On the eve of her 26th birthday, a fragile promise was shattered—despite solemn vows and written agreements, the shadows of doubt crept in from a whispered secret. The celebration she longed for became a battleground of broken trust, where the cruel anticipation of a prank cast a dark cloud over what should have been a day of happiness.
My husband is a jokester and a prankster. He has a habit of pulling pranks especially on my birthdays! He judges my reactions as “overreactions” and says I should loosen up and be extra happy because he thinks he’s making my birthdays extra funny.
But it actually upset me and put me in a posituon where I get laughed at and recorded by his family.
He planned for my 26th birthday this past week, which was held at a restaurant. I told him I wouldn’t go if he was going to pull one of those pranks he’s famous for because it’s a public place and I did not want to be publicly humiliated.
He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me and wrote an agreement stating he’d pay money if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I’d go. I had to cancel with my parents who wanted to celebrate at their house.
The day of my birthday, I got a text from one of his friend’s wives telling me she heard him tell her husband about the prank he was going to pull on me at the restaurant. I was stunned as she detailed what the plan was going to be.
I felt so upset and anxious. He already went ahead and got to the restaurant to make sure all was set.
I ended up deciding to not go. He started calling then texting asking where I was and saying the party was going to start without me. I turned my phone off and went to my parents house and had a small party there.
I went home at 7pm and found my husband there fuming at me. He lashed out asking why on hell did I not show up to the party after he put money, time and effort in it. I told him why and he called his friend’s wife a liar and reminded me of all the promises he made and accused me of not trusting his word.
I said I couldn’t take the chance and risk having him basically ruin another birthday of mine. We had a huge argument then he started giving the cold shoulder, while pointing out how I embarrassed him and wasted his time and money by not showing up.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt deep distress and a sense of impending public humiliation due to her husband’s repeated pattern of playing disruptive and embarrassing pranks on her birthdays, despite her explicit warnings and even a written agreement to the contrary. Her decision to skip the planned party was a direct response to confirmed betrayal of trust, leading to a significant argument where her husband prioritized his financial and social investment over her emotional safety and comfort.
Given the husband’s consistent pattern of violating trust for the sake of a joke, and his subsequent refusal to acknowledge the OP’s emotional pain, the core question remains: When a partner repeatedly violates clear boundaries, sacrificing emotional safety for personal amusement, is it justifiable for the other partner to preemptively abandon a planned event to protect themselves, even if it results in conflict and the waste of the partner’s invested resources?
Here’s how people reacted:
Are you even sure he actually likes you? He calls your reactions to being pranked and publicly humiliated (in front of HIS family, no less) “overreactions”. He doesn’t take your feelings seriously or into account at all. Instead, he continues to do it. If his friend’s wife was a liar, she wouldn’t have been able to go into detail about the prank he’d set up.
OP, your feelings don’t *matter* to him. You are not a *person* to him. If you were, he would not repeatedly put you in a position he *knows you hate* for the amusement of him and others who are not *you*.
This is not a safe person to be with. He’s not violent, sure, but he doesn’t even view you or your feelings as *valid* and worth listening to and understanding.
NTA – Thats really all that’s needed for a judgment here.
Every post on this sub that I’ve seen about “pranking” is just immature assholes using pranking as an excuse to be immature assholes.
So he either wasn’t going to prank you this time (which is very unlikely based on his track record), but fails to see why he’s completely untrustworthy because he set this precedent.
OR
He was going to prank you despite all the promises that he won’t. Based on the information you received he most certainly was going to prank you.
This is not funny or cute.
Stand your ground and tell your husband you will *NOT* tolerate any more pranks and *MEAN IT*.
He continuously humiliates you, then tries to gaslight you into thinking you’re in the wrong for feeling humiliated.
This isn’t how a healthy relationship works. He does not care about you.
One time. Once is the maximum times a prank should have been pulled on you.
He thought it was funny, fine. But you did not.
The moment he disregarded your feelings about it is same moment he showed you he doesn’t respect you.
I’m glad you went to your parents, you deserved an actually *enjoyable* birthday party.
NTA, but if you have to go through all that before you can even consider trusting him (and he STILL lied)…why even bother with the relationship? You shouldn’t need to bring in outside witnesses to convince your partner to show you respect.
These are not the actions of someone who loves you.
You don’t trust him, because he has proven time & time again that he can not be trusted.
Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing.
NTA. Ditch the deadweight. Find someone who respects you.
He did not put a lot of effort into celebrating your birthday. He put a lot of effort into another chance to humiliate you.
He is an immature idiot. Too bad for him he loses money. Boohoo.
Pull a prank on him and you’ll be sure he will rage.
I’m usually not on the “throw him away” boat but for this one…. throw him away
He did nothing and you didnt show up and didnt explain it to him. You just ignored him.
In what world you think you are not an asshole?