Yet, the battle for her daughters’ minds and hearts was far from over. Though her family outwardly respected her and her partner’s non-belief, her mother’s covert attempts to reclaim the girls’ faith through secret Bible studies revealed the raw tension beneath the surface. This was more than a clash of beliefs; it was a fight to protect innocence from indoctrination, a mother’s desperate stand to preserve her children’s freedom to think and believe on their own terms.
Little backstory- I grew up in a very religious home. We went to church (non-denominational) 2-3 times per week. I always questioned what I was being taught and when I was in 6th grade & going to a Christian school, I realized I was agnostic.
I live in the Bible belt, so it’s difficult having my beliefs (or lack there of).
Despite my family all being religious, they have all respected my beliefs. Not just mine, but my daughters’ (ages 8 and 9) dad, who is an atheist, as well. Everyone except my mother.
A couple years ago we told her she could no longer take the girls to church. We felt they were being indoctrinated & both were starting to deny science. She argued with us but realized how serious we were.
She knew if she took them to church after a sleepover, she would be risking being able to see them & be in their life. Little did I know, she had been having “Bible study” with the girls on nights they would spend the night with her.
Maybe every 3 weeks or so, the girls would have a sleepover with her.
The girls had a sleepover with her this past Saturday. She brought them home to me Sunday afternoon. My fiance and I were asking them if they had fun, what did they do, etc. My 8 year old then said “I got baptised!” EXCUSE ME, WHAT?
I remained calm because I didn’t want her to think she was in trouble or did something wrong. I asked her whose idea that was. She said mine. Ok.. so I ask a few more questions and realize she had the idea because she was told if she were to die, she’d go to hell.
She was terrified! So, my mom baptised my baby. My daughter said my mom asked the questions and everything before the “baptism”… like “do you accept Jesus into your heart?”
I was truly blown away by what she had done. It was such a breach of mine & their dad’s trust and she had crossed a HUGE line. I sent a group text to my mom & the girls’ dad with the following:
“I don’t know why I’m shocked, (redacted), but I’m actually blown away by your enormous breach in trust. You crossed a huge line. You know how Ken and I feel about religion. And for poor Emmy to have the belief she will die and go to hell if she doesn’t get baptised??
Putting that thought in her head is child abuse, no other way to look at that. My heart is broken for the girls bc I know how difficult and confusing it will be for them to not see you anymore, but I absolutely cannot trust you with them anymore.”
My ex followed up with this:
“(My name) is speaking for both of us on this. I am heartbroken that you have forced us into having to do this”
So, am I overreacting? Is this going to be more harmful to my children who have a relationship with her? Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster is experiencing profound betrayal and shock after their mother secretly baptized one of their young daughters, instilling fear of hell as a motivation. This action directly violates a clear, established boundary regarding religious instruction, creating a severe conflict between the OP’s parental authority/values and the grandmother’s deeply held religious beliefs and actions.
Given the intentional deception and the use of fear tactics to secure a religious rite, is the grandmother’s action a justifiable expression of her faith, or does it constitute a fundamental breach of trust and potential emotional harm that necessitates cutting off contact for the children’s well-being?
Here’s how people reacted:
Getting baptised just to avert the wrath of a bronze age tyrannical deity makes no sense. The Abrahamic deity has steadily lost power anyway, he’s gone from causing mythical floods to his alleged offspring’s face appearing on toast.
I think it’s more harmful to teach young women that the Abrahamic deity’s plan for them is to become submissive helpmeets to their future owner, who they should remain pure for and if anything happens which causes them to lose that purity is their fault. That all the rights they should ever need are in the bible and all this talk of equal rights is just secular bs. That christian disipline is good and healthy, not abusive at all.
Christians warp the meanings of the words love and fear. Now your daughter thinks her granny’s deity loves her and she’s in fear of him.
NTA.
What a terrible decision. In her desire to “save” your children, she’s broken a commandment and sent the message that it’s fine to lie to get what you want. In theory that should be the last lesson her faith should impart.
She breached your trust and knew exactly what would happen if she did it again. She’s only getting the exact consequence that she was warned of. Telling a child if they aren’t baptized they’ll go to hell is just cruel. Religion should not be dependent on the fear of what will happen if people don’t follow.
I would talk to your girls about religion. Maybe have a “culture night” at the house once a week where you learn about new religions and explore what they believe? That way you can educate your daughter that not everyone believes the same thing and that religion is meant to cast fear into the believers.
If your girls love their grandmother and you cut her out over something like this, they will probably never forgive you, and nor should they.
Also of course with someone extremely judge mental about religion questions your daughter you would end up getting her to say the only reason she did it was because she was afraid of hell.
What your mom did was fucked up
She blew it, big.