But beneath this tender devotion lurked a quiet battle, one that pitted her careful efforts against her mother’s careless indulgence. Despite countless pleas and gentle confrontations, the mother’s disregard for Mickey’s well-being sowed a painful tension, turning what should have been a joyful journey into a heartbreaking struggle. The weight of love became heavier, shadowed by the fear of losing what she held most dear.
When I (22F) was 11, the family dog died. I was very sad and repeatedly asked my parents to get a new one. They finally agreed, on the condition that I’d be responsible for it and take care of it.
That’s how I got Mickey, the cutest Cocker Spaniel and best boy ever.
I did take care of him. I took him for a walk every day. Started spending my own money to buy him food. I was so motivated with the whole dog caring thing, I even read books and magazines on how to properly educate it.
They made a big point of feeding it properly and not spoiling it with human food, so I tried to stick to dog food.
But my mom (53F) would still give him “treats” which consisted of pretty much anything she was eating, including sweets, chocolate and cookies. Throughout the years I confronted her about it but she’d just brush it off every time.
I tried to buy her “good” treats, actual dog snacks, that she could feed him, but she continued to feed it junk.
Over the years, Mickey started gaining weight. He refused to eat proper dog food, eating only my mom’s junk food. He also grew very attached to her, mostly because she spent all day at home with him and fed him.
I was still the one taking him on walks (not once did my mom do it), playing with him at the park, but he seemed to prefer her company to mine. She’d even make snide remarks about how he’d “chosen her as his mommy” and “liked her better”.
This only increased my resentment towards my mom.
Fast forward a few years, I had to move away for college. I reluctantly agreed to leave Mickey with my parents. His health started to decline even more. My mom didn’t take him out at all, and without me to control her, he grew even more obese.
Every time I visited I’d see the poor thing getting worse and just looking sad and it’d break my heart.
This has been going on for four years. Mickey is now eleven years old, half blind and with very limited mobility. Last week, he started vomiting blood. My parents took him to the vet and found it’s going to need surgery to survive.
That surgery’s going to cost roughly $2000. My mom doesn’t have the necessary funds and asked me to cover it. I told her I can’t do it. I do have the money, but it’s nearly all of my savings which I need for myself.
I love Mickey, but I can’t justify spending all my money, specially when his health is so poor and he’ll probably die from something else soon anyway.
Upon hearing this, my mom accused me of being heartless and “basically killing the dog”. She said I’m the reason she bought Mickey in the first place, and reminded me of my promise to care for him.
I told her she’s the reason he’s dying, and that she’s been poisoning him for years.
Later my dad called, told me I’m being unfair, that even if my mom hasn’t cared properly for the dog, it’s wrong to let him die “just to punish her”. The dog’s life is more valuable than an “I told you so” to my mom.
He asked me to reconsider. I still said no, but now I feel really conflicted. So Reddit, AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a significant emotional and financial conflict rooted in a broken agreement regarding pet care. The OP upheld their commitment to care for the dog, while the mother repeatedly undermined that care by feeding the dog unhealthy food, which led to the dog’s current severe health crisis. Now, the mother is demanding the OP pay for expensive, potentially life-extending surgery, framing the refusal as heartlessness.
Is the OP obligated to spend nearly all their savings to fund a costly surgery for a pet whose poor health was directly caused by the mother’s actions, or is refusing the cost a justifiable stand based on the history of broken trust and shared responsibility? Which takes precedence: the immediate survival of the animal or the long-term financial security of the OP?
Here’s how people reacted:
It seems like your mother’s idea of caring for a dog is very far from yours. Even if you *did* invest most of your life savings into the surgery, can you trust your mother to change her habits and take proper care of the dog from now on? Does she truly understand *why* this is happening? Is she taking responsability for her behaviour?
… Or is she just trying to shift responsabilities unto you, and get you to hopefully “fix” her mistakes?
Time is scarce, and your mother most likely isn’t in the best mood for a heart-to-heart conversation… But I feel it would be much needed here.
Did your mother even try to fund this surgery herself before relying on you? Did she offer to cover part of the cost? Did she try pawning / selling some of her stuff?
