Yet beneath the joy lies an unspoken tension, a delicate dance of cultural expectations and personal values. The upcoming Indian wedding promises to be a celebration of family and roots, but the challenges of reconciling diverse backgrounds and traditions threaten to cast a shadow over this moment of unity and love.
I’m a gen 1.5 Indian migrant to the UK (was born in India but moved when I was 6 with parents) so while I grew up British and consider myself to be British, I still have family in India and my Indian heritage is an important part of my identity.
My wife is 4th gen Indian – her family immigrated decades ago so she, and her parents grew up fully anglicised. I’d like to stress there’s nothing wrong with that – why should she have ties to a country her grandparents were born in?
Due to the difference in culture we are having two weddings – one in England for all her family and our friends, and one in India for the rest of my family and friends there. We had the first wedding, which was very traditional and western – church, reception etc.
It was great, and we had fun. Now the wedding in India – it’s important as my grandparents are too old to fly to the UK so I’d love for them to see me get married.
The problem comes with the menu – in a Hindu wedding, and especially in the south, you don’t serve meat. You just don’t. In fact, what’s served at a wedding is something called a Sadhya.
It’s fully vegetarian, and served on a banana leaf – super traditional. My wife says we should allow meat, despite the cultural taboo – saying her side of the family ‘won’t be able to cope’ without meat.
I’m of the opinion that they’re all adults, and they can live with the inconvenience – hell, if it’s that bad run to a KFC after the ceremony and gorge yourself – but at the wedding itself, no meat.
It’s also not like there won’t be any meat – there’ll be non veg food at the Sangeet, there’ll be meat at the reception.
Also during the English wedding I sided with her over my parents over the serving of beef – my parents, being Hindus don’t partake, but I told them they should just eat something else, not ask that beef not be served entirely.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels a strong need to honor his deep Indian cultural and familial expectations by maintaining a strictly vegetarian menu for the traditional wedding ceremony in India, primarily to respect his elderly grandparents. This desire directly conflicts with his wife’s insistence that accommodating her family’s preferences by including meat is necessary for their comfort and acceptance of the event.
Should the OP prioritize strict adherence to the specific cultural requirements of the Indian ceremony for the sake of his elders, or is it more important to compromise and include meat options to ensure his wife’s fully anglicized family feels comfortable and fully included during the celebration?
Here’s how people reacted:
> I’m of the opinion that they’re all adults, and they can live with the inconvenience – hell, if it’s that bad run to a KFC after the ceremony and gorge yourself – but at the wedding itself, no meat.
Agreed!
> It’s also not like there won’t be any meat – there’ll be non veg food at the Sangeet, there’ll be meat at the reception.
So what’s the actual problem? I think your wife and/or her family are very much overreacting to the idea of vegetarian cuisine, honestly. I’m a meat eater but I’m happy to eat vegetarian food because it’s not like it’ll hurt you to go one meal without meat, for pity’s sake. Asking you to break cultural taboo in order to appease them seems too much of an ask.
The whole point of having two weddings was to be able to adhere to two cultures. You served beef at your English wedding because beef is a traditional English dish; you’ll serve sadya at your Indian wedding because it’s a traditional Hindu dish, (also, I REALLY want to try that).
> saying her side of the family ‘won’t be able to cope’ without meat
I’m white British, come from countless generations of meat eaters and even *my* family could cope quite happily without meat for *one* event. What a ridiculous idea.
**NTA** I feel like this is a huge fucking compromise you made. So she in turn should make a compromise.
I thought you said the first wedding was for her side and part of your side, and the second wedding would be for your family and friends in India. What part of her family is even going to be there? Is her immediate family from England really flying to Indian for the second wedding after already going to the first?
Culturally, her family can suck it up for 1 meal. I’m someone who ate a tomahawk steak for breakfast this morning, and even i would respect traditions for your wedding.
You already had a wedding in England where you respected your wife wishes to have a wedding with western norms, now its her time to respect your wish to have a traditional hindu wedding.
Curious, does everyone get their own banana leaf or is it shared by the table?
If there was meat at the first wedding and there will be meat after there should be no problem leaving meat out for the ceremony.
Also that food looks amazing!