ESH I’m gonna get burned for this, but I do think everybody handled this badly.
Your son very obviously handled it awfully. It’s ridiculous that he had the audacity to give you a budget.
His dad handled things poorly as well. I agree with the folks who say that if he feels so strongly about the computer, he should shut up and buy it.
However, I don’t feel you handled this perfectly either. 1. Child support from his dad isn’t supposed to cover all of his costs, because you are supposed to support the kid too. Not just the dad. So if you didn’t include your payment to the kid as well, you weren’t setting a realistic budget for him to learn from.
2. I would have advised using it as a teaching moment by showing him how a real budget works, listing all of the household incomes and costs. That teaches him about real bills and numbers, while showing him that you are a family, and that he’s not just a bill.

NTA your ex was being being rude helping your son scheme to try and guilt you into buying him something expensive saying child support would cover it. Your son was also being rude suggesting you not spend any of your hard earned money on yourself and accusing you of not using child support to cover his expenses. I think this is a good lesson for your son. As a teenager myself I understand how a lot of kids don’t understand the value of money and I think this is a good way to teach him. You never said he was a burden you just showed him how much you spend on him so he would understand why you didnt wanna buy him something so expensive that he doesnt need out of no where. That was an entitled way to act assuming he deserves it for no reason.

NTA

Hahaha, this reminds me of some of the things my dad would say… When I was in my third year of uni, he was furious when I told him I was running low on money and planned to get a part-time job to make up the difference. He said something about how he gave my mum all this money for a college fund and she must have spent it on herself. I asked my mum about it… it was only $11k (enough to pay for like… one semester of tuition and living expenses?), and my older sister had used most of it. He just had no idea how much our expenses were. He also never paid any child support, so I would not have blamed my mum for one second if she HAD used that money. Some dads, man…

NTA.

However, you seem to not understand “gaming systems” if you think he has plenty and doesn’t need more. Sure, he doesn’t “need” more as its a luxury item along with 99% of the stuff we buy. But, he’s not making up the fact that his old system is no longer needed. Games aren’t something that last forever. It’s like buying the Blu-Ray of a movie, you can only watch it so many times before you’re bored with it. If someone told you that you don’t need to see the latest Marvel film or whatever but you can go home and watch Home Alone 2, again. They’d technically be right, but are you really going to be okay with Home Alone 2 as the only film you can watch?

NTA. If you were merely in the habit of ranting to your son about how expensive he is, you would be TA. But in this case, I think you rightly gave him a reality check. Even if you could easily afford to buy him a gaming system, it’s an expensive recreational item that only he wants and that only he would use. He is nearly an adult and can save up to buy it himself. And for him to ask for something expensive, and you to say no, and him to come back and repeatedly try to convince you to get it for him anyway, not once but twice? You were well within your rights to take the tack that you did.

NTA. It would have been an AH move to give your son a bill just to shame him, but that’s not what you did. Your son was incredibly entitled and rude to you. He and your ex both implied you take the child support and spend it on yourself. You proved otherwise.

And you’re right. You did teach him a lesson about finances and how expensive it is to raise a child.

EDIT: also, not that this isn’t obvious, but a gaming system isn’t a necessity. It’s important you also explain to him the difference between a want and a need. Bills, food, clothing, toiletries all need to come before luxuries.

NTA. If your son had all that time to come up with a budget so that you could afford to get a new gaming console (I’m assuming PS5 maybe?), then he can take that time and look for a part-time job to buy the console himself. You didn’t give him the bill expecting him to pay it, but to give him an idea of just how expensive raising a child is. If your ex is yelling at you about YOUR bills, then he can either chip in for the system, up the child support, or keep his nose out of your finances.

NTA Your son was way out of line to come to you with his child support numbers. That was Dad stirring the pot, but your son’s 17 & was being an ass.

Go to your kid & tell him that you knew he was going to be expensive when you had him & that you love him more than money & always will.

PS – your ex is a douche who doesn’t like his kid knowing how much MORE you’ve done for your son financially

NTA. If his father wants to interject, why doesn’t he buy the system?

That being said, I would sit down and explain that he isn’t a burden but new gaming systems are a luxury item. You can maybe help him come up with a strategy to save his own money or suggest he take on work outside the home. He is going to be an adult soon.

Hold the phone. Dad throws the fact that he pays child support (to uh, support his child) in your face, drags your child into it in an attempt to weaponize him against you, and **you’re** the one that’s making your son feel like a burden? Your ex is a pro at embarrassing himself. NTA.

ESH

You should have shut your son down right away. His father is an absolute fool. However, I would not reveal your household finances to a child. He does not need to see numbers to understand that child support is not for extra video game consoles.

Does your son have a job???

NTA

Reassure your son of how much you love him and have never regretted the expense, and point out to his dad that if he feels so strongly that your son deserves the console maybe he could use some of the money he’s saved by not being main carer to buy it.

I gotta say not the asshole it was a good lesson to teach and you son wouldn’t take no for an answer. My solution is if he doesn’t play on the other systems at all anymore have him sell those and use that money as the beginning of saving for the new system.

NTA, although I would clarify to your son that he is not an expensive burden – he’s a *child*. You do not mind at all paying for everything it takes to take care of him, but ‘every new gaming system he wants’ is not on the list of childhood necessities.

NTA. Your son is almost an adult and if he views pressuring someone to going without so he can have what he wants then he needs to learn a lesson. Your ex sucks for drafting that second budget with your son based on child support over the years…

NTA I “love” how his dad feels entitled to all of his own paychecks after the small percentage he pays in childsupport- and he feels your son is entitled to 100% of your income because he pitches in a small bit of his own. 🙄

NTA. Well played. He needs to learn (sounds like his dad does too). Why on earth doesn’t his dad buy it for him if he thinks it’s such a good idea?

NTA. He needs to learn about money. Also, his dad is a dick, and if he wants your kid to have a new gaming system so badly he can damn well buy it.