If you feel really conflicted about your position, **meet / phone the vet first** before deciding anything.
There might be circumstances you are not aware of, and the vet’s opinion could be a very valuable asset in your decision.
Be sure to understand what kind of life Mickey would have after this surgery, what kind of care he would need, if he would keep after-effects or recurrent pains, and what would be his general life expectancy.
Whatever you end up choosing, be aware that your relationship with your mother will go sour – or sourer, I guess.
If you save the dog, expect to have to babysit her / fight her daily to have her change her caring habits.
If you don’t, you’ll be the heartless monster that left their dog to die.
Honestly, this sound a bit like “hey, I broke this toy I love, but I bought it for you ten years ago, so it’s yours, right? Now fix it.”
This whole situation really sucks. I’m sorry your dog had such a sad life, and I’m sorry you have such a childish mother.
Instead of saying “no I won’t pay” maybe try and find a way to compromise with your parents about sharing payment for care, whether that means just splitting the bill or having stipulations on future care so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s not just your dog, it’s theirs too, and he shouldn’t suffer just because no one can agree on who’s going to foot the bill.
Also, talk to your vet. See what his options are and what his likelihood of outcomes are. If good outcomes are possible, then awesome. If not, then it’s sad but euthanasia might have to be a possibility, especially if not having the surgery would mean he’d just be suffering.
It may not be your dog anymore, but that shouldn’t change the fact that you care about him. I know it’s probably your mother just trying to shift blame or whatever, but you’re acting like he’s “ruined goods” that you don’t care about anymore, which is what I don’t understand. You should still want the best for him, even if that means your mom “wins”
She is the reason for the dogs current situation, only someone incredibly stupid or taking self delusion to heroic levels would believe otherwise.
My guess is this whole fucked up situation is the cyclone of bullshit she has caused in order to blame someone other than herself for the problem. This is typical narccist behavior and trying to reason with her is gonna be dumpster fire of her fishing for information to later use against you.
I would counter any arguements that its “your” dog by telling her that if the dog was yours she would have respected your repeated requests to stop feeding the dog the treats. Especially considering that those treats are the cause of the poor dogs condition. She basically took your dog, abused it and is now demanding that it is your moral obligation to deal with the consequences.
Dont cave and honestly for your own mental health have as little contact with her as possible. Best of luck.
Honestly, the fact that she gave the dog chocolate, which is basically poison to the dog, makes my blood boil. She’s not a good dog owner and has made some very bad decisions regarding Mickey that has unfortunately only really affected his health. She obviously can’t see where she when wrong and ultimately won’t change a thing, and then you’d have put the poor dog through surgery just for nothing.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation and I really feel for your dog. He’s a victim of ignorant behavior.
You’re not avoiding the surgery “just to punish her.” It’s not reasonable for you to pay for this surgery both in terms of your personal finances and Mickey’s life. Your mother is gonna treat Mickey no different than pre-surgery, and with his health already deteriorating as he’s now pretty old, Mickey is gonna be more miserable the longer he lives. It doesn’t make sense to spend all of your money just to have your dog get more and more miserable over time. Mickey is 11 and has lived a long life, and I think that by refusing to pay for the surgery you’re doing the best thing you can for both you and Mickey. Both of your parents are trying to guilt trip you for a problem that they helped to create. They’re both assholes and I’m sorry that you’re in this situation.
>But my mom (53F) would still give him “treats” which consisted of pretty much anything she was eating, including sweets, chocolate and cookies. Throughout the years I confronted her about it but she’d just brush it off every time.
You warned her many times that she should not do this. Why is she now surprised that the dog isn’t doing very well?
It’s very unfortunate that it has come to this, but $2000 is a lot of money. Not to mention there will be costs to maintain the dog after the surgery. Who knows if your mom will even stop feeding him what she eats.
You should go low-contact with your family altogether tbh.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation though, it sucks ❤️
Also you called him it
You need your $2000 for your needs. Spending $2000 to temporarily improve the life of an 11 year-old dog that has been neglected isn’t money well-spent.