Yet across the miles, her father remained distant, choosing the comfort of his hunting trip over the uncertainty at home. His refusal to cut short his vacation, despite the gravity of their daughter’s condition, ignited a storm of emotions—anger, fear, and an aching sense of abandonment—leaving the mother to face the unthinkable alone.
Our 18 MO went into respiratory distress on Saturday; took her to ER, turns out it’s rhinovirus.
Her dad is on a hunting trip in North Dakota. He planned on having this two week vacation, he has already been there for a week when our daughter got sick.
He didn’t come straight home to Virginia. He waited for updates and he has no plans to leave his vacation early.
I didn’t realize in the moment how serious things were and that she could have died, so I didn’t relay that to him while she was being admitted. We’re still here, might be here another night.
She’s in stable condition now and she’s being weaned off oxygen.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant anger and distress because their partner chose to remain on a planned vacation rather than immediately returning home when their 18-month-old daughter required emergency medical care. The central conflict lies between the OP’s immediate need for spousal support during a frightening health crisis and the father’s adherence to his pre-arranged, two-week recreational commitment.
Considering the severity of a respiratory distress emergency requiring hospitalization, was the father justified in prioritizing the continuation of his vacation based only on receiving updates, or does a child’s acute medical crisis necessitate an immediate cessation of personal plans by both parents? AITAH for expecting him to cut his trip short?
Here’s how people reacted:
YTA for failure to communicate with your husband.
Well you didn’t communicate the seriousness of the situation. Would his reaction have been different? Better yet! Communicate that you were really scared that she wouldn’t make it due to respiratory distress. You could really use his support at home, as she is still recovering.
I have no clue how fast he could get home from ND to Virginia. Idk your financial situation and if he can move flights. If you made it seem like the illness wasn’t serious, he probably wanted to wait a day, which I think would be reasonable for quick and short visit to the ER. Now, that she is admitted he should be making arrangements to come home.
The only way to work as a team through this would be to communicate. Say you are terrified and you need his support and help now. Tell him to come home. If he doesn’t comply, that’s a whole different issue.
My daughter is in the NICU. There have been times that I told my husband to come to the hospital now due to an issues, but I had to communicate that the issue and share that we need support.
I do think you should have communicated the urgency at the time a little better with him but I get that in the moment not thinking about things, but on the other hand if I were told my kid was admitted to the hospital even if they were stable and would be fine, I would be so worried I wouldn’t be able to have fun or focus on my vacation anyways. What if they took a turn for the worse and I wasn’t there? What if it was something really bad and this was just the most obvious symptom? When I was a toddler I almost died because of a vaccine I got. My dad was working in another state, when he found out he booked a flight that day. By the time he got back I was getting discharged the next day, but he still came to see me because he was worried. When I was on a work trip and my adult brother was admitted to the hospital for something (idr what), I almost told my manager and bought a ticket home. I feel like when family or someone you love is admitted to the hospital, it’s just more stressful to not be there.
Idk. It sounds very selfish to me on his part.
This is one of those for better or worse situations. You’re not as ass. Don’t make this more than it is. Be thankful, grateful and keep that child close to your heart.
Have a conversation with your husband when he comes home and without being judgmental . Let him know how your fears and concerns were . Explain that it would have been less stressful for you had he come home. You were terrified that you wouldn’t be able to handle this alone.
It could be a learning moment for him. Maybe he didn’t grow up the same as you. With the same responses from his parental situation.
Remember, we as humans are not perfect. We error. At the same time, forgiveness is a true gift.
NTA. He’s trash and tbh I would not forgive him for this.
Also, if you want him to come home just tell him. These rounds of charades does nothing for either of you in the end.
There’s no way to downplay a child be admitted to the hospital. Maybe one could argue that about the ER – but it doesn’t really hold water unless you’ve taken your child to the ER multiple times. But as soon as the hospital admits you it’s serious shit. And your husband doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
I have no idea what you really told your husband.
If he knew the facts, he is an asshole.
No way any normal parent would stay away from their child.
If you told him there was nothing serious and are angry he didn’t come back, it’s your fault for not communicating the facts.
If you downplayed the seriousness, why would you expect him to cut a vacation a week short and come home?
I am glad your child is okay.
Really isn’t a reason for dad to come home.
Down vote away.