But through resilience and unyielding determination, she transformed her life from struggle to success—building a thriving career, financial freedom, and a legacy that defied her upbringing. Now, years later, as her estranged parents face their own downfall, the tables have turned, revealing the true strength of a woman who refused to be broken.
I (28F) was raised by super religious parents. It was a fight to be able to go to a normal college and not a Christian one with weird rules. When I did that they said they will not he paying for my schooling untill I “come back to the right path”.
After struggling for a couple of months a friend told me that the strip club she was working at was hiring. I have been dancing my whole life and have a good figure so I was hired pretty fast.
A few months in I dropped out of college because I was making serious money ( about $3k for a bad week and up to $11k for a really good one). When my parents found out they disowned me.
The same goes for all of my extended family except for 2 cousins.
Fast foreward 9 years, I own my house outright, a Tesla, don’t have debt, I also own an appartement building that I rent (stripping has a short lifespan) and investments.
Now my parents contacted me. Apparently my father lost his business during COVID, my mom has always being a SHM, they declared bankruptcy and are really struggling (they live in an old camper).
Also apparently my mom is diabetic now and my dad has always had heart problems. They wanted my help.
I said no, I don’t have parents anymore. And furthermore according to their religion and church my money was earned while sinning so to use it is to damn your soul to hell and I really didn’t want that for them.
My mom started crying and my dad said that they didn’t know where they went wrong with me. That was the last of it from them, a couple aunts and uncles called but they changed their “family helps family” tune very fast when I asked why they weren’t helping them themselves.
But now a couple of weeks later I am starting to feel like I was an AH to them. Because a month’s income from stripping would make a really big change for them but I won’t even miss it that bad.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faces a conflict between their established financial independence, achieved through a career their parents vehemently disapproved of, and their parents’ current desperate financial situation. The OP previously acted on their own values by pursuing education and a career despite parental disapproval, leading to complete disownment.
Given the parents’ past actions—withdrawing support over college choice and then disowning the OP—is the OP obligated to offer significant financial aid now that the parents are bankrupt, or does the history of rejection justify maintaining the firm boundary of ‘no help’?
Here’s how people reacted:
NTA, obviously.
My parents were trash, literally tricking me into drinking antifreeze kinda trash. For some stupid reason I still was their “parent” and took care of them until I had my own children then I disowned them. My older siblings played the “their family” crap cause they didn’t want to deal.
I got worried recently that I’d be forced into taking care of them now that they aren’t doing so well. Such guilt for no reason but it’s still there. My counselor assured me that it isn’t forced upon children once their parents go downhill. That, sadly, made my choice much easier.
They didn’t want anything to do with you then, but now they need help it’s all on you? Naw. The game doesn’t play that way.
“**I (28F) was raised by super religious parents.”**
You had me after this statement. Once I read your whole post I was even more convinced that you are NOT the asshole.
I don’t understand why parents who disown their children for their life choices then expect those same children to help them later on.
They disowned you. You owe them nothing.
Just FYI where parents like these go “wrong” is not accepting that their children have lives and minds of their own and will make their own choices. These parents expect their children to be like mini-me’s. That isn’t how life works.
Though in your case I’d be tempted to send a month’s income with a note that says “This is thanks for the good time in my childhood. But you disowned me, so do not contact me ever again regarding money – this is a one time gift.” That both resolves any mixed feelings you have, and makes you the bigger person. But to be clear, you don’t owe them the money – it’s about what you want to do.
YTA but sometimes being the asshole isnt the end all be all of right and wrong. If you’re happy in life without them I wouldn’t take this opportunity to invite them back in. Theres something to be said about parents doing their best, but that kind of ends once the whole disowning thing comes about.
Tl;dr YTA because of /how/ you said it, I don’t think that being TA is bad here tho.
Btw, you have a good head on your shoulders, planning for the future. Have you considered going back to college when you retire?
> a couple aunts and uncles called but they changed their “family helps family” tune very fast when I asked why they weren’t helping them themselves.
I’ll admit I’m curious to know what they said.
If you want, donate money to help others who aren’t complete AHs.
In the end, you’re not the AH either way
If you decide to help them, do it for yourself, not anyone else. It’s ok to not help or to help. Just don’t expect their attitude to change, nor for them to be grateful.
Hahaha omg seriously. “Where did we go wrong raising you” well putting your religion over your family will likely do that. Weird huh?
Keep killing it op. You took what life gave you, which wasn’t much, and ended up in likely the best position one could ask for.
Now on the other hand if a month’s income can give you peace of mind then go ahead, count it as charity and get the good karma.