Determined to protect her peace, she set firm conditions as a test of responsibility, watching as dreams faltered under the weight of daily commitment. In this silent struggle between love and practicality, the true challenge emerged: could they all rise to meet the promise, or would the dream of a dog dissolve into another forgotten wish?
Before we got married and had kids my husband and I agreed that all big decisions required two yes or no votes. Well our two oldest kids and my husband want a dog. I do not. I have heard too many horror stories about a family getting a pet and then the person who did not want it being stuck caring for it.
I finally agreed on three conditions. One, smaller than sixty pounds, we do not need a mastiff. Two, a non shedding dog only. None of us are allergic, I just don’t want extra work. Three, for sixty days in a row they had to collect all the garbage from all the trash cans in the house and put it in the big garbage bin.
That was to make sure they would remember to feed a dog every day. And for sixtrt days they, all three of them, had to go for a one mile walk twice a day. With the GPS route tracker active.
If they missed a day they had to start over.
The longest they have made it so far is two weeks.
My parents called me up to say I was being ridiculous and petty. I 100% agreed with them. But since they always side with the kids I was ready for them. I sent them a link for a dog walking service in my area.
It is very reasonable. I said if they wanted a say in the dog decision they had to agree to set up an account with that company and that I could call up the company for help whenever their precious, perfect, grandchildren and son-in-law forgot to take care of the dog.
They said I was being a jerk and that they had the right to their opinion. I agreed that they had that. But unless they were willing to pay to include their opinion in the decision it did not matter.
My husband has finally seen that the kids aren’t responsible enough to have a dog. Great. He said we needed to tell them. I said that “we” was one too many people. I wasn’t the one who sided with them when I had said I knew they were not ready.
He thinks I’m being a dick.
No one has called me an asshole but that’s only because they say it in much more polite terms.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) entered a marriage agreement requiring mutual consent for major decisions, including acquiring a pet. When her husband and children pushed for a dog despite her strong reservations about increased workload, the OP established strict, measurable trials for responsibility. After the family failed these trials, the OP asserted that her veto power remained valid, leading to conflict with her husband and parents who viewed her conditions and subsequent stance as overly harsh or petty.
Given the initial agreement on shared decision-making versus the demonstrated lack of follow-through by the rest of the family, is the OP justified in using her ‘no’ vote based on the established failure to meet preparatory conditions, or is her rigidity damaging necessary family unity and trust?
Here’s how people reacted:
You also require them to do a job of collecting garbage which is completely different from feeding an animal. Your also saying your two oldest kids, which implies there are more than two, but no concept of the ages of them. In my household, we have cats, not dogs, but I have had dogs in the past. My three year old is the one who has claimed the responsibility of getting the dry food and filling the bowl. My five year old refills the water. I didn’t make them do these things, they love taking care of an animals and do this every day. I also can’t get them to do anything with the garbage.
All of that being said, I really wish I could vote differently, but I have to vote NTA. You don’t want the responsibility and set rules for them to follow that they agreed to. They failed to meet the requirements they agreed to, which means they lose. I still think your rules are too strict against actual ownership of an animal, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t responsibility and they need to own that. A compromise, if you actually would be willing to have a dog, is to find a breed that matches the cadence of your family. Your husband, however, should have had these conversations with you BEFORE involving two kids and siding with them. So still, you’re not the asshole.
Love the addition of household chores to mimic dog care responsibilities as a practice run.
I do think dog walking would be a lot more motivating than walking without a dog, so I have some empathy for your kids for struggling to stick with that.
I think a mistake a lot of people make is to adopt a pet that “belongs” to a child. Children’s interests ebb and flow so much, and year-to-year their other responsibilities change (e.g. school demands, navigating growing up). I honestly think any parent adopting a pet “for” a child has to understand that ultimately the animal is that parent’s responsibility. You were right to include your husband in this, OP.
I reckon that these rules feel harsh as a reader, but ultimately you’ve protected a dog from being neglected or unnecessarily uprooted and rehomed. NTA, OP.
You seem to think that your children’s attitudes and work ethics somehow have nothing to do with you. Maybe you should examine why the children you helped raise can’t
In fact,
> whenever their precious, perfect, grandchildren and son-in-law forgot
You seem to actively hold your husband, and your own children, in active contempt.
This sub would be flipping it’s shit if a man were treating his wife and children this way.
> My husband has finally seen that the kids aren’t responsible enough to have a dog. Great. He said we needed to tell them. I said that “we” was one too many people. I wasn’t the one who sided with them when I had said I knew they were not ready.
Also, rewarding the behavior you want with even more contempt and scorn is a great way to make sure that people stop trying to get along with you.
I think it’s HUGE that your husband has acknowledged that he and the kids cannot handle a dog.
That type of thing needs to be rewarded with positive reinforcement.
Because if he makes a major concession like that, and you make him feel like garbage for doing so, he won’t do it again in the future and will be more likely to hide his changes of heart to be “right”.
You’re in the final stretch.
Do not lose the war because you want to be petty over a battle.
Absolutely have your husband be the point man during this discussion, and help him lay out the grounds of what he wants to say and how he wants to say it before you both approach the kids.
But at minimum, be present to give him support and show a united parental front.
As an animal lover myself I will say absolutely NTA, and good for you!
You already told the kids you don’t think they should have a dog. I don’t know why you’d have to do it again. They need to hear it from their dad too.
I love my 2 dogs very much, but they’re so much work. Picking up the dog poops from the garden when it’s been raining for hours is a special kind of hell.
You’re just trying to make them understand how much work is involved in having a dog. That can’t be a bad thing. It’s the truth.
Well done.
You wanted to be proven wrong, and you were proven right.
Your family is not ready to be pet owners. And your grandparents adding their 2 cents, fair enough. If they can talk the talk, they can walk the walk.
You already said no. Your husband can add his now.
I think this was clever and genius.
I am so saving this for the future. Currently kids want a dog, husband isn’t fussed either way, I do not.