When acceptance letters arrived, the fragile balance shattered. She was in; he was out. The victory that should have brought joy instead ignited a storm of fear and despair for Jake, whose world unraveled in that moment. Their shared dream fractured, leaving their relationship strained and hearts heavy with unspoken pain.
My brother Jake (18M) and I (17F) had the same dream college, H University. Also, in case you’re confused by the ages, we’re 1.5 years apart, but I skipped a grade so we were in the same grade for nearly our entire life.
Jake was way more passionate about H Uni than I was. He had several H merch clothing, and kind of just assumed he was going there. For example, in conversations he’d say things like “Once I’m at H….” or “After I go to H, my plan is…”.
Basically, his life plan rested on him going to H.
Jake and I got along pretty well, we’d sometimes give each other advice or study together. However, during college app season, he got super competitive once he realized I was also applying to H.
He’d refuse to study together, look over each other’s essays, and he’d constantly tell me to not even bother applying.
Then, decisions came out and we opened them at the same time. I was accepted, and he was rejected. Jake had a massive panic attack, and instead of celebrating my acceptance with my family, I sat in my room all day because Jake would get furious when he saw me.
I once even caught him trying to unlock my laptop to decline my offer, since his friend dmed me to warn that he had been talking about doing that. My parents obviously punished him for that, which made it so much worse.
When my H sweatshirt came in, he screamed at me for “showing off”, when I just put it in my closet. He told so many people that I only got in because I was a girl and that H mixed the siblings up.
Honestly, I felt bad for him because I would be crushed too if I were him. Everytime I tried to get him to stop, it got worse. So I just kept tolerating it. I thought it’d get better after the summer, once college actually started.
It has not. Now it’s really set in that he is going to a (good imo) state school, and not H. His anger is largely compounded by the fact that he’s going to the same college that he used to condescend other students about aiming for.
My classes start soon, so I’ve been setting up in our study, which I share with Jake. Both of our rooms are tiny, with no room to study in, so we share a study with two desks that face away from each other.
Jake cleared out my whole desk, and broke my lamp in the process. He says that I need to study in my room, so he can use the study without distractions for his classes. We’ve always both worn headphones, there’s literally no distraction.
He just doesn’t want to see me taking classes at H.
I’m so fucking done, I just want to be proud that I got into this college and actually learn shit without my brother screaming at me about it.
Where IMBTA: We got into an argument, and I told him that of course he got rejected since H didn’t take toddlers. I’ve also been wearing my H sweatshirt around the house constantly, which he gets angry about.
He kept bothering me, so I superglued H rejection letters in the drawers of his desk, so he has to see them when he opens them.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant emotional distress due to her brother’s extreme reaction to her college acceptance, which contrasts sharply with his own rejection. While the OP initially tried to tolerate his anger and sabotage attempts out of sympathy, his continuous hostility and explicit attempts to prevent her from enjoying her achievement have led her to retaliate with equally provocative actions, escalating the conflict severely.
The central question is whether the OP’s retaliatory actions—wearing the sweatshirt constantly and gluing rejection letters into his desk—were justified responses to his sustained psychological harassment and sabotage attempts, or if these actions only served to deepen the family rift. Should the OP have continued to endure the mistreatment silently for the sake of peace, or was active, albeit petty, resistance necessary when direct communication failed?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your brother, obviously, and your parents more so for doing a poor job preparing him for this possibility. I don’t think you’re an asshole for being proud or for your current conduct, but I do think you’re teetering on the edge of assholery.
With that said, I went to an H for law school. It may even be the same H, though I am assuming. My classmates were largely great people, but universally had the same problem: they had serious superiority complexes. When I got my JD and started practicing, I found more and more H alumni in the wild, who never shut up about their H days. Many Ivys have this issue, where it seems people who went there rest their laurels on their education rather than their work ethic or achievement.
Today, I rarely mention that I went to H law school unless asked. I find that non-H-educated lawyers find it annoying at best. The best junior associates that I work with tend to not be from H, in large part because the H-educated associates often balk at the “dirty” labor involved in lawyering (document review, principally).
You’re not there yet. You’re 17. You should be proud of yourself. You shouldn’t have to hide that. But I’d caution you to remember that people of all educational backgrounds are valuable in all industries. And beyond that, where you go to school does not, and should not, be the only thing that defines you as a person.
This PSA from a proud H alumni who is desperately trying to rehabilitate his school’s image as a bunch of rich, pretentious snobs.
He’s being a brat over it, constantly attacking you and being so selfish YOU had to move out of your study cause he didn’t want you there.. Why didn’t he go to his room since he wanted to be alone so bad?
And instead of celebrating with your parents, you stayed in your room cause he had a problem with it?
Wear your H merch freely, you got in with your hard work and grades. As much as it sucks for him, it’s still not a reason for him to be so bratty and selfish.
Edit: I forgot to say this before, but did you tell your parents about everything? Why aren’t they being mediators here? Or even setting boundaries or something?
Although supergluing his rejection letters is a small satisfying revenge, it’s also assholish because this is clearly something that he is very upset about because he has wanted to go this place for majority of his life.
Maybe a family discussion is needed if you guys can’t talk about it maturely.
Also what’s toddlers?
Hooooooly smokes. If it wasn’t painfully clear already, NTA. Your brother’s jealousy has reached psycho level.
Congratulations, sorry your brother’s too self-centered to be happy for anyone other than himself.
ETA
> His anger is largely compounded by the fact that he’s going to the same college that he used to condescend other students about aiming for.
HAHAHA talk about life serving him a well-needed slice of humble pie. Love it.
Also just make it extremely clear to your parents what is going on and keep telling them every time he does something (aka annoy them into helping). Lastly, stop reacting and don’t retaliate he probably wants to see you pissed off and it won’t help your case later on.
At this point, your parents really need to step in and tell him to calm the \*\*\*\* down already. You didn’t do anything to affect his college acceptance. You don’t deserve any jealousy its 100% not your fault and he is having an unhinged level of aggression towards you over it. It’s not ok.
What your brother tried to do was potentially illegal (it would have been fraud) and his attitude is no doubt born from jealousy. Your parents should step in to calm this down before it goes too far.
For example: gluing rejection letters to his desk. That’s not helping the situation, that’s holding a red rag to an enraged bull. I understand the reasons why you would do that, but rubbing your victory in his face is only going to make your brother escalate his behaviour.
Edit: just read the bit about the rejection letter… yeah… ESH
You don’t owe him anything for being accepted and him being rejected. He is clearly acting like a toddler. He’s just hurt and upset. Not your fault though.
I don’t think you are an ah for wearing your college sweater either, but super glueing the rejection letter is where you crossed a line.
He’ll get used to it eventually and congrats for your obtaining your place in the meantime!
Your parents need to step in here and deal with their toddler tantrum throwing son because its not your fault he didn’t get into his dream college. The way he’s treating you is unacceptable and the fact that he tried to decline your offer makes him a complete ah. They need to do something about him
Original vote: Yeah, Y-T-A.
I was fully on board with you wearing the sweatshirt because it’s your college. Even the things that you said when you were fighting.
But you went nuclear with supergluing the rejection letters into his desk. Wow. That was beyond.
ETA: I forgot that he tried to reject her acceptance. Looks like both siblings are assholes.
You sounded quite reasonable until the last paragraph. I get that he pushed you to this point, but gluing the rejection letters into his desk definitely solidified you as an asshole.