Wow, your friend sounds like a real piece of work! You’ve been incredibly kind and generous to her by covering her tab as often as you did. The fact she’s made zero effort to pay you back for any of the meals you’ve paid for but has the nerve to be offended and upset she had to return the favor ONCE proves what an undeserving and selfish person she is. You’re definitely NTA at all! Your friend on the other hand absolutely is. I am sorry she has treated you like that, you sound like a very kind hearted person and she took full advantage of that. Even if you don’t want to continue on with this friendship, I hope you would sit her down and have a heart to heart so she knows how you’re feeling as a direct result of how she’s treated you. You deserve better! Again, you’re NTA.

She has repeatedly taken advantage of you. (Please read this next bit in the context that I am a supportive older person giving advice:) However you probably could have handled it more graciously by meeting up with her outside the restaurant and asking “Do you have your wallet this time?” While she is searching just say in a light tone “I think it’s your turn to buy”. If unsurprisingly, she didn’t have her wallet you could suggest that you both just go for a walk instead of eating. That would have signaled to her that you had become fed up and set a clear boundary without sacrificing a friendship. It is hard to navigate autism and it makes it even harder when you are faced with manipulative people posing as friends. You are doing great, good job standing up for yourself.

NTA. You did great. This friend was using you as an ATM. The fact that you are autistic probably meant that you didn’t read the social ques correctly, and therefore she could exploit you. (I know, as a socially inept person – perhaps on the spectrum – that people take advantage of us and it hurts). You did the right thing by putting her on the spot and setting boundaries to her using you. In the future, if she invites you out, ask if she will be paying and leave your wallet at home.

OK, I’m saying this as someone who is helping to raise a high functioning individual with autism. Its not always as easy for someone on the spectrum to stand up for themselves as we would think it should be. OP gave the “friend” a taste of their own medicine and said “friend” didn’t like it. This doesn’t make OP TA, they simply handled it the best way they knew how. Having said that, OP needs to look for new friends who will value their friendship instead of taking advantage of it.

YTA for resorting to this passive aggressive tactic instead of just calling her out on it like an adult.

“Hey do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow?”

“Yeah sure, will you remember your wallet this time?” or “No thanks I’m tired of covering for you…”

Intentionally doing something to put them on the spot is unnecessary and childish. Whole thing could easily been avoided if you’d have been assertive enough in the first place with someone that’s supposedly a friend.

YTA – while her behaviour is poor. There are so many better ways to deal with a close friend. Your approach is back handed, unnecessary and cold.

You could have asked if she was struggling with money, reminded her to bring her purse because you are short and can’t carry the whole bill. Sent her a request for half the bill after the fact.

Just have an honest conversation. I bet this felt good for all of 5 seconds until you realised you just lost a close friend.

NTA. You just gave her a taste of her own medicine and it sounds like it was long overdue. It’s not cool to repeatedly “forget” your wallet and expect someone else to cover for you every time. If she can conveniently forget her wallet, then it’s only fair that you can “forget” yours too, right? Maybe now she’ll remember hers next time or… start carrying Apple Pay as a backup! 🍎💳 Keep your head up; setting boundaries is not the same as being mean.

NTA. I think you need to have a straightforward conversation with her about why you intentionally left your wallet behind; and you needs to understand going forward that going to eat out with friends, any friends, means that expectations (a.k.a. reminders) ought to be stated explicitly.

Or you find other ways to enjoy meals with friends like this one. She might be a better friend to eat at home with.

Going with YTA because if you’re such close friends, you’d have a conversation about it or, “close” begets this wouldn’t be happening in the first place.

You weren’t embarrassed when she did it to you, just taken advantage of time and time again which you allowed. You set her up and played games. You both should walk away from this close friendship because you both sound unpleasant.

it sounds like you tried to handle it indirectly becuz of ur autism. It’s understandable to feel confused when social cues aren’t clear. It sucks that she reacted that way and that people are sending you nasty DMs. You were trying to address a real issue, and it’s not okay for people to attack you like that. I think you did what you thought was best in that situation.

Simply being an adult and saying “no, I’m not paying for you”, after the first time would have been the correct course. PS: Being autistic (family member who is autistic and worked in a program for autistic children and adults) Isn’t an excuse. It also doesn’t mean that you are incapable of handling basic situations like this.

NTA. Whatever she accused you to be, she’s that times whoever many times she’s done the same thing to you.

She might never talk to you again, but the experiment will have been conclusive: She wasn’t a friend, she was a parasite and a mooch pretending to be your friend.

As for the people DMing you, report them.

Absolutely NTA. You simply gave her a taste of her own medicine. I would seriously question her friendship. It is clear that the payoff for her is free dinner. Are you gaining anything by being friends with this person? Does she add any value to your life or is she simply taking advantage of your kindness?

When you go out with this friend, tell the server at the beginning of the meal for separate checks.

A restaurant is not going to have a problem with you if you pay your bill, but not hers.

If your friend says at the start that she doesn’t have her wallet, you can leave before ordering.

So…. She doesn’t need her wallet if she could use her phone to pay….

At least you know that for next time….

But there shouldn’t be a next time… you called her out so she’s probably going to end your friendship and make out that you are the user….

NTA, but a direct conversation is always better IMO if the relationship is worth hanging into.

If she is only seeing you when she gets a free meal, sadly I don’t think she’s really your friend.

YTA
BUT sometimes it’s okay to be the Asshole. You were proving a point.
Only thing I would change is maybe bringing this issue up in conversation prior to have to take an extreme action.

she has been fully taking advantage of you, does she ever offer to give you the money back, I’m guessing big fat NO!

she is not worthy of your friendship

Why on earth would anyone think you’re in the wrong here?? Who paid for your dinner? I hope she did. Don’t hang around with her anymore. She’s toxic.

Well done. She’s outted her true intentions by projecting her “disgust” at you. She’s exploited you and you should definitely ditch her

NTA.This may have been an expensive lesson to learn but consider it a blessing in disguise. Re-evalute this friendship

Why are you friends with her? She’s a mooch. Downgrade her to acquaintance and stop going out to dinner with her.

NTA as long as you stop hanging out with this friend.

But! YTA to YOURSELF if you keep her around

This same exact story has been posted at least dozen times. Not real. Bot and/or karma farming

I would stop going out with her or simply bring enough cash to only pay for yourself.

You were only the AH for not “forgetting your wallet” 86 dinners ago!

This is not behavior that people who are friends with each other do.

NTA but why not just pay for your own and refuse to pay for hers ?

I hope you had cash to pay for your meal. If not, yes, YTAH.

How can anyone possibly think you’re in the wrong here? 🤔

NTA but why are you “friends” with someone so selfish??

NTA. She’s not your friend. Quit going out with her.

Why would you even ever go out with her again?

You are her meal ticket, not her friend. NTA.

Easy solution, don’t go out with this person.

NTA. Stop being friends with this parasite.

NTA but stop being friends with a mooch.