Caught in a moment of unintended crossing, the babysitter’s well-meaning story revealed the silent tension between respect and belief. What began as a shared understanding unraveled into a poignant reminder: even in love and care, the boundaries of faith can stir storms beneath the calmest surfaces.
My husband and I are both agnostic. Our child is 2 years old. We’ve agreed to introduce to her the cultural and historical aspects of major religions when fit (e.g. when we walk past a mosque and she gets curious.
Not telling her anything complicated as of now because, you know, she’s 2) and save the doctrines for when she’s older. Our babysitter, I’ll call her “Emily” here, has the patience of a saint, is very helpful and…
religious.
When Emily mentioned her religion during our interview, I made it crystal clear that we will respect that, but I also expect her to respect our wishes regarding religions. I gave her some guidelines like no doctrine-embedded stories (e.g.
we’re all damned because our ancestors decided to eat an apple), no teaching of doctrines etc. Emily understandingly obliged, or so we thought.
One day I came home early and caught her telling my child the story of creation of the world. I explained to Emily in private that it contradicts what we’ve been telling her, you know, dinosaurs and such, and reminded her of our agreement.
She apologized. I dropped it at that. Yesterday I found out she’s been reading to my child religious books for kids that basically tell their readers to pray to and obey some deity.
Not cool.
Now I want to fire Emily because of the religious teaching behind my back, but my husband disagrees. He thinks what’s important here is that Emily takes good care of our child, and considering that she spends at most 20 hours a week with her, it shouldn’t be too hard for us to “undo” the religion part.
I told him that a friend’s child came home calling their parents sinners after two Sunday school classes so 20 hours a week isn’t as trivial as he thinks. He says I’m overreacting and would look really bad if I fire Emily over this issue.
Plus, our child has bonded with her already, so replacing her would do our child a disservice. I want to respect my husband’s opinions but I’m starting to resent Emily. So reddit, would I be the asshole if I fire her?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels betrayed and angry because the babysitter, Emily, repeatedly violated explicit, agreed-upon boundaries regarding religious instruction for their two-year-old child. The central conflict is the OP’s insistence on enforcing these boundaries to maintain their family’s agnostic upbringing approach versus the husband’s desire to prioritize the child’s positive relationship with the caretaker and downplay the severity of the religious exposure.
Is the OP justified in terminating the babysitter immediately due to the persistent, deliberate breach of trust and instruction regarding religious teaching, or does the value of the established, positive caregiving relationship outweigh the risk of short-term religious influence that the parents can counteract?
Here’s how people reacted:
This isn’t even about religion. You asked her to not do something around your child while you are paying for her time, and she is lying to you and doing it anyways.
You should call her out that lying is a sin if you catch her again.
> When Emily mentioned her religion during our interview, I made it crystal clear that we will respect that, but **I also expect her to respect our wishes regarding religions. I gave her some guidelines like no doctrine-embedded stories** (e.g. we’re all damned because our ancestors decided to eat an apple), no teaching of doctrines etc. **Emily understandingly obliged**, or so we thought.
> One day I came home early and caught her telling my child the story of creation of the world. **I explained to Emily in private that it contradicts what we’ve been telling her, you know, dinosaurs and such, and reminded her of our agreement. She apologized**. I dropped it at that. **Yesterday I found out she’s been reading to my child religious books for kids that basically tell their readers to pray to and obey some deity. Not cool.**
She is going behind your back with your child about something you expressly told her not to do.
What else could she lie about? Not worth it. Fire her.
Here’s where I need more info. How frequently and how long has Emily watched your daughter? That can make a big difference. Has she been a full time nanny since birth or just occasional date nights once or twice a month? If the later your daughter will forget about her in a few months. The family I care for now had a wonderful nanny for the first three years of their older child’s life. He barely remembers her two years later. So long as there’s not a massive amount of fluctuation in the people taking care of your daughter she will be fine.
Fire her. I was in a similar situation. I’m atheist and my child’s old sitter was religious. She seemed normal enough. The girl and her family are neighbors of mine so I hired to give a high school kid a bit of extra money. I asked her not to mention religion as I expose my child to numerous as in “x believes this” “y believes this” and he can make a choice whether he’d like to follow a religion or not when he’s old enough to decide.
She was cool with it until her mom convinced her my son would go to hell so she needs to spread the world of Jesus. She told my kid if he didn’t believe he’d die and go to hell. Demons would take over his body and a bunch of other shit. It started out comments here and there that I blew up until my kid has nightmares.
If you aren’t comfortable with it, find someone else. She can’t respect your beliefs. She doesn’t need to watch your kid.
Fuck Gilgamesh, right? What’s that dude doing with Enkidu? What the hell is going on there? Damn Mesopotamian trying to still be relevant!
If you’re worried about indoctrination – you’re going to be worried all your life. People are going to have different ideas than you.
Always. And eventually (whether you like it or not) so will your kid. Bubbles will only get you so far.
I’ve been in childcare for years and if a parent asked me to stop doing ANYTHING with their child and I continued to do it I would be surprised if they didn’t fire me. This isn’t about religion, it’s about the fact that she doesn’t respect your choice for your child as the actual parent.
You’re acting as if it’d be bad, if he turned out religious. Why is it bad, if your kid learns about religion? Why shouldn’t he make up his own mind about it?