalf of the son”? Nah, that’s a load of bull – She is actively interfering in your son’s life making her a helicopter parent.

NTA! She *is* being a helicopter mom, and the fact is that they could very well have been going to call him. My last job took 3 weeks to call me for an interview. And even if they don’t hire him now, he could have tried again if she hadn’t sabotaged him. She’s robbing him of potential job opportunities with her “help” and she needs to stop.

NTA
Your wife probably ruined other jobs he applied for too, she just wasn’t caught.
Hold strong on this for James. Where does her “help” end? Will she be there for the interviews? Help him work a shift? Talk to customers on his behalf? Then what’s next – his mum “helping” him date girls? Poor James.

NTA. You need to work out how to get through to your wife or James has no hope of getting a job. I have worked for two different organisations where we employed teenagers. I can tell you that one phone call from a parent and his application would be in the bin even if he were the preferred applicant

NO! You did not go too far. You were absolutely right to say that. Sometimes you have to be this honest in order for someone to hear. The fact that she’s mad probably says she knows you’re right and she does owe your son an apology. NTA

Your wife is wrong. At this age he doesn’t need mommy to yell at the bad people. He needs advice on how to handle it himself. He could have called to check, but it was not her place NTA

At least your son recognizes that his mother is way out of line. That saves you the worry that he will grow up to be weak and scared because of an overbearing mother. Whew. NTA.

NTA – No employer will want to hire your son with your wife sticking her nose in, and word DOES get around. Your wife is totally, 100%, the AH here.

NTA One call from a parent will send any teen’s application to the bin. She owes your son an apology and needs to step back.